


I'm Gonna Watch You Walk Away

by asroarke



Series: I'm Gonna Leave You Anyway [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hook-Up, POV Clarke, Smut, alternative version of I'm Gonna Leave You Anyway, based on you're the worst, commitment issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-23 13:06:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 64,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asroarke/pseuds/asroarke
Summary: She forgot about the fact that a man she loved just married someone else. She forgot that almost all her friends abandoned her as soon as she became known as the other woman. She forgot that people already judged her without ever meeting her. She forgot that she was in a place in life where she had to go to weddings all alone. And she willfully ignored the fact that it was becoming harder and harder for her to just hook up with someone to forget these things.Because, as soon as it was over, all those horrible thoughts started drowning Clarke’s brain again.Modern AU inspired by the show You're the Worst, where Bellamy and Clarke hook up after wedding. Same story line from I'm Gonna Leave You Anyway, but this time from Clarke's POV.





	1. What Normal People Do

**Author's Note:**

> In my last fic, I said I was toying around with retelling the entire story from Clarke's POV. So, here it is!
> 
> You don't have to have read I'm Gonna Leave You Anyway to understand this story, although I suggest it just for your own entertainment and so you can get an idea what's going on in Bellamy's head. 
> 
> This fic, and the first part of the series, are inspired by the show You're the Worst. It deviates a lot from the plot of that show, so seeing the show really isn't necessary for enjoying the fic. Basically, this is a story about two people who have their own kinds of commitment issues slowly working out their problems with each other, and ultimately figuring their shit out and falling in love. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all like it. I figured I might as well start working on this fic since the other one was still fresh on my mind. Plus, I originally wanted to alternate between POVs in the original fic, so I have a lot of Clarke's POV already written.

Clarke has made a lot of dumb decisions in her life. There was that time she tried dying her hair red. There was that other time that she confronted Ontari at the prom after party and ended up with a black eye. And then, there was her stupid decision to come to Finn Collins’ wedding alone.

Clarke was chugging another glass of wine, sitting in the back of the ballroom as Finn and Raven had their first dance. It was exactly how Clarke had imagined her first dance with Finn in her weird little wedding fantasy she had with him. She should have known back then how fucked she would be, since Clarke had never been all that interested in marriage.

Clarke decided to duck out of the ballroom and have a few minutes of quiet in the bathroom. It was a huge mistake showing up to this thing. She spent most of the night hiding from the few people that she knew while hoping that no one else had heard of who she was. And she only came because Raven begged her to.

God, Clarke should have said no. She should have thought about herself first. But, she felt so fucking guilty about what she had put Raven through that she couldn’t say no.

“Oh, it’s you,” some bridesmaid in the bathroom said as Clarke opened the door.

“Uh, hi, have we met?” Clarke asked, blinked a few times.

“No, not officially,” she snapped, crossing her arms. Clarke swallowed, knowing she should have anticipated something like this happening. “But, you were screwing the groom for a while so it was only a matter of time before we ran into each other.”

“That’s not the whole story…” Clarke started to explain, reminding herself that it probably looked really bad to everyone at this wedding, her showing up and all. But, Clarke didn’t want Finn back. Now, he creeped her out and being near him made her so uncomfortable.

“So, what? You didn’t show up here to try and ruin everything again?” she spat, and Clarke noticed this girl was pregnant, so she probably couldn’t smack this bitch around. She let out a sigh, clenching her jaw slightly.

“Listen, I came here because Raven asked me to. If you have a problem with me being here, take it up with the bride,” Clarke spat back, brushing past her toward the stalls. Once she shut the stall door behind her, Clarke let out a deep breath. She could do this. She didn’t have to stay. All she had to do was go grab her coat and take off. She sent Wells another text to see if he was still fine with picking her up. Clarke really didn’t want to have to take a taxi. She couldn’t be alone tonight. She needed someone.

Wells wasn’t texting her back, but Clarke went ahead and walked out into the lobby anyway. She couldn’t take another second of this stupid wedding.

“Clarke!” she heard Harper yell, and Clarke waved at her. She had a long line at the coat check, so Clarke went ahead and jumped in the back, furiously dialing Wells as fast as she could. She called him three times, yet no fucking answer. By the time Clarke reached the front of the line, she was the only one left.

“I literally cannot be here a moment longer,” Clarke groaned, and Harper rolled her eyes. She went to grab Clarke’s pink coat without even checking Clarke’s ticket… it was probably easy to find, since most people wore dark colored coats.

“Honestly, I’m surprised you lasted this long,” Harper said with a shrug. Clarke grabbed her coat and let out a sigh.

“To be honest, I didn’t think the wedding would actually happen,” Clarke confessed. She could blame this on her own denial. After everything that Finn said to her, it was hard to believe that he loved Raven enough to actually marry her. And there were so many promises to call the wedding off… Clarke half expected him to call this all off in a desperate attempt to get her back. But, she had to come to terms with the fact that it was over.

It’s not that she even wanted him back. She hated Finn for what he did to her. And to Raven.

Honestly, Clarke was surprised that Raven even went through with this. Clarke really liked her when they actually met, amazed that this badass girl could even put up with his nonsense for this long. Surely, she would come to her senses and call this whole thing off.

There were so many things wrong with this match to begin with… Clarke couldn’t believe they actually went through with it.

“Don’t feel bad. From what I’ve heard, a lot of people didn’t,” Harper said with a shrug.

“I just have to get out of here,” Clarke groaned.

“And how are you getting home?” Clarke started tugging on her coat, reminded that she’s on her way out.

“Wells said he would pick me up, but he’s not answering his phone,” she responded. She heard something behind her and Clarke looked over her shoulder to see a man in line behind her, texting on his phone. “Sorry,” Clarke muttered before stepping out of his way.

“It’s okay,” he reassured as he stepped forward and slid his ticket to Harper.

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring Wells to this thing,” Harper said as she went to grab the man’s coat.

“Yeah, well, he didn’t exactly want to see Finn again after Wells threw his drink at him at Grounders,” Clarke explained, leaving out that Finn probably also knew that it was Wells who kept getting his car towed. Harper burst out laughing and Clarke chuckled along. Then, she heard the man also laughing, and she narrowed her eyes at him. He was an attractive looking guy, if she were being completely honest. Although, her judgement might be a bit off since he was wearing a suit, and it was no secret that Clarke had a thing for men in suits.

“Sorry, I’m just not a fan of Finn, so I am kind of amused,” he explained with a shrug. At least someone else here knew that he was a total dick. Then, her phone went off, as Wells explained that he couldn’t pick her up.

“Aren’t you the guy that ruined the wedding?” she heard Harper ask, as she started furiously texting Wells back, pissed at him since he promised he would give her a damn ride home.

“Harper, please, the wedding was already fucked,” she muttered. “I’m getting a cab apparently,” Clarke said before waving goodbye to Harper and walking toward the door. She quickly got in line for a taxi, already mentally preparing how she would go off on Wells tomorrow for abandoning her.

“So, I didn’t catch your name,” she heard someone say behind her. Clarke turned around to glance at him, noticing this was the same man that was behind her in the coat check line.

“That’s because I didn’t give it to you,” she said with a smirk, wondering if this guy was just trying to pick her up. It was a wedding after all. And it wasn’t like Clarke was opposed to someone helping her take her mind off the whole Finn fiasco.

“Why are you leaving the wedding so early?” he asked, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at him. The lighting was a little bit better outside, and Clarke could see a bruise start to form on his cheek.

“Couldn’t stand another second of that nonsense. How’d you get that bruise?”

He bit his lip, looking down at the ground for a moment. “Bride threw her hairdryer at me,” he deadpanned, and Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “I just wanted to remind her that marrying Finn was a stupid idea,” he explained a bit defensively, as Clarke tried to keep from laughing. That was the understatement of the year.

“Yeah, they’re fucked.”

“So, how do you know Finn?” he asked, and Clarke felt her chest start to tighten. Considering how that bridesmaid went off at her earlier, she knew she couldn’t answer this question honestly. For all she knew, this guy already knew all about her little affair with Finn… just didn’t know it was her. “Well, I know you’re not here for the bride or I would have met you by now.”

Clarke let out a breath before muttering, “Trust me, I’m not here for the groom either.” She took a step forward in the line, realizing that she should probably stop talking to this guy.

“So, why did you come? To this clusterfuck, I mean.”

“Spite, probably,” Clarke blurted out.

“I’m Bellamy, by the way,” he said, reaching his hand out. Clarke hesitantly shook his hand, as she eyed him up and down. He really was handsome, minus that nasty hairdryer induced bruise. And he had these cute curls that she just wanted to pull.

“Okay,” Clarke teased, before stepping up, realizing that all of the sudden she was next in line.

“If you don’t tell me your name, I’ll just have to come up with some dumb nickname for you,” he said, and Clarke let out a small giggle. This guy was persistent, she’d give him that.

“Do your worst,” she joked, not even turning around to look at him.

“Okay, princess,” he teased and Clarke whipped her head around to shoot him a glare.

“Maybe try another one.” And then, he started smirking at her. And as much as Clarke hated to admit it, it was kind of a sexy smirk.

“Nope. Princess seems perfect for you,” he said as he crossed his arms. She rolled her eyes as she turned back around. This guy was ridiculous. But, she had to admit, he did a pretty decent job of distracting her from how shitty she was feeling.

Her taxi pulled up, and Clarke turned around to look at Bellamy. She gave him another once over, ignoring the smirk on his face since he knew exactly what she was doing. She thought about this for a moment. She didn’t get a lot of opportunities like this. She had been having a lot of hook ups lately, but there were always strings attached. But, this was a wedding hook up. And this guy didn’t even know her name. And, God, he was handsome.

“Want to share a taxi with me?”

He blinked a few times, clearly caught off guard, which only made Clarke’s smirk grow. Then, his smirk started to match hers.

“Sure, princess. Your place or mine?”

 

She wasn’t sure what had taken over her, but once they were inside his apartment, Clarke was on him, bruising her lips against his. He started pulling her toward his bedroom, and Clarke felt chills go up her spine. She fucking needed this. It had been such a horrible day, and now she could just get lost in this stranger for a while.

Once he locked his door, Clarke started kissing and biting her way down his throat, appreciating the small moans flowing from his mouth. She started to tug off his jacket as he threw his tie off to the side.

Before she knew it, she was on the bed, and he was climbing on top of her, his hands gripping her thighs tightly. She finally gave in and started tugging on his curls. God, his hair was too soft.

“Need something, princess?” she heard him whisper before he started sucking right below her ear. Clarke swallowed, wondering how this guy could easily figure out where her turn on areas were.

“Why are you calling me that?” she snapped a bit breathlessly, mildly annoyed at the dumb nickname. To be fair, she could have told him her actual name, but she wasn’t about to do that when he could just as easily know who Clarke Griffin is.

“Gotta have something to moan, and you’re too much of a tease to tell me your actual name,” he whispered right into her ear, and she could feel his hand right on her panties. She let out a small whimper as he tucked his face into her neck. His hand was just sitting there, teasing her, and Clarke thought she was going to die from waiting too long.

She gripped his hand and led it up to the elastic of her panties. She needed his fingers now, and didn’t have the patience to wait much longer. He took the hint, as he sat up to tug her panties off.

“So eager,” he teased, and Clarke involuntarily arched her back in response. He was now staring at her breasts, and Clarke couldn’t help but smirk. She knew the look in his eyes all too well. And she knew that they meant she was about to have some fun.

Without warning, he got onto the floor and started tugging Clarke toward the end of the bed, yanking her two legs apart and resting them on his shoulders. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch his predatory gaze rake over her.

She did her best to keep herself as quiet as possible, but couldn’t help herself as Bellamy ran his fingers down her slit. “So wet for me already,” he said breathlessly, before repeating the same motion but with his tongue. Clarke let out a guttural moan, before gripping his hair again.

She was having a hard time focusing, as his fingers pumped in and out of her and his lips sucked on her clit. It was too much. Clarke normally took much longer to get worked up, but she had been turned on since he agreed to share the damn taxi with her. She spent the whole ride pressing her legs together, trying to get some kind of friction while she waited to get her hands on him.

And, this guy really knew what he was doing.

“Bellamy,” she moaned, as she threw her head back, letting the pleasure wash over her. Fuck, she needed this. She could feel her legs start to shake, as Bellamy moved his face away from her pussy. She was breathing heavily, trying to get her thoughts back in order after that. When she finally looked up, Bellamy was pulling off his shirt, and Clarke started biting her lip as she surveyed the muscles on his torso.

“I want you naked, princess,” he ordered, and that snapped Clarke out of the trance she had been in. She started to unzip her dress as he took off his belt. Clarke smirked as she tugged her dress off, loving the dumbfounded look on Bellamy’s face as he stared at her breasts. Then, he started to pull of his pants, and Clarke’s eyes immediately moved to his boxers, smirking at how hard he was already. She looked back up at him to see him already looking back at her, narrowing his eyes. It was like they were playing a little game, and Clarke was loving every second of it.

And since it was apparently her turn, Clarke reached behind her to unhook her bra, letting it fall onto her lap. And Bellamy let out a whimper, which only made Clarke’s smirk grow. Whatever game they were playing, she just won.

He started moving to his dresser, pulling out a condom, and Clarke got up to start sucking on his neck. His skin tasted so good, and Clarke needed more.

“Fuck, princess,” he grunted, as he got the condom on. His hands grabbed her ass, and his lips were suddenly on hers, causing Clarke to let out an involuntary moan into his mouth. She gripped his back tightly, trying not to get too overwhelmed by the feeling of his sexy back muscles.

He guided her to the bed, turning her around so he could take her from behind.

“Sure, just take your time,” she teased, before he started to plunge into her, and Clarke clenched her eyes shut, overwhelmed by just how large he was. Sure, she had a pretty good idea before… but feeling it was something else.

“So fucking tight,” he murmured right into her ear, before letting his tongue trace her ear. One of his hands was groping her breast furiously, and Clarke was grateful that he wasn’t being gentle with her.

“You feel so good,” she whispered, leaning her head back slightly.

“So do you, princess. All tight and wet for me,” he whispered into her ear, and Clarke could feel the aroused sensation that caused fly all the way down to her throbbing clit. She swallowed, as he continued to thrust in and out of her, occasionally alternating which breast he was caressing, while he repeatedly bit into her neck.

Then, without warning, he pulled out and Clarke let out a whimper.

“On your back,” he commanded, and Clarke couldn’t help but smirk. It was so sexy how vocal he was, and Clarke could probably lose it again just by hearing him talk.

“Make me,” she challenged, and he immediately started moaning. God, she loved this little game they were playing. He pushed her onto her back, not even hiding the predatory way he looked at her body, lingering a bit on her breasts.

He thrust into her quickly, and Clarke let out an unexpected moan. Then, his lips found her breast as he kissed and sucked around her nipple. His hand was fast at work groping the other breast, and Clarke was in heaven. His tongue circled around her nipple, before he gave in and started sucking. She could feel him moaning onto her nipple, and Clarke had given up trying to suppress her own moans.

Her hands found his hair again, needing something to hold onto as he thrust in and out of her. He started to kiss his way back up to her lips, and Clarke moaned into his mouth. The kiss was messy, too wet and too much teeth, as their tongues violently danced around each other. But, it wouldn’t last long, as she suddenly felt her toes start to curl up, before erupting onto him.

And based on the guttural, almost primal growls coming out his mouth as she bit on his neck, she could tell he was losing it too.

“Easily the best thing that happened all day,” he said breathlessly once he pulled off her, and Clarke started giggling.

“You’re welcome,” she joked, before getting under the covers. And as she drifted off to sleep, she forgot all about the shitty wedding she went to and Finn fucking Collins.

 

Luckily, Wells felt guilty enough about last night that he agreed to pick her up from Bellamy’s apartment. Clarke quietly got dressed, careful not to wake him up.

As she stumbled into his living room, she heard someone in the kitchen. She glanced over to see Jasper Jordan’s wide eyes staring right at her. Clarke tripped over her own foot, barely catching herself on the backside of the couch.

“I take it the pink coat I found was yours,” Jasper said, and Clarke swallowed. She glanced back at Bellamy’s room before looking at Jasper. Of fucking course, she wouldn’t get away with hooking up with someone from that wedding without someone finding out about it.

“Jasper, please don’t tell anyone about this,” Clarke begged, and Jasper just started smirking.

“You stayed over,” he observed, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows.

“Seriously, Jasper,” Clarke said, and he shrugged.

“I can’t believe you came home with Bellamy,” Jasper said, running his fingers through his hair.

“Okay, you don’t get to judge me,” Clarke snapped, remembering to keep her voice down.

“I’m not judging you. I just didn’t see this coming from someone like you,” he shrugged, and Clarke could feel herself start to get angrier by the second.

“Well, it’s not like you know me these days anyways.”

“Clarke…”

“It was nice to see you again, Jasper,” she snapped, as she picked her coat up off the couch and stormed toward the front door.

 

“He was Jasper’s fucking roommate,” Clarke groaned as she stepped into Wells’ car.

“I thought I recognized this address,” Wells said, eyebrows raised.

“And Jasper is acting all judgy because I went home with some guy from a wedding. It’s not like he knows what is going on in my life anymore,” she snapped, banging her head on the back of the headrest.

“Clarke.”

“I’m just saying that after I ended things with Finn, he could have called. Or Monty. Fucking judgmental jerks,” Clarke muttered, as Wells let out a long sigh.

“You done?” She nodded, pressing her lips together, as Wells pulled onto the interstate. “You didn’t call them either,” he reminded, and Clarke nodded again. It wasn’t their fault that they were also friends with Finn. “So, how was the wedding?”

“Fucking dumb. I can’t believe they actually went through with it,” she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

“That why you decided to fuck a stranger?” Wells asked in a very judgmental tone. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, but he ignored her.

“It’s just something people do at weddings, Wells. And I was all alone there,” she snapped.

“Well, if you had taken Roan, you wouldn’t have been all alone.” Clarke started groaning. She was not in the mood to have this argument with Wells again.

“I wasn’t going to take Roan to this thing because we aren’t together. We occasionally hook up. Let’s not make a big deal about it.”

“I’m not making a big deal about it. Although, it is concerning how much you’ve been using sex to avoid your problems lately,” Wells snapped, and Clarke started lightly banging her head against the window. “I’m just saying, maybe you should try to date Roan. Or anyone really. And just stop this hook up nonsense you keep doing.”

“If you keep this up, I’m cancelling Sunday Funday,” she snapped, and Wells let out a sigh.

“Fine. Only because it’s Sunday Funday.”

 

Clarke had been grateful that Wells continued doing Sunday Funday with her. It wasn’t the same since she and Finn split, and no one else seemed willing to keep it going. Jasper and Monty felt too awkward to keep showing up since they were kind of Finn’s friends first. Roan really wasn’t consistent enough to actually show up for every Sunday Funday. Occasionally Harper would come, but Clarke knew that was only so she could hang out with Monty. And Luna got bored when she tried to tag along with just Clarke and Wells, so she gave up too.

But, this gave Clarke something to look forward to. As the day rounded out, they found themselves walking into Grounders, Clarke still a bit pissed that she had lost yet another bet. Then, all of the sudden, she saw Monty running up to them.

He gripped her in a hug, and Clarke looked at Wells with a confused look. She had briefly seen him at the wedding last night, but hid behind a centerpiece before he could see her. This was the first time she had run into him in months.

“Hey, guys. I haven’t seen you in so long,” Monty said, pulling Wells in for a hug. “I’m sitting with Jasper and some of my friends over there,” Monty said, pointing over to the corner. Clarke glanced up to see Jasper, who Clarke was not eager to see again, a guy she briefly talked to at the wedding… and Bellamy. He had a panicked look in his eyes, and Clarke quickly returned her focus to Monty, ignoring the pounding in her chest.

She absolutely did not want to see Bellamy again. Last night was a one-time thing… and now, here he was. God, this bar wasn’t even close to his apartment. What were the odds that he would show up here?

She tuned out while Monty eagerly talked to Wells, as she realized that this couldn’t be a coincidence. Not since she found out that Jasper was his roommate. And Jasper fucking knew she and Wells came here every Sunday night. She tried not to roll her eyes at the realization.

“Yeah, do you guys want to come sit with us?” Monty asked, and Clarke swallowed, trying to keep a bitter expression from taking over her face. She really shouldn’t blow Monty off… after all, she hadn’t seen him in so long. But, she really didn’t want to talk to Bellamy.

“Actually, I really need to talk about something to Wells. Maybe in a bit,” Clarke said, tugging Wells toward the bar. Wells shot her a dirty look, and Clarke’s eyes widened, hoping he could realize that something was up.

He let out a groan as he plopped down next to her at the bar. Clarke made sure to keep her back to where they were all sitting, not wanting to be tempted to steal a glance at Bellamy.

“This is what I’m talking about. You have got to stop being weird. The Finn thing happened months ago, Clarke,” Wells snapped, and Clarke quickly ordered their drinks.

“That guy over there,” Clarke said, gesturing her head back to where all of them were sitting, “is the guy I went home with last night.”

“Oh my God, you have to go talk to him,” Wells said with a huge grin on his face. Clarke slapped his shoulder as he burst out laughing. “Can we talk about how you have the worst luck in the world?”

“This isn’t funny,” Clarke snapped. Wells glanced over Clarke’s shoulder with a smirk.

“You sure you don’t at least want to fuck him again? His hands look real nice,” Wells said, eyeing him appreciatively. Clarke hit him again. Then, Wells started smiling again, this time looking elsewhere. “Your luck just got that much worse,” he teased, as Clarke looked over to see Roan approaching.

“I was hoping you guys would still be here,” Roan said, leaning in to hug Clarke. She exchanged a quick look with Wells, who was smirking as he took a sip of his drink. Roan’s hand lingered on Clarke’s back, and she let out a sigh.

“Where else would we be?” she asked, forcing a smile.

“Although, I think Clarke is still hungover from the wedding,” Wells said, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“What wedding?” Roan asked, furrowing his brows.

“Finn’s wedding. It was last night,” Clarke explained, not glancing up at Roan who was definitely giving her a very serious look.

“You know I would have gone with you to that. It really wasn’t smart of you to go alone,” Roan said, and Clarke swallowed.

“Roan!” she heard someone yell, and Roan whipped his head around before getting excited. Clarke turned to see that it was that other guy sitting with Jasper and Bellamy.

“Don’t you worry. I’ll be right back,” he whispered right into Clarke’s ear, and she swallowed. He started walking over to talk to all of them. Of course, Roan knew this guy. Great. Today couldn’t get any weirder.

“You need to stop sleeping with him,” Wells snapped, and Clarke whipped her head around.

“I know,” she said, closing her eyes slightly, biting her lip. “But, I’ve made it perfectly clear to him that this is just casual.”

“Well, how about you pay our bar tab?” he asked with a smirk, and Clarke groaned, remembering that she had lost the bet. “And, I am going to go meet your sexy one-night stand,” Wells said, and Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Wells, please,” she begged, but he was already standing up.

“Tough shit, Clarke. Besides, I want to talk to Jasper.”

Clarke pulled out her card, waiting for the bartender to stop being so busy to notice her.

“Didn’t expect to see you again,” she heard a familiar voice say, and Clarke jumped out of surprise. “Sorry,” Bellamy followed up, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“So,” Clarke started, not sure what to say to this guy. Honestly, she knew nothing about him except that he’s good in bed and apparently knows Finn and Raven. “You’re Jasper’s roommate,” she observed, and he pressed his lips together, nodding.

“And you’re Finn’s other girlfriend,” he snapped, and Clarke felt her entire body tighten up. This was exactly what she was afraid of.

“Ex,” she corrected, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Not judging, just stating the facts,” he replied with a shrug. The bartender stopped by and Clarke slid him her card, trying not to blow up at this complete stranger.

“But, you are judging,” she said, now looking at him. Clarke was so sick of everyone judging her. Whether it was the strangers at the wedding who knew her as Finn’s whore or her own friends who didn’t understand why she insisted on having only casual relationships now. She was so fucking sick of all of it.

“Just funny that you never mentioned it.

“I don’t really divulge my life story to one-night stands,” she spat before thinking, and she could see Bellamy scanning her face. She was momentarily worried that it came off a little too harsh, calling him a one-night stand. But, that’s what he was. It’s not her fault that he decided to strike up this dumb conversation with her.

“Still, probably would have been nice to know that you were the reason Raven’s heart got broken,” he snapped, as the bartender returned with her check. Clarke swallowed, processing this, as she started to calculate tip.

Clarke may not have been able to go off on that dumb bridesmaid last night, or properly put Wells in his place as he makes sly comments about her sex life. But, she’ll never see this prick again. And she can tell him exactly what she’s thinking.

“Fun fact, Bellamy, I didn’t know about Raven,” she snapped, as she added up the total. “I’m not the homewrecking whore that a lot of you make me out to be. I showed up to that wedding because Raven asked me to. She said it would help her if she could see me and Finn in the same room again,” she continued as she signed her name at the bottom. “To make sure he didn’t still have feelings for me,” Clarke snapped as she slammed the pen down.

“Clarke,” she heard him say, and she hated that he now knew her fucking name. She turned around to look at this smug asshole, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t appreciate you suggesting that I’m the reason shit went down with Finn and Raven. That’s on him, not me. So, stop being so fucking judgmental,” she said as aggressively as she could manage. Bellamy’s eyes widened, looking completely caught off guard. Clarke was so sick of everyone thinking they could just tell her off whenever they wanted to, just because she was seeing someone who was engaged to someone else. Everyone loved to think they knew the whole story, but not a single person did.

“I’m not being judgmental. Honestly, I didn’t come over here to pick a fight with you,” he said carefully, but Clarke wasn’t having any more of this.

“Then, why did you come over here?”

“To make sure, you know,” he stumbled, looking down at his hands while he talked. Clarke struggled not to roll her eyes. “That you know last night was just a one-time thing.”

Clarke had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. Of course, she knew that. For God’s sake, she didn’t even tell him her name. Why would she ever expect this to happen again?

“Message received,” she snapped, giving him a once over. “You can go back to your friends now,” she said as she grabbed her purse and stood up.

Of course, she went home with an asshole like that. As she walked over to Wells and Roan, Clarke realized that she needed to do something to get all of this stupidity off her mind.

“Want to drive me home?” Clarke asked Roan as she put her car keys into Roan’s hands. He started smirking, knowing exactly what this meant. Clarke ignored the annoyed glare from Wells as best she could, along with the little voice inside her head saying that this was a bad idea.

 

Roan wasted no time getting Clarke undressed as soon as her front door shut. They didn’t even make it to her bedroom, as he picked her up and pushed her onto the countertop.

Clarke swallowed, letting Roan’s lips suck, and bite their way down to her chest. She just needed to forget about the last twenty-four hours. And Roan loved helping her forget all about Finn and how much life could suck sometimes.

And as he thrust in and out of her quickly, not even trying to be gentle, Clarke closed her eyes and buried her face into his shoulder. She forgot about the fact that a man she loved just married someone else. She forgot that almost all her friends abandoned her as soon as she became known as the other woman. She forgot that people already judged her without ever meeting her. She forgot that she was in a place in life where she had to go to weddings all alone. And she willfully ignored the fact that it was becoming harder and harder for her to just hook up with someone to forget these things.

Because, as soon as it was over, all those horrible thoughts started drowning Clarke’s brain again.


	2. Equally Dead Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you guys are liking the alternate POVs so far. The first few of Clarke's are gonna be hella emotional, because, let's be real, home girl is a mess. I got a little emotional writing the second half of this one. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!

Weeks passed, and Clarke slowly forgot all about that ridiculous wedding. She threw herself back into work, hasn’t slept with Roan since that night at Grounders, and even managed to reach out to Monty and Jasper again. Sure, Clarke still wasn’t feeling great… but, she needed to keep distracting herself until she was finally over all this crap.

And today was a great day to stay distracted, since one of her colleagues had to step out, leaving her to fill in, nearly doubling the amount of appointments she had scheduled for the day.

“Hi, Octavia. Your regular doctor had to step out for a family emergency, so I’m stepping in. I’m Dr. Griffin,” she said as she scanned the forms the nurse had filled out. As far as she could tell, everything was looking good for her pregnancy, so this should be an easy enough appointment.

“Hi, Dr. Griffin. This is my brother, Bellamy,” she heard Octavia say, and Clarke’s head snapped up, immediately recognizing that name. And sure enough, there was her one-night stand… at the place Clarke worked. She swallowed, remembering that she needed to stay professional.

Because of her job, Clarke ran into people she knew all the time… and it was always awkward. But, this was the first time anything quite like this had happened… and hopefully the last.

“Nice to meet you both,” Clarke said, forcing a smile as she sat down. Octavia didn’t seem to know who she was in relation to her brother, which she was grateful for. “So, everything is looking great so far…” Clarke started, before going over the information on the form. After a few minutes, Clarke started to ease into the appointment, completely forgetting who Bellamy was and the horrible things he said to her at the bar. Octavia seemed really receptive to all the things Clarke was suggesting going forward, and Clarke was kind of caught off guard by how much she liked her. She was a good patient.

“Again, I’m so sorry that I had to step in. It was lovely to meet you both,” Clarke said as she stood up, taking a deep breath as she walked toward the door. She had to take a minute before she could go in to see her next patient, deciding to rest her head on her desk for a few minutes.

“Hey, Clarke?” Atom asked as he walked into her office. She jerked her head up and raised an eyebrow. “One of the patients you took on today just asked if she could switch to being your patient?”

“Let me guess. Octavia?” Clarke asked, letting a small laugh escaping from her lips.

“How did you know?” Atom asked, furrowing his brows.

“I’m just lucky, I guess,” Clarke said, before resting her head back on her desk. Of course, Bellamy’s little sister would want to be her patient. Although, she was fairly certain that boy wouldn’t be caught dead in another one of these appointments again. But, still.

 

“You promised,” Wells snapped, as Clarke put her arm in his, forcing a smile.

“You know I hate people,” Clarke muttered, and Wells raised an eyebrow at her. “Except you, of course.”

He started grinning as they walked into the gallery. “No getting drunk tonight. We promised my dad,” he reminded, and Clarke let out a groan. “Also, please don’t ditch me to take some rando home,” Wells begged, and Clarke pressed her lips together.

“Not cool,” she snapped, and Wells let out a chuckle. “You know I’m not sleeping with Roan anymore,” she reminded him and he just shrugged, leading her toward the bar.

“Yeah, I know. I’m proud of you. You really seem to be getting your shit together,” Wells said, before placing an order with the bartender. Clarke started grinning to herself. “You also look lovely tonight,” Wells threw in and Clarke jokingly flipped her hair.

“Alright, so are we going to start making bets on whether or not Finn shows his face tonight?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I bet he doesn’t,” Wells says with a shrug.

“It’s his damn firm that’s hosting this. He’s gonna show,” Clarke said, as the bartender came back with their drinks.

“Finn knows you’re gonna be here. No balls. He won’t show,” Wells said, extending his hand for them to shake on it. They started walking away from the bar, since it was getting crowded. Clarke tugged him to look at some of the art pieces up for auction. She really wasn’t impressed with this artist, but she might just be a bit of a snob.

“Dr. Griffin, I knew I saw your name on the guest list,” she heard someone say, as she turned around to see Lincoln walking up to her.

“Hello, Lincoln. It’s great to see you,” Clarke said. She really liked Lincoln, not that she should be surprised. She liked Octavia a lot. And despite how nervous she had been for their last appointment, she got quite comfortable talking with Octavia and Lincoln. Their appointment ran a little long because Clarke got lost in the conversation.

“Dr. Griffin!” she heard Octavia shout, before she turned her head quickly in her direction… immediately seeing Octavia standing with her brother.

“Oh my God,” she heard Wells mutter, before she elbowed him in the side. She turned around to raise an eyebrow at him, even though his smirk was growing larger by the second. She tugged him toward them, knowing that it would be rude not to say hi. But, God, Clarke felt like she was going to throw up.

“Yeah, I thought I told you she was coming tonight,” Lincoln said as they walked over.

“No, you didn’t,” Octavia said, before playfully hitting Lincoln in the chest.

“Wells, this is Octavia. She’s one of my patients,” Clarke said with a forced smile, as Wells bit his lip. “This is her husband, Lincoln, and her brother, Bellamy,” Clarke said, and Wells reached out to shake each of their hands.

“So nice to meet you all,” Wells said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“So, are you two here together or…?” Octavia asked with a huge smile, and Wells burst out laughing. Clarke quickly elbowed him in the side, keeping a smile plastered on her face. Bellamy was staring at her, but Clarke kept her eyes trained on Octavia.

“He’s my best friend,” Clarke answered, and Octavia nodded along. God, it was bad enough that she had to run into Bellamy again… but of course, it had to be with Wells who was acting like an annoying little brother. Then, Clarke saw something out of the corner of her eye. She glanced over Bellamy’s shoulder to see Finn Collins on the phone. “Excuse me,” Clarke said suddenly, throwing her drink into Wells’ hands, quickly powerwalking toward the bathrooms.

Once Clarke got into the restroom, she braced her hands on both sides of the sink. She reminded herself to take deep breaths, but it was getting harder and harder for her to breathe. She swallowed, putting her hands on top of her head, before she started pacing. She was going to be okay. She saw Finn at the wedding, and she handled that just fine.

Sure, she may have gone home with a stranger who turned out to be an asshole just like everyone else. And sure, she might have snapped at the bar, and then taken home another guy. But, she lived. She was going to be fine.

After a few minutes, she talked herself into walking out of the bathroom and heading down the hallway back into the gallery. Then, she spotted Wells, talking with Finn, and Clarke swallowed. She could do this. Then, she spotted Bellamy looking over his shoulder at her, and forced herself to take another deep breath. She would be fine. This wouldn’t be the hardest thing she’s ever done in life.

She looked back at Finn, realizing that Raven wasn’t even here as a buffer. Fuck, she couldn’t do this. Clarke took off back down the hallway, rushing back into the bathroom as quickly as she could.

 

Her biggest fear became a reality as soon as she mustered up the courage to step out of the bathroom.

“Clarke, I’m happy to see you,” Finn said as she emerged from the hallway.

“Hi, Finn,” she snapped, not even forcing a smile this time. He went in for a hug, and Clarke stepped back. “Where’s your wife?” Clarke asked, not even hiding the bitterness in her tone at the word “wife.”

“Raven really hates coming to these things,” Finn said with a shrug, and Clarke nodded.

“Well, great to see you,” Clarke said, as she spotted Wells heading toward the bar, and she started to move toward him.

“Clarke, wait,” Finn said, grabbing her arm. She jerked away from him, eyes going wide.

“Touch me again and see what happens,” she spat, clenching her jaw. Honestly, Clarke just wanted to get away from him. There were too many people at this gallery who knew about their past relationship. And she didn’t want any more judgmental glares in her life. People had just stopped treating her like she was Finn’s mistress.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Then, talk,” she snapped, raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said, stepping toward her. She took another step back, swallowing.

“Well, find a way to stop. You’re married and I can’t stand you.”

“Clarke, please,” he pleaded, putting his hand on her arm. Clarke really didn’t want to cause a scene, but she also really wanted to make this dumbass hurt. She stomped down on his foot as hard as she could, making sure to use the heel of her shoe. Clarke figured, she was already in pain in the high heels anyways. Might as well put them to use. “What the fuck, Clarke,” Finn yelped, jerking away in pain.

“I told you not to touch me,” she said with a smirk, and his eyes grew wide.

“I understand you’re upset. But, you don’t understand…” he said, still wincing in pain.

“I understand that you were engaged to another person the whole time we were together. I understand that you love her, yet are still trying to cheat on her with me. You’re a fucking pig,” she muttered, before storming off. Her new plan was to stay visible all night, since Finn wouldn’t dare harass her in front of other people.

 

After running into a few more people she knew, Clarke finally made her way over to Wells, letting out a sigh of relief as she approached him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding annoyed.

“Nothing,” Clarke said, noticing that Wells was sitting with Bellamy for some reason. She sat down on the other side of him, rolling her eyes. Of course, he was trying to buddy up with Bellamy. Clarke never should have left them alone. “Just ran into your dad. He’s looking for you.”

Clarke picked up a bar menu, scanning through to see if there were any interesting cocktails. She was calm, she reminded herself. Everything was fine.

“What did you do to Finn?” Wells snapped, and Clarke glanced up, looking over at Finn who apparently wasn’t feeling to great.

“Don’t know what you mean,” Clarke shrugged, as she looked back at the menu.

“He’s favoring his right foot, Clarke,” Wells snapped, and Clarke couldn’t stop herself from smirking. “Okay, if you’re going to be like this, I’m gonna go find my dad. Be nice to Bellamy. He’s my new friend,” Wells continued as he got up, and Clarke’s head snapped up, raising an eyebrow.

Bellamy was chuckling, and she fought every urge she had to roll her eyes. She was already having enough shitty interactions tonight… she might as well try to play nice. “You two are friends now?” Clarke asked. And then, the smug asshole rolled his eyes.

“Don’t know why you’re surprised, princess,” he said smugly, and Clarke rolled her eyes at his use of that dumb nickname. It didn’t even make sense. “I’m a very charming person.”

“Clearly,” she muttered, before placing an order for a drink.

“You must have thought so,” he teased, and Clarke turned back to glare at him.

“And then quickly learned better the next day,” she snapped back, smirking at him.

“Look, I’ve been meaning to apologize for that night at the bar,” Bellamy said, and Clarke was almost shocked at how sincere he sounded. But, Clarke was getting really tired of apologies. They didn’t really mean anything anymore. No one ever changed how they acted, and she knew Bellamy would be no exception. So, she let out a groan.

“Don’t bother. I really don’t care. I’ve heard far worse than that, trust me. It’s fine,” she blew him off, before grabbing her drink from the bartender.

“Yeah, but I was a total dick to you.”

“Join the club,” Clarke joked. “Do you have any idea how many people turned on me after everything went down? Hell, that morning was the first time Jasper had talked to me since the breakup. At least you had the balls to be a dick to my face,” she muttered into her drink.

“You still have Wells. He basically started bitching Finn out for you, earlier.”

Clarke smirked. “Which he totally didn’t need to. Trust me, I had my turn.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, as Clarke played with the straw in her drink. This was such a weird night.

“So, I had to tell Octavia about our weird situation,” Bellamy blurted out, and Clarke couldn’t keep herself from laughing.

“Thank God. I nearly lost my shit when I saw you at her appointment,” Clarke confessed, pressing her lips together as she fought off the laughter.

“I gripped Octavia’s hand so hard that she slapped me in the chest. I was so panicked,” Bellamy said with a huge smile, laughing along with her.

“So, I didn’t put the pieces together until that moment, but Jasper had ranted to me about how this girl named Octavia likes to confront people before,” Clarke started to explain, pinching the bridge of her nose. “When I found out she had asked that I be her new doctor, I started panicking that she would confront me during our appointments.” Then, Clarke remembered the appointment she had with her yesterday. “Like, yesterday, I walked into her appointment five minutes late because I needed to give myself a pep talk. You know, to prepare for the worst,” Clarke said very seriously, as Bellamy died of laughter, shaking his head.

“Don’t know if this is comforting at all, but she literally would confront you during an appointment. She has no problem with that kind of thing,” he pointed out, and Clarke buried her face in her hands, still laughing.

“Like, I’ve had a lot of awkward situations at work. Run into a lot of people I know in the real world. But that one… it fucking takes the cake,” Clarke said into her drink, not even sure she should be surprised that she found herself here talking to Bellamy again. It seemed like the universe was punishing her with awkwardness.

“And then, you run into both of us here. And Finn.”

“The perfect storm,” Clarke joked, rolling her eyes.

“So, what did you do to Finn?” he asked with a smirk, and Clarke couldn’t keep from laughing.

“Just stopped on his foot with my heel. He wouldn’t go away, so, you know,” she said, smirking.

“Fucking hate that guy,” he said, shaking his head.

“Join the club, we have jackets,” she joked, before standing up. She patted him on the back, before walking over to Wells and Thelonious, amazed at how easily that conversation just went. And as she listened to Thelonious go off on a rant about city council, Clarke kept replaying the fun conversation she had with Bellamy. It was just so easy to talk to him… which was rare these days. For Clarke, talking to anyone felt like a chore. She had so much anxiety about meeting new people and getting to know them, probably because she had been harassed so much lately.

But, that was remarkably easy to fall into.

 

Of course, Octavia felt the need to talk to Clarke about remaining her patient. Clarke really should have seen it coming. Clarke had no problem remaining professional, of course.

Sure, it was a weird situation. But, Clarke had no intention of seeing Bellamy again, so it should be fine.

Clarke was currently pacing in the hallway, in the middle of a texting fight with her mother. Somehow, the perfect Abby Griffin forgot to tell her only daughter that she wasn’t going to be home for Christmas this year.

“So, you’re still O’s doctor, huh?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke flinched, not expecting anyone to be in the hallway. The auction had already started, which meant that everyone was busy paying attention or leaving. “Sorry,” he said, noticing she was startled, and Clarke let out a breath.

“Yeah, apparently it’s not weird for her.”

“You okay?” he asked, and Clarke suddenly felt really uncomfortable. Sitting at the bar with him was one thing. It was crowded and other people were around as a buffer. But, this… this just felt too intimate. And now, he was asking her how she was… like they had some kind of relationship with each other. “Look, I know you say it doesn’t bother you, but I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have been such an ass to you.”

And for a moment, it really felt like he meant that. She glanced up at him, studying his face closely. Although, she couldn’t figure out what he wanted out of this. No one apologized unless they needed something, a lesson she learned early on in her life.

“Thank you,” Clarke said, swallowing. Then, she spotted Finn starting to walk down the hallway. “Oh, fuck,” Clarke whispered, before taking off down the hallway before Finn could spot her. She found one of the storage closets and quickly opened the door. She tried to pull the door behind her, only for it to get stuck. Then, Bellamy ran into the closet, pulling the door shut behind him. “What are you doing?” she snapped, pushing him on the chest. She needed him out of here. Clarke was panicking, which means that she needed to be left alone. And she certainly didn’t want to be trapped in a dark closet with a one-night stand.

“Maybe I don’t want to be stuck in a conversation with Finn either,” he whispered, grabbing Clarke’s hands. She pulled away quickly, shocked by the sudden physical contact. She swallowed, reminding herself that she needed to breathe. She couldn’t completely lose it in front of Bellamy.

“Then go find your own closet,” she snapped.

“Sorry, princess,” he teased, and she suddenly felt irrationally angry about that stupid nickname.

“You know my name now. You can drop the fucking nickname,” she snapped, and she could hear him chuckling. Then, Bellamy found the light switch and flipped it on. She really wished he would turn it off, so that she could pretend she was completely alone.

“Why would I drop the nickname? I thought it was what made us special,” he teased with that fucking smirk, and Clarke wanted to punch him. Then, all the sudden, her phone started ringing, and she frantically moved to silence the call before Finn could hear them.

“What the fuck,” Bellamy muttered once Clarke showed him who was calling.

“I need him to leave me the fuck alone,” she muttered, trying to hold back her tears. It wasn’t like this happened often. But, he did occasionally call her. And every time, she felt like she could throw up after seeing the caller ID. “Will you peek out there and see if he’s still there?” she pleaded, needing to get out of there as quickly as possible. She could just text Wells and tell him she took a taxi home. She could run away from this event while everyone was distracted and no one would have to know.

When Bellamy closed the door again, his face told her everything she needed to know.

“Guess you’re stuck with me for a bit, princess,” he tried to joke, but Clarke couldn’t even fake a laugh. Then, his phone went off and he started reading a text. “Octavia wants to know if I’m off having sex with you again.”

“Tell her absolutely. This was all part of my master plan,” Clarke said sarcastically, imagining how funny this must look to other people. A girl who wants nothing to do with her ex, ends up going home with a friend of his new wife, then becomes the doctor of the sister of the guy she went home with. And now, she’s hiding from the ex with said guy she went home with. If they fell in love, this would make one hell of a Lifetime movie.

“If you wanted to have sex with me again, all you had to do is ask, princess,” he teased, and Clarke raised an eyebrow, absolutely considering it. It wasn’t like her evening could get even more fucked up. And she was trapped in here anyways. She might as well distract herself so that she didn’t work herself into a panic attack.

“Okay,” she said, and all the sudden Bellamy looked nervous.

“I was joking,” he said quickly, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I know, but it’s not like we have anything else to do in here. We’re stuck until Finn goes away,” she teased, and Bellamy looked even more nervous. She almost groaned, realizing that he wasn’t going to be cool about this. She was probably wrong to assume that he would be as easy to sleep with the second time around. But, then he surprised her. Turning off the lights, before crashing into her, lips furiously bruising against her own.

Clarke immediately started to undo his belt, as his tongue quickly found hers, his hands on her waist. She unzipped his pants, tugging them down slightly so that she could cup his cock through his boxers… and God, it did not take him long at all to get turned on. He moaned into her mouth, and it felt so good.

His hands quickly gripped her breasts, and Clarke momentarily forgot about stroking his cock. She forgot how good his large hands felt as they groped her. After she let out a few moans, she remembered his neglected cock, and resumed her ministrations as his lips travelled down her neck. She quickly gripped his hair.

“You like this, huh?” she whispered as her fingers traced over the growing bulge. “Sneaking off and fucking me like this? Already so hard for me,” she moaned breathlessly, as Bellamy kept his face buried in her neck. His breathing felt so good against her skin, and Clarke could feel herself getting lost in it. “Didn’t think I’d get to fuck you again,” she murmured as he started sucking at her pulse point.

“God, I’m so turned on, Bellamy,” she kept talking, trying to keep her mind as in the moment as she possibly could. “So wet already. Touch me,” she ordered, and Bellamy’s hand snuck between her legs. She smirked as she watched his face. She loved seeing the face of a guy who just realized she wasn’t wearing any underwear.

“If I had known you were walking around without underwear on, I would have dragged you back here sooner,” he practically growled, and Clarke felt herself melt into him. “It’s like you’re already ready for me, princess,” he said as his thumb found her clit. As much as Clarke would be fine with some more foreplay, she also really liked the idea of him just fucking her brains out. She nodded, studying him closely as he pulled back to tug down his boxers. It was so dark in there, she could barely make out his large, beautiful cock as it freed itself from the boxers. Clarke couldn’t wait much longer, and she started to rub her clit as she watched him fumble around with the condom.

Without warning, he was on her again, lifting her up onto his cock, keeping her pressed against the wall. Bellamy shut up any noise that might have come out of her mouth with his lips, as he moaned into her mouth. Clarke clenched her eyes shut as she felt him stretch her out. God, she forgot how good this felt.

“Just like that,” she murmured, as he began slamming into her. He aggressively put his hand over her mouth, and Clarke noticed the sound of footsteps outside the door. She swallowed, slightly panicked that someone might walk in. She glanced back at Bellamy, who had a dark, sexy expression on his face. Slowly, he pulled his hand off her mouth.

“Bet that turns you on. It does, doesn’t it? Such a dirty princess,” he teased as he started sucking below her ear again.

“Don’t act like it isn’t turning you on, knowing that anyone could come in here and see you fucking me,” she moaned, suddenly liking the idea of Finn overhearing her fucking Bellamy. She knew that would be horrible, but also entertaining as hell. And kind of hot.

His fingers found her clit again, and Clarke swears she was going to lose it. She started whimpering, as Bellamy bit her harder. “Come for me, baby,” he growled, and Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. She gripped the back of his neck, as the pleasured crashed over her. She kept her moans as quiet as possible, as she came undone around his cock. Then, his hand found her mouth again, and for some reason, that only made it all the more intense.

He started biting down hard on her shoulder, and Clarke could feel him start to erupt inside of her. She moaned against his hand, tasting his skin as she lost herself in him.

They put themselves back together, trying to not look like they had just had sex in the closet. Bellamy peered out into the hallway, before gesturing for Clarke to step out.

“Uh, Clarke,” he started to say, and Clarke knew he was just as worried as she was.

“Don’t worry. It never happened,” she said, before placing a reassuring pat on his shoulder. She spotted Wells by the doorway and took off toward him, not looking back at Bellamy. They didn’t need to speak about what happened. It was a moment of weakness. Clarke needed to get her mind off how shitty everything was. And he just happened to be there.

 

Her phone continued to ring as Wells drove her home. She kept her phone on silent, not acknowledging the calls as Wells went off on a rant about how obnoxious his father had been all night. She nodded along, occasionally asking a question or two, but she wasn’t listening. It was hard to hear anything when her brain was such a mess.

Once Clarke was in the elevator in her apartment building, she let herself listen to one of the voicemails that Finn had left.

“Clarke, I am so sorry. I just need to hear your voice,” Finn said, and Clarke burst into tears. She kept her ear pressed to the phone as she got out her keys. “When I saw you tonight, I knew I made a mistake. I am so sorry I did this to you,” he kept saying, and Clarke could hear him tear up over the phone. She started walking toward her apartment door, unlocking it. “Marrying her was a mistake. I’m still in love with you, Clarke,” he said, as Clarke opened the door. She dropped her purse to the ground, as she rested her back against the front door. “I’ll never stop loving you,” was the last thing he said before hanging up, and Clarke just laid down on the floor, in front of the door, curling up on her side.

She hit replay, as she put the phone on speaker. She laid there for at least an hour, listening to the same message over and over, as the tears continued to flow.

It was clear that no amount of drinking or meaningless sex was going to make this go away. She was just fucked. Her mind raced, as she wondered how she got to this point. Wondered if she could have done something to stop this from happening. If only she knew then what she knew now. Maybe then she wouldn’t have been broken.

 

She woke up feeling like complete and utter death, her eyes sore from crying. She spent twenty minutes convincing herself to get out of bed, fearing what she was going to have to do once she did.

Eventually, she was upright, and started to dial.

“Hello?” Raven said with a concerned tone, and Clarke let out a sigh. Raven already knew something was up. Clarke wouldn’t call just for a check in.

“There is some stuff I need to talk to you about, Raven,” Clarke said, ignoring the tear escaping out of the corner of her eye.

“Is this about…” Raven started to say, but Clarke knew she was too scared to finish that thought.

“There are some voicemails I would want to hear if I were his wife,” Clarke said, swallowing.

 

Raven heaved into Clarke’s shirt, and Clarke was suddenly aware of how many people were probably giving them strange looks.

“It’s okay,” Clarke tried to reassure, knowing that there was no way in hell this could ever be okay.

“Sorry,” Raven mumbled, as she forced herself to sit up. Clarke handed her a napkin, and Raven quickly tried to clean her face off.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, as Clarke put her phone back in her purse. She only let Raven listen to one of the voicemails, not wanting to torture her with all six of them.

“What are you going to do?” Clarke asked finally, not sure if that was an overstep.

“I don’t know,” Raven said quickly as she gathered her things and stood up abruptly.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said frantically, grabbing Raven’s wrist right before she left. Raven looked back with a solemn look on her face.

“I know,” Raven said, before pulling away, leaving Clarke all alone in a restaurant, knowing everyone there was giving her side glances.

 

Clarke couldn’t stop shaking long enough to actually do anything that day, so she laid back in her bed, curled on her side. She felt so alone all of the sudden. She wanted to call Wells, but was worried that she was relying on him too much. She didn’t have a lot of friends anymore, not since she became the whore that ruined Finn and Raven’s relationship.

She heaved into her pillow, trying to think of anyone else she could call. She wasn’t speaking to her mother at the moment, not that she would call her anyways. Luna would be at work by now. And Clarke lost all her other friends when she and Finn split.

Then, she heard her front door open, which meant that Wells was stopping by. She rested her head back down on her pillow, waiting for him to come and find her.

But, it wasn’t Wells who opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke muttered, wiping her face slightly.

“I borrowed Wells’ key,” Jasper said with a shrug. Monty stepped out from behind him and made his way over to Clarke’s bed.

“Hey, I know we haven’t been the greatest friends lately,” Monty said, as Clarke sat up. “But, we’re here now.”

“Raven came over earlier to tell Bellamy about what happened last night. She needed a friend. We figured you could use one too,” Jasper said, as he sat on the opposite side of Clarke.

“Thank you,” Clarke managed to utter, before burying her face into Monty’s shoulder. She could feel both of them rubbing her back, and it felt nice.

“It’s okay,” Monty reassured, and Clarke told them everything, thankful that for once she wasn’t alone.


	3. Insouciance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got some more angst coming at you guys. I'm glad you guys are liking Clarke's angsty POVs. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!!

“I really didn’t think you would mind, Clarke. You hardly spent any of your Christmas with us last year,” she heard her mother groan over the phone. She let out a sigh, as she pulled into the next aisle, remembering that she was out of Oreos.

“I was at the house for at least an hour,” Clarke snapped, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You know what, Clarke, you are a grown adult. You can find other plans for Christmas,” her mother snapped back, and Clarke let out a sigh, leaning on her cart. There was no way she was going to win this argument. Honestly, Clarke wasn’t even sure of what she was fighting for at this point. They’ve already booked the stupid cruise and they’re going… whether she likes it or not.

And it wasn’t like she even liked being with them on Christmas. Sitting in her old house with just Marcus and Abby was like a yearly reminder of how little her life had changed… when she fully expected to be married with kids by now… or at least, moving toward that. But, her life had been at a standstill lately.

Clarke suddenly felt a pang of guilt, realizing that the only thing she hoped to accomplish from this argument was to make her mother feel bad about ditching her. Even though Clarke thought it was shitty of them to take off for the holidays, Clarke could kind of understand the appeal. And it wasn’t fair for her to guilt trip her mother just because Clarke was feeling lonely.

“I will,” Clarke mumbled, looking over the new weird flavors of Oreos. She really shouldn’t try one. She knew that it would taste odd, but that she would keep eating them to try and decide if she liked them or not… and before she knew it, the whole box was gone.

“We will call you on Christmas Day, though. Maybe you can go over to the Jaha’s!” she said enthusiastically, and Clarke rolled her eyes. She loved Wells, but Christmas at his house was absolutely painful.

She got off the phone with her mother as she went to check out, hoping the cashier didn’t judge her too much for how much junk food was in her cart. Once she paid, Clarke tugged her coat back on, moving toward the door.

“Clarke?” Bellamy said as he walked in, raising an eyebrow at her. Clarke swallowed. It had been a little more than a week since she last saw him at the fundraiser.

“Hi,” Clarke said awkwardly, wondering how it was that she kept running into this guy. Maybe she had always crossed paths with him, and now that she knew him it was only now becoming more visible. “I’m just, you know, getting groceries,” Clarke said, before immediately wanting to kick herself. Of course, that’s what she was doing at the grocery store. Bellamy eyed her full cart and nodded along.

“Did you buy any real food?” he teased, and Clarke pressed her lips together.

“I don’t really cook,” she explained with a shrug, and he started chuckling, putting his hands in his pockets. She looked him up and down, reminding herself that he was just as attractive as always. And the smirk on his face wasn’t helping things. “So, uh, how is Octavia?” Clarke asked, suddenly painfully aware of the fact that she was making small talk with someone she never planned on seeing again.

“She’s good. We’re actually all putting together the baby’s nursery this weekend,” Bellamy said, swallowing. God, he looked just as awkward as Clarke felt. “And Wells? What is he up to these days?”

“He’s been over posting a lot on Instagram, but recently found a new show to binge. So, ups and downs,” Clarke joked, and Bellamy pressed his lips together, suppressing a smirk. “And Jasper?” Clarke felt like she had to ask, not really wanting this conversation to die off just yet.

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Still like an annoying little brother,” he said with a shrug, and Clarke nodded. “Oh, here. I’ll walk you to your car,” Bellamy offered, and Clarke was suddenly reminded that she was standing in the middle of a grocery store.

“You don’t have to,” Clarke said, swallowing.

“Well, uh, I think I left my wallet in my car anyways. So, it’s not a big deal,” Bellamy said, gesturing his head toward the door. Clarke let out a sigh, before pushing her cart through the double doors. “So, um, how have you been?” Bellamy said awkwardly as they made their way to her car.

“I’ve been fine,” Clarke said, forcing a smile on her face as she nodded. It wasn’t that things were necessarily bad, but Clarke wasn’t exactly at her best. Dealing with Finn the week before had brought up a lot of horrible memories and feelings that she thought was completely behind her. “How about you?” she asked, glancing up at him. He immediately pressed his lips together, and for once, Clarke started to wonder what his life was even like. She weirdly felt like she knew him, yet couldn’t tell you anything about what he does for a living or how he spends his free time.

“Just fine,” he said, swallowing, and Clarke suddenly suspected that wasn’t even true. Then again, it wasn’t like she was answering honestly. But, when people ask how you are, they never really want to know. It’s just a placeholder in conversation. “Honestly, just surprised at how many times we seem to be running into each other,” he added with a smirk, and Clarke chuckled as she popped open her trunk. He immediately started helping her unload the cart, and Clarke shook her head slightly before putting some bags in the trunk as well. She expected him to try and avoid her after they hooked up at that fundraiser, and yet, here he was, helping her for absolutely no reason.

“Thanks,” Clarke mumbled, before going to put the cart away. When she walked back to her car, Bellamy was leaning against it, waiting for her. She sucked in a breath, not entirely sure what to expect.

“Uh, it was great to see you again, Clarke,” Bellamy said, standing upright. Clarke swallowed and nodded.

“Great to see you too,” she said, putting her hands in her coat pockets. It was starting to get dark outside and she should probably get going, but for some reason, she couldn’t figure out how to walk away from this conversation. Bellamy glanced around the parking lot, not moving his feet from where he stood. It seemed like he was having the same problem. “Well, uh, I should let you go,” Clarke said, swallowing, and Bellamy stepped toward her like he was going to hug her. Clarke blinked a few times, wondering how they were on hugging terms now, but decided not to make a big deal of it. She leaned into the hug, and was suddenly reminded of how good he smelled.

Fuck, she should not be thinking like that. He was also really warm, and it was so cold outside… she might have stayed in the hug for a little too long.

She wasn’t sure who started the kiss, but she was suddenly on the top of her toes, crashing her lips against his, as he walked her back against the car.

Before she knew it, she was pulling him into the backseat of her car, ripping off his coat. His hands made fast work of her jeans, as she kicked off her boots. She heard some people walking past her car, and Bellamy’s head flipped up in concern.

“Tinted windows,” she reassured, and he started kissing up her neck. She climbed on top of him, tugging off her pants, as Bellamy started to undo his. She pulled off her panties awkwardly, before climbing back onto his lap, gripping his face for a fast kiss. He moaned into her mouth, as his hands gripped her ass. God, his hands felt so good on her skin.

She quickly let her hand travel down his chest toward his boxers so that she could free his cock from the fabric. She suddenly remembered that Bellamy probably didn’t have a condom on him… since he was going to the fucking grocery store. She pulled back and leaned over the console of her car, grabbing a condom from the glove box.

“Of course, you have those in your car,” Bellamy teased, as she handed it to him.

“Always put them in my car before grocery shopping. Buying off brand Fritos makes me horny,” Clarke joked, raising her eyebrow at him. He let out a snort, clenching his eyes shut as he burst out laughing.

“Clearly,” he finally muttered, as he got the condom on.

“Don’t see you complaining,” she teased, and Bellamy was back on her, flipping her onto her back.

“Shut up,” he ordered, before crashing his lips against hers. He slowly worked his way inside of her, and Clarke started moaning into his mouth. His fingers found their way into her hair, pulling it slightly… and Clarke had to admit she was into it.

“Fuck,” she groaned, as he started to pick up the pace. He was slamming his hips into her, biting down hard on her bottom lip.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” Bellamy teased, and Clarke started tugging on his hair in response, earning a vicious sounding growl from his lips.

“Harder,” she ordered, and his eyes turned predatory, as he pounded into her harder and harder. He started pulling her hair even more, and Clarke clenched her eyes shut, anticipating the orgasm that was about take over her.

She gripped onto him tightly, coming undone around his cock, loudly and violently. He slammed his hand over her mouth, trying to keep her quiet, and suddenly Clarke remembered they were in a parking lot, which somehow made it much hotter.

“That’s a good princess,” he muttered breathlessly, and Clarke didn’t even wince at the nickname this time. After a few more thrusts, he finished inside of her, biting down hard on her neck as he did.

They quickly got redressed, and Bellamy accidentally hit his head on the roof of her car. And as they both awkwardly stumbled out, Clarke fixed her hair by looking at the window.

“So, uh, good to see you again,” Bellamy muttered, and Clarke swallowed.

“Yeah. Um. Thanks for helping me. You know, with the groceries,” Clarke said awkwardly, and Bellamy nodded, before taking off toward his car. Once Clarke slipped back into her car, she started banging her head on the steering wheel. What the fuck just happened?

 

Clarke wished she could say that was the last time she hooked up with Bellamy. But, just a week later, she ran into him again while picking up a present for her practice’s gift exchange party. He was doing some shopping of his own, apparently. Clarke knew she should just say she had somewhere to be and get out of there while she still could. But, she didn’t. And instead found herself being fucked against the wall of a dressing room in Macy’s as Bellamy kept his hand over her mouth, making sure she didn’t make any noise.

She spent the next few days thinking about him more and more, starting to feel almost guilty that she was using him like this. But, it wasn’t like he wanted anything real with her either. So, he was using her too, she just didn’t know why… which was probably for the best.

 

Clarke stumbled home from her office Christmas party a little bit buzzed. She ended up with a few Lifetime Christmas movies from the gift exchange, and she had a feeling that they were much better after a few drinks.

As she got settled in, her phone started to ring. It was Finn. She started to pour more wine into her glass, swallowing as she waited for the phone to stop ringing. Then, she blocked his number. She laid down on the couch, trying to focus on the movie, but her heart was still pounding, wondering why he was calling her out of the blue like this.

An hour passed, and Clarke was slowly forgetting about the call. Then, someone started pounding on her door. Clarke quickly ran over to see who it was, really hoping it wasn’t her neighbor asking to borrow yet another appliance from her kitchen. Her heart stopped as soon as she looked through the peephole, seeing an irritated Finn, pacing.

She didn’t have to answer the door, she reminded herself. Why the fuck was he here? He should be back at home with Raven, or maybe they broke up after Clarke shared those voicemails. Clarke swallowed, suddenly worried that was why he was here, because he was angry with her for ruining his marriage. She backed away from the door, as he started knocking again, and ran into her room, pulling out her phone to call Wells.

“Finn is here,” Clarke whispered, almost scared that Finn could hear her.

“What?” Wells shouted, before whispering something to whoever he was with.

“He keeps knocking on my door and won’t go away,” Clarke said, starting to hyperventilate.

“I’m on my way,” Wells said.

“No, you don’t have to. I’m sure he will leave soon,” Clarke quickly said, not wanting things to escalate any more than they already have.

“Don’t worry. I’m bringing Roan with me. Finn will immediately run off. Just stay in your room and breathe for me,” he said as reassuringly as he could, and Clarke nodded, hanging up the phone.

 

It took thirty minutes for the knocking to stop. Then, Wells and Roan both came into her room.

“I’m fine,” Clarke reassured as they both studied her with concerned faces.

“Clarke, it’s time you start taking this seriously,” Roan said with a grave look in his eyes.

“He’ll move on from this. I just have to wait it out,” Clarke said, forcing a smile, and Wells and Roan exchanged a look.

“No, you don’t. He is harassing you, Clarke,” Wells said sternly, and Clarke swallowed. Deep down, she knew this wouldn’t go away. She wouldn’t be that lucky. “I called my dad on the way over. Don’t worry, I didn’t use your name so your parents won’t find out. But, he suggests a restraining order.” Clarke’s eyes widened, thinking this was a little too extreme of a step. It would just make Finn angrier.

“Wells and I both agree with him,” Roan said, sitting down on Clarke’s bed. Her eyes flickered back and forth between them, realizing that they were both completely serious.

“It’s not that bad,” Clarke said with a shrug, looking down at her hands.

“No, but it could be. That’s why we think you should do it,” Roan said with a serious expression on her face.

“We love you, Clarke. We just want you to be safe,” Wells added in, crossing his arms.

 

“Talk to me,” Wells said, as Clarke lined up her next shot.

“I’ve been talking to you all day,” she said, before sinking another solid in the corner.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Wells reassured, referencing the restraining order she agreed to file. She rolled her eyes as she surveyed the table, trying to find her next shot.

“I know. I usually do,” she teased, and Wells let out a groan.

“Bullshit. You forget that I know you, Clarke,” he snapped, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“Name one thing I’ve done wrong lately,” she said, standing up and crossing her arms.

“Banged Bellamy a few more times without even learning his last name,” Wells said with a smirk, and Clarke let out a groan. She knew she would regret telling Wells about her recent run ins with Bellamy. “It’s Blake, by the way. I found him on Facebook when I got bored,” he added in with a smug look on his face, and Clarke started glaring at him.

“You’re obsessed with him, and I need it to stop,” she snapped, and Wells just started smiling bigger.

“I bet Jasper would give you his number. If you wanted to text him or something,” he teased, and Clarke ignored him, lining up her shot. “Might as well start getting to know him,” he continued, as Clarke missed.

“I don’t want to know him,” Clarke said, not entirely convinced that was true. As much as she hated to admit it, he seemed like a nice guy. A bit of an asshole, sure… but Clarke kind of liked that about him.

“Why not?” Wells snapped, and Clarke wanted to just leave Grounders because Wells fucking knew why not. But, he wanted her to say it.

“Everyone leaves eventually, Wells. Why would I want to get close to someone who won’t stay that long? It’s not worth it,” she explained, as Wells took his shot, sinking the yellow striped ball.

“I want my old best friend back,” he mumbled, as he lined up his next shot. He missed. Then, he shot Clarke an exhausted look. “Not everyone is like Finn,” he reminded with a shrug.

She knew that. Logically, she completely understood that Finn was an exception, not the rule. But, it still made her uncomfortable to think about dating someone else. She could easily make the same exact mistakes and wind up with someone who could hurt her just as badly, or maybe even worse than Finn did.

They took a couple more shots, and Clarke was clearly winning.

“Well, look who actually likes you,” she heard Wells say, and her head snapped up, seeing Bellamy walk over to them. She swallowed, her mind suddenly confused as to what he was doing here. It wasn’t like Jasper or Monty were in town to drag him here like last time. She decided to focus on taking her shot, listening to Wells and Bellamy exchange their hellos.

They all talked for a little bit, as Bellamy explained that he was bored and that’s how he found himself coming to Grounders, and Clarke focused on kicking Wells’ ass in pool.

After a while, Roan showed up. Wells kept talking Bellamy’s ear off, telling him the story of how Clarke smuggled him into his first frat party, which Bellamy clearly found funny.

“How are you feeling?” Roan asked quietly, repeatedly glancing back at Wells and Bellamy to make sure they weren’t listening.

“Fine,” Clarke said, swallowing.

“I’ll go with you to the courthouse tomorrow, if you want,” Roan said, and Clarke blinked a few times, not thinking that was necessary. She could handle this on her own.

“I’ll be fine on my own,” she reassured, before getting up and heading over to the bar. She wanted to get one more drink while Wells’ tab was still open. She sat there for a few minutes, knowing it would take a while until the bartender got to her. It was a crowded night, since a lot of people were in town for Christmas.

“So, how much does Wells know?” Bellamy suddenly asked, as he plopped down next to her.

“He knows about the grocery store and Macy’s,” Clarke said, burying her face in her hands. “What did he say?” she groaned, and Bellamy let out a chuckle.

“Oh, nothing. He just keeps giving me these looks that makes me think he knows stuff,” Bellamy said, smirking.

“Yeah, I might have drunkenly told him about it. But, he already knew I had been sleeping with someone. So, I’m pretty sure he got me drunk so I would confess,” Clarke said with a laugh, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“It’s alright. Octavia is the same way. You’re lucky to have someone like that in your life,” Bellamy said, leaning back slightly.

“Ugh, I know. And Wells seems quite smitten with you,” Clarke teased, batting her eyes at Bellamy, who almost started choking on his beer.

“Probably because I’m so handsome and charming,” Bellamy said with a smirk, and she rolled her eyes.

“Eh, you’re alright.”

Bellamy’s eyes widened as he feigned surprise. “Princess, that is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said excitedly, and Clarke hit him on the shoulder.

“Don’t get used to it,” she teased, as the bartender finally showed up to take her order.

 

“Fuck this,” Clarke mumbled as she scrolled through the guide on the screen. It seemed like Hallmark was saving its cheesiest shit for today, and Clarke wanted to throw up. There had been nothing good on tv for hours, which Clarke figured was because the networks assumed everyone would be too busy with their families today to actually care what is one tv.

Instead of watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation for the third time today, Clarke turned everything off and stumbled into her room. Sure, this hadn’t been her best Christmas, but it also wasn’t her worst, like the year after her dad died. Or that time she and Marcus had to sit in the hospital waiting room half a day after her mom sliced her hand open while making breakfast.

She crawled into bed, letting the wine lull her to sleep.

At least two hours passed before Clarke’s phone started ringing. She had been expecting a call from her mom all day, so that was probably it. As she stared at her phone, she realized that she recognized the area code and started to realize it wasn’t her mom. Who would be calling her on Christmas?

“Hello?” she said, swallowing. She really hoped this wasn’t Finn calling her from a new number. He had already been texting her from a different number that night with a bunch of strange messages that she didn’t understand

“Hi, Clarke,” a familiar voice said, and Clarke clicked her light on, sitting up.

“Bellamy?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. How the fuck did he get her number? Oh, God. What if something was going wrong with Octavia?

“Sorry, Wells gave me your number,” he said, and Clarke let out a breath. His tone sounded sort of calm, so there clearly wasn’t an emergency.

“Of fucking course, he did,” she muttered, and she could hear Bellamy laughing on the other end.

“Oh, and Merry Christmas,” he said, and Clarke’s chest started to tighten. She let out an involuntary groan, imagining that Bellamy along with everyone else was having a nice Christmas with their families. “Sorry, I’m not interrupting your holiday plans, am I?” he asked, and Clarke rolled her eyes at how ironic that question was.

“No, you just woke me up. It’s fine. Is everything okay?” she blurted out, before realizing that was an invitation for him to have a real conversation with her. Fuck, what was she doing? Her mind started to race, wondering how she had let things go so far with Bellamy that he felt comfortable enough to call her. It was just sex, she reminded herself.

“Yeah, uh, I just left Octavia’s and I’m in a weird mood. I don’t know. Oh, and Raven and Finn found out about us hooking up after the wedding,” he said, and suddenly the weird messages she got made sense.

“Well, that explains the weird string of texts I got from Finn,” she muttered as she stood up. He was silent on the other side for a while, so Clarke started pacing, wondering why the fuck he was calling her. It couldn’t just be because of the Finn and Raven thing.

“I’m sorry. I should let you get back to sleep,” he said, and suddenly Clarke panicked, not wanting him to hang up on her.

“No, it’s fine. What’s wrong?” she asked quickly, before remembering that this was a bad idea. If she didn’t engage, then they wouldn’t get closer, she reminded herself. She needed to keep this guy at a distance for her own sake.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You wouldn’t just call me out of nowhere on Christmas if nothing was wrong, Bellamy.”

He didn’t say anything, and Clarke started to panic again. She shouldn’t have prodded. Or maybe that’s why he called her. Maybe he needed someone to talk to. And maybe he wanted that person to be her.

Fuck, no. She shook her head, biting her lip. Bellamy Blake doesn’t actually care about her, just like she doesn’t actually care about him. He’s just this person she keeps running into, and that is it.

But, if that was true, Clarke wouldn’t have found herself blurting out, “Do you want to come over?” when he took too long to respond.

The silence following that question was deafening, and Clarke immediately walked into the kitchen to grab more wine. He would probably say no, she told herself as she took a sip straight from the open bottle on the counter. Yeah, he would say no because he would know how stupid of an idea this was.

Then, she heard the most terrifying sound in the world.

“Yes.”

 

She could fucking murder Wells for giving Bellamy her number. But, if he really wanted it, he could have gotten it from Jasper or Monty… or even Raven.

She kind of wished that she had put real clothes on before he got there, since she was just in a t-shirt and leggings, and he was, you know, wearing actual clothes. They looked weird together like that, sitting on her couch drinking wine.

“You know, Raven is trying to make things work with him,” Bellamy said as he looked up, with a grim expression on his face. “Which is fucking stupid.”

“I had a feeling,” Clarke said into her glass. “People in love are dumb, though.”

“No fucking kidding.” Then, Clarke started to wonder if this was why Bellamy wanted to talk to Clarke. It made sense if things between Raven and Finn were bothering him to come talk to her. Although, she knew next to nothing about their relationship except that it was fucked up.

“Is that what’s bothering you?” she asked, as he glanced around her apartment. She suddenly felt so exposed, realizing that she had let this guy into her apartment. Having sex was one thing… but this felt too intimate.

“I think so. I don’t know. It’s just infuriating to have Raven ignore my advice, when I know that I’m right. Meanwhile, Finn is interrogating me about you, like he has some kind of claim on you too,” he muttered, and Clarke couldn’t help but notice the bitterness in his tone at that last part. It was almost like he was jealous, and Clarke suddenly felt her face feel hot… probably from the wine. “Why did you even go for a guy like him? Like, I’m not judging. I just want to know. Raven doesn’t give me a straight answer because she’s clearly brainwashed, but you at least got out.”

Clarke never thought about it like that, she realized, as she put down her drink. Sure, Finn fucked her up badly… but she wasn’t stuck with him anymore. There really wasn’t that much damage he could still do to her. Clarke almost felt… lucky. Yeah, lucky that she wasn’t the girl he chose.

“Um, I’m not really sure,” Clarke started to answer, staring up at her ceiling, and wondering when the last time the ceiling got a fresh coat of paint. “He seemed like a nice guy. Like, he was everything I thought I should want in a boyfriend,” she admitted, thinking back to her nearly scientific approach to dating back then. She had gotten to the point where she was so clueless about what her type was, that she just started making a list of traits she wanted in a boyfriend. And Finn… well, he fucking fit the bill. “And he always said the right things, and it was kind of easy to get sucked in, you know?” Bellamy looked displeased by her answer, but it was all Clarke had. “I think she’ll figure it out on her own eventually. We all cope with this dumb shit in our own ways, I guess.”

Somehow, Clarke had managed to forget how nervous she was about Bellamy being there for a few seconds, and the panic started to creep back in. Could she just ask him to leave? Or was he expecting something to happen?

“Thank you, by the way, for picking up the phone earlier,” he interrupted her panicked thoughts.

“Still not entirely sure why you called me, though.”

“I don’t know. It’s weird. I didn’t know who to call, and I just knew that I needed to talk to somebody. I don’t know how that ended up being you,” he said, and Clarke could feel her chest tighten again. This was getting too serious. She needed to find a way to diffuse whatever was happening here.

“Way to make a girl feel special,” she joked, and Bellamy just looked more frustrated. Fuck. She needed to get out of this conversation quickly.

“Not what I mean,” he muttered, and Clarke forced a laugh, trying to make everything lighter.

“I know. I just like messing with you.” He finally gave in and laughed, and Clarke let out a breath.

“I feel weirdly comfortable around you,” he said, and Clarke realized she relaxed too early. “I don’t know how that happened, especially given the first twenty-four hours that I knew you.” Clarke let out an accidental snort at the memory, remembering how she chewed him out at Grounders. Bellamy was laughing at her, and her face was flushing with embarrassment.

“No, I get it,” she reassured, and then all the sudden Bellamy’s playful expression shifted.

“Clarke, what is going on here?” he blurted out, gesturing to the two of them. Clarke swallowed, knowing that she probably looked panicked as hell at the moment… because she was. She didn’t like answering this question. Hookups are fine until someone asks this question, and then all of the sudden there is a label… and with labels, there are promises made, expectations that things will play themselves out in a certain way. And Clarke couldn’t go back down that path again. “I mean, we said it was a one-time deal… and then, that changed,” he continued, and Clarke stood up suddenly, feeling the sudden urge to get as far away from him as possible.

“Bellamy, I don’t do this kind of thing,” she snapped, before running over to the kitchen. Fuck, this was all a mistake. She needed him to leave. She needed to be alone. This has gone too far, and she can’t blame anyone but herself.

“No, I don’t either,” he said defensively, and she could hear him following her. Clarke was pacing, not sure how to get out of this. “I don’t do relationships. I already had my heart broken enough. I learned my lesson, trust me.” Clarke’s head snapped up as she looked at him. He seemed sincere… but that was what concerned her.

“So, what are you trying to do here, Bellamy?”

“I don’t know. I never sleep with the same girl twice,” he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Clarke had to keep from snorting at that. That was such a sleazy thing to say, although Clarke wasn’t much better these days. “And yet, here I am in your apartment, and we’ve slept together four times now. And I was just hoping you had some kind of explanation that would help all of this make sense to me.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Bellamy,” she snapped, before fixing her eyes on the ground. She never asked for any of this. All she wanted was a fun night after the shittiest wedding she had ever been to. She didn’t want to keep bumping into this guy… over and over. “We hooked up because I wanted to get my mind off the fact that Finn married someone that wasn’t me,” she confessed. “And it just kept happening. I don’t have any answers for you.”

“I shouldn’t have come over,” he snapped, and Clarke watched him grab his coat. Something strange was settling in Clarke’s stomach, as she watched yet another person leave.

“No, you probably shouldn’t have,” Clarke whispered, watching him walk toward the door. She sunk to the floor, pressing her back against one of the cabinets. This was for the best, she kept trying to tell herself. This couldn’t end well if it kept going on.

“You don’t believe in relationships, right?” Bellamy suddenly asked, startling Clarke. He had walked back into the kitchen, instead of out the door. Her thoughts were overflowing as she tried to make sense of this. He should have left. She had been distant and pushed him away.

But, he stayed. And hardly anyone stayed after all this.

“No, they don’t make sense,” she started rambling as she stood, studying his face as she spoke. “And from what I’ve experienced, they bring out the worst in everyone.” Which, Clarke believed. Deep down, she really didn’t like the cold person she had become since Finn. She would have been better off if she had never met him.

“Yeah, I agree,” he said suddenly, and Clarke raised an eyebrow, wondering where the fuck he could be going with this. “If we both know it’ll never work, then what’s the harm?”

He couldn’t be suggesting what she thinks he’s suggesting. She didn’t know much about Bellamy, but she could guess that he was probably just as messed up as she was. He wouldn’t want any kind of relationship with her, not if he knew what was good for him. “What are you talking about?”

“I like you, Clarke,” he blurted out, and Clarke sucked in a breath. “I enjoy spending time with you. I don’t know about you, but that’s kind of rare for me. And we’re both really cynical about this shit, so I can’t see us getting really hurt.” Clarke swallowed, looking him up and down. He was resting against the counter, crossing his arms as he had an unreadable expression on his face.

“Bellamy, you know I don’t do anything serious,” she reminded him, and he looked frustrated.

“I’m not suggesting anything serious. Just that we keep doing whatever this is, no strings attached,” he explained, and Clarke already knew there would be some strings attached. There were always strings attached, regardless of what kind of agreement they started out with.

She thought over what he said, a thousand voices screaming in her head to run. To get the fuck out of this as quickly as possible. But, there was a tiny voice somewhere in there that told her to stay put. That she liked him. That maybe, for once, this could work out okay.

There was no way in hell this could end well. She knew that. They were both too broken to ever be able to let another person in. But, she was pretty sure she had already seen the worst of him, and it was nothing she couldn’t handle. And, for some reason, he kept coming back to her, despite how distant and cold she had been, so he was clearly fine with how she was.

“No one gets hurt?” she asked, surprised at herself for even considering this.

“No one gets hurt,” he said seriously, his dark eyes piercing into hers.

She swallowed, reminding herself that if this all fell apart, this was the moment she could blame herself for.

“Okay.”

Bellamy rushed over to her, gripping her face as his lips crashed into hers. She threw her arms around his neck, letting go of all the panicked thoughts for the evening. This could end okay. She could be fine.

She melted into him, letting his entire body press against hers, as his tongue eagerly found hers. And as much as she hated to admit it, it felt nice having him there.


	4. You Knew It Was a Snake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo. This one was a lot, holy shit. Angst angst, dudes. 
> 
> No smut this chapter, but I'll throw some in the next.
> 
> Also, I'm planning out which parts of Clarke's story to flesh out, and what to kind of skim over going forward. If there is some part of the original story that you really want from her POV or something that's referenced in the original that you want fleshed out, please let me know so I'll include it. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks guys. Love ya'll. Let me know what you think of my 7k monster.

The weirdest thing Clarke learned about Bellamy Blake was how much he liked cuddling. It wasn’t weird in the sense that Clarke didn’t understand it. Deep down, everyone liked some kind of cuddling. But, this was weird because it was Bellamy… the guy who was all, “I never sleep with the same girl twice.” And as soon as she realized he liked cuddling, she had so many questions.

It wasn’t like Clarke was touch starved. When she would hook up with Roan, they would usually snuggle up afterwards. Plus, Wells was her best friend, and he was very physically affectionate. So, if Bellamy didn’t want to be cuddled up with her, she probably wouldn’t have cared.

But, God, he did. And after two weeks of hanging out, she finally realized that he was kind of touch starved. When he admitted that he normally didn’t let girls sleep over, it clicked. She wasn’t sure what kind, if any, of dating history he had, but it seemed like he just had a bunch of casual one-night stands. That made his relationship with Clarke very different. And since he frequently stayed over, he was finally allowed one person he could be affectionate with.

It was honestly really overwhelming and confusing. On one hand, he made every effort he could to verbally distance himself from Clarke, reminding her that this was just casual. He really wasn’t flirty with his words, and was constantly starting arguments over stupid things with her. On the other hand, he was almost always touching Clarke when they were together, and Clarke found it oddly comforting.

“No, use my phone,” Clarke snapped, before putting a few more dishes in the dishwasher.

“Already plugged mine in,” he shouted from across the room.

“Change it. I don’t trust your taste in music after finding out how many times in a row you listened to the score from Batman Begins on Spotify,” she said, raising an eyebrow. Bellamy’s head shot up, and the expression on his face could only be described as grumpy.

“It’s a good score,” he snapped.

“Thirty-seven times in a row, Bellamy,” she groaned. “I’m not judging you… but, I’m kind of judging you.”

Bellamy started storming toward the kitchen, and Clarke let out a sigh. “Why are you coming after me?” he asked, bracing his hands on the back of a kitchen chair.

“I’m just curious as to why?” she asked, struggling to keep herself from laughing. She had asked him about this last week, but he just blew her off.

“I don’t know. It’s just when I listen to it, I feel, I don’t know,” he said with a shrug.

“Like you’re standing on top of a rooftop about to fuck shit up?” Clarke teased, and he pressed his lips together.

“It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that,” he snapped.

“I’m right, though?” she asked with a huge grin, and he burst out laughing. He walked around the counter to hug Clarke from behind, kissing just below her ear. Then, Clarke heard a key in her door.

“You will never believe who I fucking saw today,” she heard Wells groan as he marched into her apartment, and Bellamy immediately jumped off Clarke. She glanced over at the clock on her stove, seeing that it was the afternoon. She didn’t realize that she and Bellamy had stayed in bed that long.

The look on Wells’ face as he turned into the kitchen was enough to make Clarke regret ever giving him a key to her apartment.

“Hi, Wells,” Bellamy said, ducking his head slightly. Wells’ eyes widened as he looked them up and down. Clarke was definitely wearing Bellamy’s t-shirt, and he was definitely not wearing a shirt. God, this looked so bad. And Wells was the absolute last person Clarke needed to know about this.

“Oh my God,” Wells said excitedly.

“So, who did you see today?” Clarke asked, changing the subject.

“Ontari. So, how long as this been going on?” Wells asked, leaning against the doorframe. Clarke wasn’t going to be able to live this one down, especially not after she aggressively kept telling him that nothing was going on between her and Bellamy. To be fair, nothing was going on with her and Bellamy last time she hung out with Wells. She hadn’t seen him much over the holidays, which was pretty normal for them. Wells was always busy at events for his father during this time of year.

“Ontari, huh? How is she these days?” Clarke tried to distract him again, but he wasn’t buying it. Whatever was important enough for him to barge into her apartment unannounced was not as interesting as the realization that Clarke was sleeping with Bellamy.

“So, are you guys like dating now?” Wells asked with a teasing grin.

“No!” Clarke and Bellamy shouted in unison, before giving each other a side glance. They might have overreacted to that one.

“We’re just hanging out,” Clarke clarified, and she could hear Bellamy let out a sigh of relief.

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Wells asked with a raised eyebrow, and God, he was such a brother at times. Any normal person would have just left by now. But, of course, Wells was just settling into the awkwardness.

“I hate you,” Clarke mouthed, and Bellamy started chuckling.

 

When Clarke’s birthday rolled around, her phone blew up all day with messages from Wells and her mom, along with some from Jasper and Monty. She had to get up early to head to the hospital, since one of her patients was in labor.

Clarke went for a walk around the hospital when she had a little break. She needed to stretch her legs for a bit.

And that’s when she saw it. Bellamy Blake’s name outside one of the rooms. She let out a huff, quietly stepping in to see what stupid thing he had done to wind up in the ER.

He had a friend with him. She was pretty sure he said Miller was his name. But, she liked him. He helped her make fun of Bellamy for falling into a hole. Clarke kept shaking her head at him, struggling not to laugh. What kind of person just falls into a hole and sprains their ankle?

She decided to check on him after she got off work, feeling almost kind of guilty for making fun of him for his injury. He wasn’t answering his phone, so she headed over to his apartment anyways.

After knocking a few times, Clarke realized the door was unlocked. She walked as quietly as she could to his bedroom, knocking the door lightly.

“Yeah?” she heard him shout, before she walked on in. He had a confused expression on his face upon seeing her, and Clarke started to worry that she had overstepped. Maybe it was weird for him that she was checking up on him. But, she would do the same thing for Roan, even though they were only sleeping together. “What are you doing here?” he mumbled sleepily, and Clarke had to admit he looked kind of cute when he was all out of it and sleepy.

“Sorry for waking you. I just wanted to check on you,” she said as she settled in on the other side of the bed. He studied her carefully for a moment, before gesturing for her to come closer. She slid over, resting her head on his shoulder, letting her hand travel to his side. “So, how are you feeling?” she whispered, and she could feel him rest his head on top of hers. His breathing was pretty steady, calming almost. Like it could lull Clarke right to sleep… and she could use the sleep after the long day she had. There was something about a birthday that was positively exhausting. Everyone wanted to have a conversation with her, especially people who never bothered.

“Like I fell into a hole,” he mumbled, and Clarke burst out laughing at that. She could feel his chest start to echo with small laughter as well. At least he had a sense of humor about this. God, if Finn had gotten injured like this, all he would do is bitch about it. “But, these painkillers are really nice,” he said, his words almost slurring. She glanced up at the nightstand to see the pill bottle. She had momentarily forgotten that he had torn two ligaments, which probably hurt like a bitch. She picked up the bottle, seeing a slightly higher dose than she would have expected. Then again, she didn’t work with broken bones and sprained ankles.

“So, you’re high as a kite right now,” she teased, and he mumbled his agreement with closed eyes.

They laid like this for a while, as Clarke traced her hands up and down his chest, listening to him slowly drift off to sleep. This was easily the best part of her birthday, if she was being completely honest. And, as much as it confused her that Bellamy was so into physical contact, she was kind of grateful. There was something so tender and affectionate about how he held her… and even if this didn’t last long, it was nice to have this for a little while.

“What time is it?” he murmured.

“7:45,” she answered, feeling kind of weird that she could already just fall asleep. But, she had been up since four in the morning.

“You need to head back to your apartment,” he said, and all of the sudden Clarke started to worry she overstepped by coming over here. They made an agreement that this wasn’t serious, and maybe her checking in on him when he was injured was just a little too serious for him. Fuck. She shot a quick glance up to him, realizing that he wasn’t making the face he usually made when things were feeling too real for him. Maybe he was just as worried that he was overstepping by having her here.

“No, it’s okay. I can hang out here for a while,” she said, and he let out a breath. “I know Jasper’s not home, and someone’s gotta make sure you don’t do something stupid,” she teased.

“No, you’re gonna miss your party,” he whispered, and Clarke sat up, confused by what he could possibly be talking about. Maybe it was the painkillers talking.

“I’m not having a party. What are you talking about?” she asked as soothingly as she could, not wanting to freak him out.

“Fuck,” he whispered as he tried to sit himself up. “Pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.” Then, Clarke realized what was going on. So much for her friends listening when she said she didn’t want to do anything for her birthday.

“Shit, they’re throwing me a surprise party, aren’t they?” She jumped out of bed, tugging her shoes back on. God, she really didn’t want to have a party. She was so fucking tired and she just wanted to fall asleep next to Bellamy and forget that she was another year older.

“Don’t tell them I told you. Act surprised, princess,” he said with a faint smirk, eyes closed again. Clarke shook her head and smiled. “Oh, and happy birthday.” She couldn’t resist stealing a quick kiss before leaving. He was just too cute like this.

 

“I was starting to worry you weren’t going to show up to your own birthday party,” Wells slurred into his cup.

“Sorry. Bellamy got injured today and I wanted to check on him. I didn’t know anyone was going to be in my apartment,” Clarke said with a shrug, looking around the room. Perhaps if she had gotten there sooner, everyone would have been more sober when she arrived. Lexa and Costia stopped by for a few minutes, which was nice of them. Jasper brought his girlfriend, Maya, who Clarke was kind of obsessed with. She was so cute and sweet… and exactly what Clarke pictured Jasper ending up with.

“Aww. You care about him,” Wells teased.

“Shut up,” Clarke replied, rolling her eyes. Then, Roan walked up, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “I hear you were the mastermind behind this party,” Clarke said, forcing a small smile. As much as she didn’t want a party, she couldn’t help but be a little touched that Roan put all of this together for her.

She had always worried that the occasional hookups up would mess up their friendship, but it really didn’t. They hadn’t even hooked up since that night at Grounders. He would talk to her about some of the people he was interested in, and Clarke would rant to him about Bellamy. And, it was perfectly normal, like nothing ever happened between them.

“I just thought you could use a fun night, you know, after the past few months,” he said, and Clarke swallowed. She had relied heavily on Roan lately, not just as a distraction from her problems, but also as a sounding board when she was worried she was being too much for Wells.

She knew Wells would always be her fiercest supporter… but, he really liked telling Clarke what she needed to hear, especially when she didn’t want to hear it. Roan wasn’t like that, not really. He preferred to listen and ask questions, waiting patiently as Clarke figured her shit out. And considering how impatient Wells had been lately with Clarke getting herself back together, it was easier to dump her problems onto Roan.

“Thank you,” Clarke said seriously, and Roan swallowed, nodding. She glanced around, noticing Harper sitting a little closer to Monty than she remembered, and Clarke smirked to herself. It seems like a lot had changed with her friends since the last time they all got together like this. “We should bring back Sunday Funday,” Clarke said with a huge smile, and Wells let out a small shriek.

“Thank God!” he shouted, before running over to tell Jasper, who immediately started shrieking as well.

“Sunday Funday!” Jasper shouted, and the entire room started cheering with excitement. Clarke’s smile grew even bigger, ignoring the way Roan rolled his eyes.

“See what you did,” Roan mumbled, and Clarke couldn’t stop smiling.

“Sunday Funday, better than a Monday!” Jasper started chanting, as everyone joined in.

“No,” Roan groaned loudly, and Clarke elbowed him in the side. A small smile started to sneak out of his face, and she just rolled her eyes.

“Can only do it one way and that is the drunk way!” Monty and Wells finished the chant, before everyone else started to join in.

“You love us,” Clarke teased, as everyone kept repeating their little Sunday Funday mantra over and over.

“I really do,” Roan said seriously, and Clarke felt her chest tighten at how he looked at her. Maybe it was just the alcohol making him seem that intense. Clarke mumbled some kind of excuse before stepping into her kitchen, grabbing some water from the fridge.

She picked up one of the cupcakes Luna made, watching Jasper and Monty fumble through the Just Dance game, shaking her head slightly. All of this weirdly felt like déjà vu. These were basically all the same people who were around at her last birthday, minus Finn. It felt like nothing had changed in a year, even though Clarke was a completely different person now.

She sobered up, as everyone else continued to plunge into drunkenness. Of course, they all knew about this party in advance, so they all could have taken tomorrow off work. Clarke did not get that luxury.

Eventually, she tucked Harper and Luna into the guest bedroom. Monty was already asleep on her couch. She herded Wells and Roan into her room, insisting that they get some sleep before trying to drive home. Both wanted a kiss on the cheek before she left, which she rolled her eyes at. She and Maya put the rest of the food away, while Jasper threw away all the empty cups and bottles.

 

Jasper let her into the apartment, as he and Maya stumbled into his bedroom. She let out a sigh, before walking into Bellamy’s.

“Go away, Jasper,” he groaned, and Clarke couldn’t help but giggle. He was too tired to even open his eyes.

“I see you’re pleasant as always” she teased, and Bellamy quickly looked at her with a confused expression on his face.

“What are you doing here?” he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. Clarke went over to his closet to find a shirt to sleep in. For some reason, they seemed to feel better than her own shirts. Plus, Bellamy gave her these looks when she had his clothes on… and she knew he liked seeing her in his shirts.

“The party ended, so I came over here,” she said, as she got undressed. She also knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep in her own apartment, not with all those drunk people to take care of. Plus, as much fun as the night was, she was too tired to properly enjoy it. She really just wanted to snuggle up with Bellamy and fall asleep.

“Yeah, but I just figured I’d see you tomorrow.”

“Not gonna leave you alone all night when you’re all injured and drugged up,” she explained as she got in bed next to him. She knew he would be fine. He was a grown man, after all. But, this was an easier explanation than telling him that she just wanted to be with him.

It was too scary to actually say that to him. Usually, she slept in the same bed as him… but that was just because they had sex. This… this was different. This was her choosing to sleep in the same bed as him just to be closer to him… not because they were hooking up. At least with his injury, she could claim that she had a legitimate reason to be here that didn’t involve her talking about feelings.

It was weird. She really didn’t know Bellamy all that well, but she felt so weirdly drawn to him. She figured that it was the same reason why she slept with him after the wedding, even though she knew better. Or why she kept sleeping with him, even though it didn’t make sense. There was something pulling her toward him, and it was terrifying.

It was a pull that she hadn’t felt since Finn.

“Okay,” he mumbled, gesturing for Clarke to come closer. She tucked herself up against him, feeling his hand stroke her back as she settled in. “Did you have a fun birthday?”

“It was… interesting. Everyone was already wasted by the time I got there,” she mumbled as she nuzzled into his neck. She felt him kiss the top of her head, and she felt like she was melting into him. He was so warm and soft, and she could feel herself start to drift to sleep.

“Clarke, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” he asked, and Clarke whipped her head up suddenly, trying to look at him even though her eyes were fighting to stay open.

“I didn’t want you to feel like you had to do anything for it. You know, because of whatever this is,” she said, hoping that was an okay answer. She tucked herself back into him, wondering if he was going to take that wrong.

She ignored the small voice in her head that was freaking out, and focused on his breathing, before she drifted off to sleep.

 

She probably should have seen it coming. Especially since he had been pushing her away since that night after her birthday party. But, for some reason, when Bellamy told her he was going to have a late night and that he’d talk to her tomorrow, Clarke’s heart started to pound.

He had no problem with her staying up so that she could hang out with him before… and Clarke had sometimes come over as late as one in the morning. She knew what this was code for.

And it really wouldn’t have bothered her to know he was hooking up with someone else… if she was doing the same thing. But, she wasn’t. She didn’t really want to hook up with anyone else. She honestly didn’t see a point, especially since she would be thinking about Bellamy the whole time anyway.

Maybe it was out of jealousy. Or maybe it was out of a need to make sure the two of them were on an equal playing field, where both of them were sleeping with other people. Or maybe it was because she didn’t want Wells to go off on another rant about how not being exclusive with Bellamy was going to drive her crazy… But, Clarke found herself back in Roan’s apartment.

And as Roan lifted her up to carry her into his room, her phone fell out of her pocket. She let out a groan, seeing the entire screen shatter. She rolled her eyes, before tugging Roan into his room. It wasn’t like anyone was going to text her tonight, anyways. And it was probably already broken. She really tried not to think of her phone as a metaphor for her life.

 

The next morning, she drove Roan to her apartment so that she could change her clothes before Sunday Funday. The last thing she needed was everyone roasting her and Roan for sleeping together last night.

“Clarke,” Roan said hesitantly as she pulled into Wells’ parking garage. She raised an eyebrow, not sure why he was suddenly acting weird. “I was wondering if you would do me a huge favor.”

“Yeah, sure,” Clarke said with a shrug.

“There’s a wedding back home next weekend. It’s for this girl I used to date back in college. And I really don’t want to show up alone,” he said, and Clarke swallowed. If Roan was just platonically her friend, she would have agreed to go without hesitation. But, Clarke was suddenly plunged into a world of questions, wondering what could possibly happen if she went with him to a wedding. It would essentially be a date, and Clarke didn’t go on dates. Plus, she wasn’t sure if she could stomach another romantic wedding, watching two people confess their undying love for each other… especially when Clarke wasn’t even sure if she believed in that anymore.

“Let me think about it,” she said, and Roan nodded. Fuck.

 

She should have known Jasper and Monty would drag Bellamy to Sunday Funday. She found herself studying him closely, to see if he looked like he had a late night last night. She tried not to notice how Bellamy’s eyes widened slightly when he noticed that she had come in with Roan.

“Hey, I need your help making more drinks,” Wells muttered, as he pulled Clarke backward toward the kitchen. Clarke really didn’t want to leave Roan and Bellamy alone in the same room, but knew better than to argue with Wells.

“What?” Clarke groaned once they were out of earshot, knowing that Wells absolutely did not need help with drinks. He already had enough made for everyone probably an hour before anyone arrived.

“Why do you smell like Roan’s soap?” Wells asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Wells,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. He let out a loud groan.

“Bellamy is here, Clarke. And you like him. Why would you fuck Roan again?” he whined, resting his head against the counter.

“I didn’t know Bellamy would be here,” she snapped, and Wells’ head shot up.

“I texted you,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“My phone broke,” she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose. “God, I’m so fucked.”

“No fucking kidding,” Wells groaned, glancing around Clarke toward the living room.

“Roan asked me to go to this wedding with me,” Clarke said, leaning against the refrigerator. “I think I’m gonna do it,” she confessed, and Wells’ eyes widened.

“You can’t do that. You want to be with Bellamy,” he whined, and Clarke clenched her eyes shut.

“Bellamy and I are just casual. I mean, he was with someone else last night,” she muttered.

“Yeah, but so were you…” Wells trailed off, narrowing her eyes at her. “Oh my God, is that why you fucked Roan?” he snapped, and Clarke shushed him, reminding him that people were nearby. “It is. For fuck’s sake, Clarke.”

“Stop judging me,” she begged, shaking her head.

“I’m not judging you. I’m worried about you. Do you want to be with Bellamy?”

“It’s not like that. We have an agreement,” she said, looking down at the ground.

“Clarke, you cannot go to that wedding with Roan. You’re starting to like Bellamy, which means you’re looking for any excuse to sabotage it. Please, don’t,” he pleaded, and Clarke swallowed. It was no secret that Clarke was a master of self-sabotage. And getting closer to Roan seemed a lot less scary than getting closer to Bellamy.

“I haven’t given him an answer yet,” Clarke explained weakly, and Wells had a pained expression on his face.

“You wouldn’t even be considering this if Bellamy hadn’t have hooked up with someone else last night,” Wells stated, matter of fact. And Clarke had this painful realization that he was right.

“It’s just, uh, that I was getting comfortable with him. And maybe one day we could be something more than this. But, now I remember that we agreed to be casual,” she muttered, shaking her head. “It’s stupid,” Clarke continued, before walking out of the kitchen, shaking her head. She was being stupid.

 

“Really? You’re using the eight-pound ball like some kind of preteen forced to go bowling with her extended family?” Wells spat as Clarke picked up the pink ball. Honestly, she just liked the color.

“Not like I’m gonna try and show off what a bro I am by picking up the heaviest one I can find,” Clarke teased, and Wells immediately put the ball he was holding back.

She stuck with the bowling ball she chose, pink and all… mainly just to spite Wells. As she walked back to the table, she saw that Bellamy had put her name in as Princess.

“Oh my God. Change that to Clarke,” she snapped, setting the ball down to get to the machine. Bellamy started shielding it with his back so that Clarke couldn’t change it.

“That is the most appropriate nickname for her I have ever seen,” she heard Wells tease, and Clarke snapped her head around to shoot him a warning look. “You know, junior year, Clarke was on the Homecoming Court and ended up being the Homecoming Princess.” Clarke let out a groan.

“Please tell me there are pictures,” Bellamy teased, and Clarke punched him in the arm.

“I hate you both,” Clarke snapped, making sure to glare at Wells even more. He had been teasing her all morning, and she knew it was just because he was rooting for Clarke to be with Bellamy. And she needed Wells to back the fuck off. Clarke was going to figure this all out in her own time.

“I distinctly remember her tiara. And she was wearing a pink dress,” Luna said, and Clarke groaned as she sat down, realizing that this was just going to be one of those days where everyone roasted her.

“I hope you’re happy,” she said to Bellamy, who had the biggest grin on his face. She swallowed, trying not to get overwhelmed by how that smile made her feel. She felt like her chest was fluttering, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Oh, I’m so happy, princess,” he teased, and Clarke swears she was going to lose it.

 

“Hey, Clarke. I think I’m gonna take off early,” Roan said. Clarke swallowed, noticing a seriousness in Roan’s face that she didn’t like.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked, turning her back slightly so that Wells couldn’t see her face. She knew he would be watching her closely if he saw her having a serious conversation with Roan, since he was the biggest eavesdropper of all time.

“Nothing, honestly. I just need to do some stuff before work tomorrow,” he said with a shrug.

“Okay. About the wedding thing…” Clarke started to say, even though she wasn’t sure what words were going to come out of her mouth next.

“I know. You can’t. I understand,” he said with a smile, and Clarke’s eyes widened in confusion. “Clarke, I have eyes. I see how you and Bellamy look at each other. I’m not going to get in the middle of that.”

Clarke’s mouth opened slightly as she furrowed her brows at him. “That’s not… It’s not like we… Bellamy and I aren’t exclusive or anything,” she explained, which of course Roan knew because it wasn’t like Clarke kept her relationship with Bellamy a secret from him.

“Well, I think you two should try and change that. It’s clear you want to,” he said with a smirk, and Clarke swallowed. “I’ll still be around if everything falls apart, Clarke,” he said, before pressing a long kiss to her forehead, and then turned around and walked out the door.

Clarke blinked a few times, not sure what the hell just happened. It wasn’t even like she was flirting with Bellamy all day. She was just hanging out, like she always did. She wondered if Wells said something to Roan or if he somehow heard her talking with Wells earlier.

She swallowed, walking toward Luna, trying to clear her head after that. There was plenty of time to overanalyze what Roan said to her later.

Then, all the sudden, Bellamy brushed past her and walked out the door. Clarke glanced around the room, seeing confused expressions from Jasper and Wells.

“What just happened?” Clarke asked Jasper, who looked dumbfounded.

“He said his ankle was hurting. But, he looked pissed.”

“What did you say to him?” Clarke snapped at Wells, who had a worried look on his face.

“I didn’t say anything, Clarke,” he said, and Clarke was pretty sure he was lying.

“Did I do something?” Clarke meant to just keep that in her thoughts, but found herself accidentally whispering it. Wells hand started rubbing up and down Clarke’s back, as she wondered what she could have possibly done to make him run off like that.

She knew that he was aware of who she was with last night, but that wouldn’t bother him. They were just casual. Maybe she didn’t spend enough time with him during the day. Or maybe he realized that this wasn’t working for him anymore.

 

Clarke tried to enjoy her Sunday Funday… she really did. But, she couldn’t stop wondering if she did something wrong to make Bellamy run off like that. So, she found herself sobbing in her car, trying to muster up the courage to get out and go up to Bellamy’s apartment.

She wiped away her tears, ignoring all worries that she was being too clingy with him. That’s what it had to be, right? She swallowed, not sure if that sounded right.

Maybe he started to realize that Clarke was a mess. That everything with Finn messed her up so much that she can’t even have a normal relationship anymore. Maybe he noticed that her cynical attitude wasn’t just a phase, that it was just how she was now.

Or maybe something was seriously wrong. No, Bellamy would have told her he was leaving if that was the case. It had to be something she did. Otherwise, he would have talked to her.

Once her eyes stopped looking red, she jumped out of her car and headed up to his apartment.

He opened the door calmly, and Clarke walked right in, not sure if she was feeling worried or scared or angry. Nothing was making sense in her brain anymore.

“Sorry I bailed earlier. My ankle was killing me,” he lied, and didn’t even do a good job of it. Okay, now Clarke was angry.

“What happened?” she snapped, as she sat on the armrest of the couch.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, like she was overreacting, as he sat down across from her.

“You stormed off with absolutely no explanation.”

“If you were so worried, you could have just texted me,” he said defensively, and Clarke could feel her entire body tense up. There was something he wasn’t telling her because he kept turning this back on her.

“I broke my phone last night. I’m getting a new one tomorrow. Why did you storm off?” she asked, not letting him change the subject.

“I didn’t storm off,” he said, and Clarke let out a groan. Now he was denying that he was acting like this. Well, fuck this.

“Fine, if you decide you want to talk to me, you can call me tomorrow after I get a new phone,” she spat, standing up. She could walk right out this door right now, she decided. It was time. But, Bellamy grabbed her wrist to stop her. “What?” she snapped, before looking at his face… he looked so sad. Fuck.

“Wells told me that Roan asked you to go to that wedding with him.”

“Of fucking course, he did,” she muttered without realizing she was speaking. She knew better than to tell Wells something like that. He couldn’t help but meddle. She could kill him.

“We agreed when we started… whatever this is… that we were free to see other people or whatever,” he stumbled, not even looking up at her.

“Yeah, you were pretty clear about that. So, you don’t get to be mad when another guy asks me to go to a wedding with him,” she pointed out, remembering that these were his rules as well. He repeatedly reminded her that they were not exclusive.

“I’m not mad,” he snapped.

“Really? Then, you storming out of the thrift store was you being what? Happy?” she said, crossing her arms.

“That’s not, uh. Fuck,” he said as he shook his head. “No, I just mean that I know you have been seeing Roan, which is totally fine, and you were with him last night.” Clarke’s eyes widened, wondering why he was breaking the unspoken rule that they didn’t talk about this stuff.

“Okay, we are not having this discussion. I’m not asking you about who you were with last night,” she cut him off, trying to remind him about what kind of relationship they had.

Bellamy’s face flashed to one of confusion, and Clarke couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t really care. I know what ‘it’s gonna be a late night, I’ll text you in the morning’ is code for, Bellamy,” she said, trying to ignore the bitterness in her tone.

“Clarke, I haven’t been hooking up with other people. That’s what you’ve been doing,” he snapped, and Clarke couldn’t help but flinch at the anger in his tone. “Like I literally have not slept with anyone but you since the damn wedding.”

Clarke blinked a few times, completely dumbfounded by what he was saying. Before last night, she wouldn’t have been surprised by this. She had been secretly hoping that she was the only one he was with nowadays, but would never admit to that. And now, it was true… and she didn’t know what that meant.

She needed to know what that meant to him.

“I know why Wells was all worked up over Roan asking me to the wedding. Why were you?” she asked weakly, hoping that Bellamy didn’t notice how her voice cracked.

“I wasn’t,” he said defensively, and Clarke wanted to scream.

“Try that again.”

“I don’t actually care about that. It’s just that Wells made it sound like if you went, things might become more serious between you two,” he said, standing up. What the fuck did that even mean? He can’t just say he doesn’t care after how he’s been acting.

“That still doesn’t answer why you were so worked up,” she snapped as she started pacing.

“Well, maybe I don’t like the idea of you and Roan being together,” he almost shouted, and Clarke could feel her chest tighten up. He was jealous. Holy shit, he was jealous. Why couldn’t he just admit it?

“It’s none of your fucking business if I’m with Roan. You and I are just casual, remember? That’s what you wanted,” she said a little too aggressively. But, he didn’t get to be mad at her for thinking about other people. She was jealous, too, even though it turns out over nothing. But, she didn’t freak out on him.

“Yes.”

“You and I are not exclusive, which is also what you wanted.”

“Okay, don’t keep phrasing it like I was the only one who made that decision,” he snapped, bracing his hands on the counter, and Clarke felt all her frustration bubble up to the surface. Talking to him was like talking to a brick wall.

“But, I’m not the one who is getting mad about the rules we set up. You don’t get to just decide you don’t like the rules anymore. You have to fucking talk to me.” If Bellamy had asked, Clarke wouldn’t sleep with Roan ever again. If he had just fucking talked to her about what he was feeling, maybe Clarke wouldn’t have been feeling like shit for the last twenty-four hours. Maybe she could have stopped feeling like a jealous, paranoid freak.

“That’s what we’re doing right now,” he growled, and Clarke snapped.

“You think this is talking?” she yelled, gesturing between the two of them. “No, this is me tracking you down after you threw a temper tantrum and took off without talking to me. This is the result of me freaking out for the last hour wondering what I did to fuck up so badly that you just ran away!” she continued, feeling the tears start to build up behind her eyes. She blinked a few times, trying to push them back. But, there it was. She was scared she was pushing Bellamy away. She was scared he was going to leave too.

“Clarke, I…” he said, trailing off, and Clarke could see him feeling guilty. But, she didn’t care. He should feel guilty. He had been sending her so many mixed signals, messing with her head.

“I said no to Roan, by the way. But, what the fuck did you think would happen if I said yes? Did you think I was going to suddenly realize he was the one all along?” she snapped, groaning in frustration. It was ridiculous that Bellamy and Wells were both convinced that Clarke would just start dating Roan out of nowhere. It was stupid and ridiculous. Clarke couldn’t even admit that she cared about Bellamy. How could she find herself in a relationship with Roan?

“It sounds ridiculous when you phrase it like that,” he said, burying his face in his palms.

“So, what? You just thought I’d come back and all of the sudden be his girlfriend?” She knew she should probably stop. That she was pushing this fight too far. But, she needed him to snap back, to admit something so that she didn’t feel like a complete idiot here.

“Maybe.”

“Why the fuck would you care?” she spat, ignoring the shocked, pleading look on Bellamy’s face. “All I am to you is someone you sleep with on a regular basis. If I started dating Roan, that really shouldn’t matter to you.”

“Well, it does matter to me!” he finally snapped, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more.

“But, why? You made it very clear this was as far as our relationship goes. It’s not like you wanted to end up being my boyfriend,” she groaned, as she pulled her own hair in frustration.

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

Clarke’s eyes widened, not expecting that.

“Maybe?” she asked weakly, praying that he didn’t take it back.

“Clarke.”

“There is no maybe here, Bellamy,” she explained, studying his face closely. “You either changed your mind or you didn’t. Which is it?”

Clarke didn’t know how she wanted him to respond. If he said he didn’t, everything could stay the same. And she was comfortable with how things were.

But, she couldn’t ignore the pain she felt in her chest when she thought Bellamy was with someone else. And, here she was, claiming that she didn’t want to be with Bellamy in a serious capacity, even though she spent the last hour panicked that she would never hear from him again. That he finally realized that she was a disaster that couldn’t be fixed. That he finally left, just like everyone else did.

“I changed my mind, Clarke,” he said calmly, looking her right in the eyes. Clarke suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She didn’t want to date anyone. And he wasn’t supposed to want her. That wasn’t what they agreed to.

“This won’t end well.”

“Yeah, we’re fucked,” he joked, and Clarke remembered all the times they described other people’s relationships as fucked, a synonym with doomed. They were both broken people. She wasn’t sure what had broken him, but she knew it was bad enough that he understood why Clarke was broken. And broken people don’t do well when it comes to love, because broken people are too busy struggling to love themselves again. She was going to hurt him, and he was going to hurt her. She could just see it on his face as he looked at her with that pleading look on his face.

“You’re gonna break my heart, aren’t you?” she asked, swallowing as she studied his painful facial expression.

“Probably. But, I’m gonna try really hard not to,” he whispered, looking like he was already sorry for the hell he was going to put her through.

This was a mistake. She knew it was a mistake. Clarke knew there wasn’t a happy ending for her, especially not here.

Yet, she found herself whispering, “Okay.” And Bellamy rushed toward her, and Clarke sunk her face into his chest, feeling him kiss the top of her head. Yeah, this wouldn’t end well. But, it felt right at least.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. And she wondered if that was for today or for the future. Maybe she should apologize in advance.

She knew, deep down, that Finn leaving wasn’t her fault. But, that doesn’t change the fact that she still felt like it was. Like if she had been better, kinder, more loving… maybe he would have wanted her enough.

And now, Clarke was always worried that no one else would want her either. It made her do a lot of stupid things. It made her hurt people who genuinely cared for her. She glanced up at Bellamy, terrified out of her mind. She might hurt him too.

And when he pressed his lips softly against hers, she felt herself melt into the moment, briefly forgetting why she was so scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you find yourself crying by the end of this update, I absolutely do not recommend listening to Cinematic Pop's cover of Listen to Your Heart... because that's what I've been listening to on repeat while I wrote that last half, and it had me sobbing.


	5. The Sweater People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the Valentine's Day smut I neglected to give you guys the first time around lol. 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is not really angsty, so I'm giving you guys a bit of a break. Don't get comfortable, though.
> 
> Thanks for the support! Love ya'll! Let me know what you think!

“I would let Finnick Odair do literally anything to me,” Clarke said, stealing a handful of popcorn from Bellamy.

“Do you mean Finnick Odair or the actor playing him?” Bellamy asked with a smirk, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Both,” she teased, and he let out a groan.

“You fucking would,” he mumbled, poking her in the spot on her waist where she was most ticklish. She playfully hit him in the chest, which only made him smile even bigger.

“To be fair, I would go for pretty much anyone in this movie,” Clarke said, and Bellamy narrowed his eyes at the screen.

“Yeah, I’d bang this whole cast,” Bellamy said with a smug look on his face.

“Even Stanley Tucci?” she teased.

“Especially Stanley Tucci,” he deadpanned, before leaning down to kiss Clarke. She settled back into his chest as she remembered that the movie was still going on. Bellamy was absent mindedly playing with her hair, which became his new thing to do when they were just watching tv.

“You guys watching the Hunger Games?” Jasper shouted as he walked in, and Clarke saw Bellamy open his mouth, knowing full well that he was going to correct him and say it was Catching Fire. But, he refrained.

“You don’t watch the Hunger Games, Jasper. You study them,” Clarke deadpanned, and Bellamy burst out laughing, and she could hear his laughter echo through his chest.

“I hate you both,” Jasper groaned, and Clarke heard someone else giggle. She lifted her head up to see Maya walking in, and Clarke waved.

“Aww, you two are so cute,” Maya said excitedly as she walked into the living room. Clarke narrowed her eyes and glanced up at Bellamy, who had the ghost of a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, adorable as they watch a movie about children murdering each other,” Jasper muttered as he started to unpack the groceries.

“That was the first movie. This one is with the victors killing each other, almost all of which are adults,” Bellamy corrected, and Jasper groaned even louder this time.

“For us, this is a very romantic evening,” Clarke deadpanned, and Bellamy started laughing so hard that he snorted. Then, Clarke burst out laughing as Bellamy tried to cover his face in embarrassment.

“You guys are so bad at this,” Jasper grumbled, but Bellamy and Clarke couldn’t stop laughing.

“Oh, I think it’s nice, sweetie,” Maya said, and Bellamy’s head whipped up at that.

“Yeah, sweetie,” Bellamy chimed in with a shit eating grin on his face, and Jasper did not look amused.

“Oh, like you two don’t have cute terms of endearment for each other,” Jasper snapped, and Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look.

“Does ‘Clarke’ count as a term of endearment?” Bellamy joked, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows up at him.

“I mean, you also call me princess,” she pointed out and he winked at her. He and Jasper went back and forth for a while picking on each other, but Clarke tuned them out after a while. Although, she really liked Bellamy’s weird friendship with Jasper. It was almost like they were siblings with how they teased each other.

She was spending more time with Jasper now that she was dating Bellamy, and it was nice. She forgot how much she missed her friendship with him. It was weird, thinking back on the way her life was so different after she found out about Raven. How everything seemed to change for her for months as she isolated herself and mourned in her own, self-destructive way. And, Clarke still feels like she is a different person than she was a year ago. That’s just what happens when your heart gets broken. But, everything around her is started to feel like it did a year ago. The only difference was Bellamy.

 

When Clarke woke up, Bellamy was already out of bed. She let out a groan, knowing this meant that she needed to get up already.

“Morning,” she mumbled as she stumbled into the kitchen, stealing a piece of bacon from Jasper who looked annoyed. Bellamy was grinning at her as he handed her a cup of coffee. She was grateful for how well he knew her already, knowing better than to try and communicate with her before she had her cup of coffee.

“Clarke, tell your boyfriend to stop being a cynical ass,” she heard Maya say, and Clarke whipped her head around to look at Maya and Jasper, who were very close at the moment. She was literally sitting in his lap, and he was all over her. Fuck, it was too early in the morning for this romantic crap.

“Are you two always this into PDA?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes at them.

“You know, Maya and I were having a nice, romantic breakfast before you two stumbled out of bed,” Jasper snapped, and Clarke accidentally snorted, causing Bellamy to start laughing. She couldn’t help it. This was just too much, even for Jasper and Maya. Everyone had been giving Clarke and Bellamy a lot of shit for not being all that romantic with each other… but if this is what romance looked like, it was too fucking much for them.

“Who has a romantic breakfast at six in the morning on a Tuesday?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke shook her head, resting it against Bellamy’s chest.

“A normal couple who is enjoying their first Valentine’s Day together,” Jasper snapped, and Clarke jerked her head up to look at Bellamy. How could they have missed that it was Valentine’s Day?

“It’s not Valentine’s Day. It feels like we just had Christmas,” Clarke said quickly. Then, Maya looked like she was struggling not to laugh.

“Oh, sweetie, we are well into February,” she pointed out, and Clarke’s chest started to feel tight. Fuck. She and Bellamy were going to have to do something for Valentine’s Day, weren’t they? That’s what normal couples did. She didn’t want to go out tonight. Not with Bellamy. It was too soon. Valentine’s Day was a fucking trap… a holiday designed to push relationships forward too quickly. And Clarke liked hers exactly where it was.

“I take it that means you two aren’t doing anything special,” Jasper said in a tone that could only be described as judgmental. Clarke looked back up at Bellamy, who was studying her closely. While they had never talked about it, Clarke would guess that Bellamy was pretty ambivalent to this holiday. He didn’t look nearly as freaked out as Clarke felt, though.

“Well, we both clearly forgot about it…” Bellamy said, and Clarke let out a relieved sigh. Thank God, he was good at reading her. She wasn’t going to say anything, but the idea of going out on Valentine’s Day made her want to bolt. It was too much. Too soon.

“Clarke, you used to love Valentine’s Day,” Jasper said, and Clarke turned her head to glare at him. Jasper knew better than to say something dumb like that. She only liked Valentine’s Day last year because she had a boyfriend who loved her and who spoiled her with presents all day. It was the only year that she actually liked the stupid holiday. And Jasper should have known better than to reference last year… knowing how thinking of Finn makes her feel sick.

“Uh, I enjoyed going shopping the day after Valentine’s Day and buying obscene amounts of candy on sale,” Clarke joked.

“That’s smart. Let’s do that instead,” Bellamy said quickly, and Clarke swallowed. Thank God, Bellamy was on the same page as her.

“You two are the worst,” Jasper groaned while on his phone.

“I think you’re a little too invested in our relationship,” Clarke teased as she sat down next to him.

“All of my favorite shows are on hiatus right now. This is all the entertainment I get,” he joked, and then Clarke heard Bellamy’s phone ringing in his bedroom. He let out a groan before going to pick it up.

“Jasper, I need you to chill out,” Clarke warned, once Bellamy was out of earshot.

“I’m just trying to help you out,” he said with a shrug.

“Well, you’re not helping. Like, at all,” Clarke muttered.

“Jasper, stop live texting my life to our friends,” Bellamy shouted as he walked back into the kitchen, and Clarke smacked Jasper on the back of the head. Of course, he couldn’t just mind his own business. Then, Bellamy let out a groan, looking annoyed at whoever was on the phone with him.

“O, Clarke and I both forgot that it was Valentine’s Day,” he groaned.

“Point out that it’s probably too late to get a reservation anyways,” Clarke whispered, and Bellamy nodded along, looking relieved.

“Besides it’s too late to get a reservation now. People make plans for today months in advance,” Bellamy explained, and Clarke could hear Octavia groaning on the other line. He moved to put the call on speakerphone.

“I’m gonna leave you three alone,” Jasper said, and Clarke shot him a dirty look, as he tugged Maya back toward his room.

“Hi, Octavia,” Clarke said, covering her face with her hands. Bellamy started rubbing her back, as Clarke braced herself for whatever Octavia was about to say. She really liked Bellamy’s sister. She was a great patient and Clarke could see herself being good friends with her… but, she was just as bad as Wells and Jasper were when it came to telling her and Bellamy how they should conduct their relationship.

“Listen, Lincoln and I had reservations for a double date tonight, but the other couple cancelled. You two are coming with us, whether you want to or not,” Octavia snapped, a little harshly, and Clarke’s head snapped up to give Bellamy a pleading look. She absolutely did not want to go out for Valentine’s Day. Especially not with another couple who was in a different place than Bellamy and Clarke. That puts too much pressure on them.

“O, you cannot force us to celebrate Valentine’s Day,” Bellamy said sternly, and Clarke shot him a thankful look.

“If Lincoln and I don’t get two more people to come with us, we’re losing our reservation. And this is our last Valentine’s Day before the baby,” she whined. Clarke looked back at Bellamy whose eyes were pleading with her. Fuck, they were doing this. She swallowed, nodding slightly, before putting her head down on the table.

And as Bellamy and Octavia made arrangements for the evening, Clarke came to a horrifying realization. Clarke and Bellamy had never gone on a date together. This was their first date… and on Valentine’s Day of all days.

As comfortable as Clarke had been with Bellamy these past three weeks, this was the first time that she felt the instinct to bolt. She was conflicted, between a need to get far away from this and a want to see it through.

 

Clarke settled on wearing one of her black dresses to dinner, careful to show just a hint of cleavage, but not enough that it looked like she was trying too hard. As Clarke started to apply her mascara, she could feel the nerves start to kick in. It was just a date, she reminded herself. She had been on many dates in her life… and this one was no different.

And even though she kept telling herself that, it didn’t feel like it. This date felt monumentally different than any date she had prepared for in the past.

Maybe it was just because it was Valentine’s Day. All day, she had been bombarded by happy couples who were more romantic with each other than normal… and that must be what is putting her on edge.

She must have missed Bellamy knocking on the door somehow, because she heard him open the door. She had left it unlocked for him like she always did when she expected him to come over.

“Sorry, almost ready,” Clarke shouted through the bathroom door, as she braced both hands on the sides of the sink. She could do this. It was just a stupid date. What was the worst that could happen?

“It’s okay. I’m early. I couldn’t listen to another second of Jasper and Maya exchanging sappy Valentine’s Day presents with each other,” she heard him mutter, and Clarke snorted… she couldn’t even imagine how much worse they would get during the day.

“I’m willing to bet Maya has a Pinterest board made for it,” Clarke joked as she walked out of her room into the living room. Bellamy was sitting on the couch, making himself at home, as he glanced at her with a strange expression on his face. “What?” Clarke asked, not sure what was going on with his face.

He swallowed, shaking his head slightly as he stood up. “Sorry, uh,” he muttered as he walked over to her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Clarke swallowed, narrowing her eyes at him. He was acting weird. Fuck. “You just… you look very nice,” he said, as he stepped back. Clarke glanced up at him, feeling a blush spread across her cheeks.

“Um. Thank you,” Clarke said, not really expecting that from him. It’s not that Bellamy didn’t compliment her regularly. He did. But, they usually saved their compliments for the bedroom, saying things in the moment that they weren’t really comfortable saying casually. She looked him up and down, noticing that he sprung for a button down for tonight. And he remembered to shave, she noticed with a smirk. “You look nice too.”

 

“So, how did you two meet?” Clarke asked, trying to distract Octavia from asking her anymore questions. To be honest, Clarke had never experienced an interrogation quite like the one she was getting from Octavia. She attributed this to the fact that most people easily warmed up to her. And it wasn’t that Clarke was worried that Octavia didn’t like her. She knew Octavia did. But, it was one thing for Octavia to like her as a friend and doctor… it was another for her to think she was good enough for her brother.

Octavia and Lincoln exchanged a look, as Bellamy leaned back in his chair, sighing.

“Well, actually, I met Bellamy first,” Lincoln said with a smirk, and Bellamy just shook his head. “His office needed a second opinion on a lawsuit against them and brought me in. And he and I quickly became friends,” Lincoln continued, and Clarke saw Octavia bit her lip, holding back a laugh.

“Yeah, we were great friends,” Bellamy groaned, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. He shrugged.

“What am I missing here?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Octavia has a nasty habit of stealing my friends and turning them into her boyfriends,” Bellamy said, holding back a smirk as he glared at Octavia.

“Like you get to talk. You stole my doctor,” Octavia snapped, and Lincoln rolled his eyes. Clarke burst out laughing, as Bellamy made a mock outraged face.

“Just to clarify, I had her first,” he said.

“I bet you did,” Lincoln teased, and Clarke almost started choking on her wine.

“And besides, Lincoln and I worked out. And you guys get to keep being friends,” Octavia snapped, and Bellamy started smirking.

“Yeah, I guess we’re okay now,” he said with a grin.

“So, we already know about Finn. What other relationships have you been in?” Octavia asked, directing her attention back at Clarke.

Clarke immediately tensed up, not sure how to answer this question. She dated a lot in high school and college, but nothing was ever serious. Those relationships felt like they were from another life altogether. And as Clarke stammered out an answer, she noticed that Bellamy looked concerned, glancing around the restaurant. Clarke started looking around too, trying to see what was troubling him.

“Bellamy, is everything okay?” she heard Lincoln ask. Then, she looked by the front door and saw her mother and Marcus walk in the door. Fuck. Well, she made the mistake of asking what was the worst that could happen… so, of course, it would happen.

“Yeah, I just saw my boss walk in,” Bellamy explained, and Clarke saw Marcus and her mom walk toward them. “He’s coming over. Behave, O,” she heard him say, and then it clicked in Clarke’s head, as her eyes widened. “Clarke?” she heard Bellamy say, sounding worried, and she forced herself to take a breath.

“Your boss isn’t Marcus Kane by any chance, is it?” she asked, now looking back at Bellamy.

“Yeah, do you know him?” Bellamy said, narrowing his eyes at her. Clarke could see Marcus and Abby get even closer, and Clarke felt like she was going to throw up.

“You could say that. He’s kind of my step-dad,” she mumbled quickly, before redirecting her attention to her mother, who had a very puzzled expression on her face.

“Clarke!” Marcus shouted, and Clarke ignored the confused expression on Bellamy’s face as she stood up to hug him.

“We had no idea you would be here tonight,” her mom said as she pulled her in for a hug.

“And you’re here with Bellamy,” Marcus observed, with a look she knew all too well. It was the passive aggressive smile signaling that Clarke should have told them about her new boyfriend. She swallowed and nodded, as Bellamy got up to shake Marcus’ hand. “Funny running into you outside of work,” he said to Bellamy, as her mom gripped her into another hug.

“I didn’t know you were dating again,” her mom whispered into her ear before pulling back. Clarke forced a smile back on her face, trying to remember the last time she actually saw her mother in person.

“What a small world,” Bellamy said, and those words struck Clarke right in the chest. This was getting weird. The fact that Bellamy and Clarke had gone so long without meeting until now was strange enough, without taking into account that her step-dad was his boss, and probably had been for years.

“Oh, Abby, you remember Bellamy Blake from our last party,” Marcus said, and Clarke could tell by her mother’s face that she didn’t remember him at all.

“So nice to see you again. Are you two here together?” she said with raised eyebrows, eyes focused in on Clarke.

“Yes, Bellamy is my boyfriend,” Clarke explained, trying not to get worked up at how her mother’s face tensed up at that. Of course, she already decided she didn’t approve. Clarke needed to deflect before her mother said something to piss Bellamy off. “Oh, and this is his sister, Octavia, and her husband, Lincoln,” Clarke introduced, before shooting Bellamy an apologetic look.

She tuned out for a moment, trying to get a read on Marcus’ face. She could tell he liked Bellamy… but was worried that he didn’t like Bellamy being her boyfriend. Clarke could easily dismiss her mother’s judgments. Her mother had been wrong many times about countless things, and Clarke has just resigned herself to knowing that she will rarely agree with her on anything. But, Marcus… he was a voice of reason. He was the closest thing she had to a dad ever since her own died. And, he loved her just like she was his own kid. Marcus was her dad’s best friend, and tended to judge people in the same way that her dad did. His opinion on Bellamy actually mattered.

“Congratulations!” she heard her mother say excitedly, which snapped Clarke out of whatever trance she was just in. “That’s so exciting. Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences,” her mother continued, as she patted Clarke on the back. Clarke suddenly felt her entire body tense, thinking about what her mother would be saying to her if they were alone. Probably some snide comment about how nice it is that Octavia is starting a family at such a good age… then, making a comment about how Clarke could have been in the same place in life if she had just found a way to work things out with Finn or actually gave the guys Abby tried to set her up with a chance. As if Clarke needed a reminder. “Hopefully one day, you’ll understand, sweetie,” her mother finished, and Clarke reminded herself that she needed to keep her cool in front of Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln.

“Well, we shouldn’t keep you guys from your table. I’ll call you tomorrow, Mom,” Clarke lied, and her mother knew it was a lie as soon as it came out of her mouth. There was no way in hell Clarke would call her, or take her calls for at least a few weeks. Marcus let out a loud sigh, and Clarke started to feel a little bit bad. He was always trapped in between their fights.

Clarke zoned out again as everyone exchanged goodbyes and they got settled back into their dinner. She could see Bellamy studying her face closely, but she wasn’t ready to explain to him her problems with her mother. She hoped she wouldn’t have to let him meet her for months, if they even made it that long.

 

Luckily, Bellamy didn’t pry, and she was so grateful. They found themselves in a CVS, going through all the Valentine’s stuff that was now on sale.

“Ooh, they have a tiara with hearts on it, princess. Maybe that’ll be my Valentine’s Day present to you,” he teased, and Clarke wanted to smack that smug grin off his face.

“I hate you,” she groaned, which only seemed to make him smirk even harder. Then, Clarke looked past him to see a heart shaped piñata. And, as much as Clarke was trying to give Valentine’s Day a try, she knew how she really wanted to spend it. “I do have a baseball bat in my apartment…” she said, hoping that Bellamy would give in. She could really just beat the shit out of something right about now.

“Oh, fuck yes,” he said excitedly as he grabbed it off the shelf. Clarke found herself smiling even bigger at his excitement. “Wait, why do you have a baseball bat in your apartment? You don’t do sports,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Wells got it for me when my roommate moved out back in med school,” Clarke explained, and Bellamy tilted his head in confusion. “Like, in case someone broke in.”

“How does he not know that you keep a handgun in your dresser?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke didn’t know why she was surprised he knew that. Of course, he had already gone through her stuff. It wasn’t like she hadn’t already done the same thing.

“Guess he doesn’t go through my stuff, like some people,” she teased, and Bellamy set the piñata on the ground, gripping her face.

“You forget that on my first Sunday Funday I saw you take five shots with terrifying accuracy. Excuse me for wanting to locate any potential weapons in your apartment,” he said with a huge grin, and Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing. She hadn’t forgotten… especially not his surprised face when she did it. She might have been showing off a bit, since she knew he was watching her closely.

“You scared of me, Blake?” Clarke teased, and he bit his lip, not taking his eyes off hers.

“Terrified,” he corrected, before pressing his lips slowly against hers. Clarke’s hands travelled up his chest, holding onto the collar of his shirt to keep herself grounded. One of his hands left her face, gripping her waist tightly as he let out a small sigh into her mouth.

“Gross,” they heard someone groan, and Clarke pulled away from Bellamy to see a woman in yoga pants, with her hair up in a messy bun giving them an annoyed look as she brushed past them in the aisle. Clarke bit her lip, trying not to laugh, as Bellamy clenched his eyes shut.

“We’re officially that couple on Valentine’s Day,” he muttered, shaking his head. “We’re no better than Jasper and Maya,” he said, and Clarke smacked his chest playfully.

“You take that back,” Clarke snapped, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Lean into it, princess. I took you to CVS. We can’t get much more romantic than this,” he teased, as he picked up the basket.

 

“You just destroyed love,” Clarke teased, as Bellamy looked at the wrecked piñata that was now making a huge mess on her carpet.

“About damn time,” he said with a smug look on his face, before pulling the blindfold off his head, and tossing the bat onto the couch. She plopped another piece of chocolate in her mouth, cringing slightly when she realized this one was dark chocolate. “I vote that we don’t count our weird dinner as our first date, by the way,” he said, as he kissed her forehead. She leaned into it slightly, closing her eyes as he did it.

“So, what? Our first date was us wandering through a CVS before eating obscene amounts of chocolate and beating the shit out of a piñata?” she joked, as Bellamy brushed her hair out of her face.

“Yes,” he deadpanned, and Clarke burst out laughing, shaking her head slightly. She had to admit, it was oddly appropriate for them. It wasn’t like anything else in this relationship was happening the way it was supposed to. So, a CVS first date seems just as absurd.

“Okay,” she said, grinning ear to ear, as Bellamy reached over her to grab his glass of wine. She grabbed another heart shaped box, before dragging Bellamy back to the couch.

“Eww, this one is coconut,” Bellamy said with a sour face, and Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said with a mock pout, before kissing his cheek. Bellamy let out a small groan, before pulling Clarke into his lap. She leaned over to grab one that she was pretty certain would be caramel. When she turned out to be right, she let out a slight moan of happiness. It was really unsettling how easily Clarke could pick up a piece of chocolate and find something completely disgusting. It made the good chocolates taste that much better when she found them. As she leaned over to pick up another one, she felt Bellamy start pressing slow kisses against her throat. She swallowed, focusing on her breathing as he kissed his way up to her jawline.

“Bellamy,” she whispered, closing her eyes as her fingers found his hair.

“You look so sexy tonight,” Bellamy moaned against her skin, and Clarke could feel the heat start to rise to her face. She tilted his head up by placing her hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her. She leaned down and pressed a slow kiss to his lips, his lips opening for her immediately. Her tongue started exploring his mouth, egged on by the feeling of his moans echoing in her own mouth.

One of his hands was holding her securely on his lap, gripping her lower back. The other had found itself tangled in her hair, pulling her face closer to his. Clarke loved the feeling of Bellamy’s fingers in her hair, how gentle he was with his hands.

Her own hand was sliding up his cheek, tracing the freckles on his face, as she kept bruising her lips against his. Her other hand was tracing his neck, feeling her way down to his collarbone.

Bellamy pulled her even tighter into his hold, but it still wasn’t enough for Clarke. She needed to feel even closer, she realized, as she gripped his face even tighter. Bellamy smirked against her lips, as if reading her thoughts. He slowly moved Clarke onto her back, throwing the bat on to the floor, as Clarke was now lying down on the couch. He climbed over her, pressing kisses up her neck before meeting her lips again.

“This better, princess?” he teased against her lips, and Clarke nodded, swallowing slightly. Clarke spread her legs a bit more, letting her dress ride up, as Bellamy settled on top of her. His entire weight pressed into her, and Clarke was overwhelmed by how much she had been craving this feeling. She moaned into his mouth, as his chest pressed against hers tightly. She was overwhelmed by how Bellamy seemed to be everywhere. There wasn’t a part of her body that couldn’t feel his body heat, and all she could smell was Bellamy. She was just surrounded by him. Everything about this was simultaneously very passionate, while aggressively gentle. Normally, they were both rushed, not being able to get each other undressed quickly enough. Hungry, almost, as they clung to each other.

Sure, there were times that they slowed things down… but that was always a conscious choice on both of their parts. And it didn’t help that Clarke’s new favorite hobby was teasing Bellamy. This, on the other hand, didn’t feel like a conscious choice. It just felt like instinct.

His hands didn’t travel much, and usually by his point he was at least rubbing her thighs. No, he kept his hands on her face and neck, as his tongue danced around hers. Her fingers were gripping onto his hair, needing something to hold onto as she moaned into his mouth. He was hardly touching her, and yet, Clarke already felt overwhelmed.

After a few minutes, he finally broke away from her lips to trail his mouth back down her neck. She swallowed, feeling how gently he kissed her throat. He kept kissing down, settling on the skin right above her neckline, as he gently sucked on the top of her breast.

“That feels so good, Bell,” Clarke whimpered, not wanting him to ever stop. She started massaging his scalp with her hand, feeling him moan against her skin the second she started. She smirked to herself, closing her eyes. She continued to massage his hair, focusing only on the feeling of his wet lips travelling across her chest to her other breast, before starting to suck on that one as well.

She could feel her arousal growing, but didn’t want to rush Bellamy… not when he was being so sweet to her. She had no idea what had inspired this, but she wasn’t going to argue when he was acting like this.

His hand travelled to her other breast, slipping under her dress, slowly massaging it, as he sucked harder onto her other one. Clarke must have been moaning loudly, because she could feel Bellamy smirking against her skin. He loved hearing her moan… a fact that she discovered early on. And he really loved knowing that he was the one making her moan.

For a while, Clarke forgot what day it was. She had completely forgotten about the awkward dinner where she ran into her mother. She hadn’t really thought about it since they walked into CVS. She swallowed, remembering to stay in this moment and to stop worrying about that bullshit. She closed her eyes again, turning her brain off… only thinking about how Bellamy’s lips felt against her skin.

“Let’s get in bed, Clarke,” Bellamy said, pulling off her. She let out a whimper at the loss of contact as she sat up. Bellamy started tugging her by the hand, and she looked into his eyes, seeing the dark hunger that she was used to. Something must have snapped in him too, because he didn’t look like he could be patient anymore.

He pushed her up against her bedroom door, pressing a bruising kiss against her lips, hands now gripping her waist tightly. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into her, as he moaned into her mouth.

His hands started travelling up her sides, and Clarke got chills from the anticipation. Then, he pulled her off the door, not taking his lips off hers, as he reached around to touch her back. He fumbled around for a moment, finally locating the zipper of her dress. She smirked against his lips, loving that she could make him this impatient. Her hands started travelling down as she unbuttoned his shirt quickly. She could feel the cold air from the room against her bare back once the zipper was pulled down all the way, and she swallowed, returning her focus to getting this shirt off him.

Bellamy started to help her, smirking at her eagerness. Once the last button was undone, he stepped back, yanking his shirt off and tossing it to the side as his smirk grew. Clarke was watching him eagerly, wondering when the last time she got to just stare at his chest and abs like this.

She let her dress drop to the floor, now taking her turn to smirk. Bellamy’s jaw clenched as he looked her up and down, his eyes hungry with lust.

“Get over here,” he ordered with almost gritted teeth, and Clarke made sure to take very slow steps toward him, teasing him. He wasn’t in the mood to be teased, since he met her halfway, before nearly throwing her onto the bed. “Fucking tease,” he murmured, as his lips kissed down her chest, onto her stomach. She propped herself up on her elbows, mentally kicking herself for not making him take his pants off already. He kissed all the way down her stomach, slowing his kisses as he neared her panties.

“Now who is being a tease?” Clarke smirked, and Bellamy practically growled against her skin.

“Oh, I promise you, Clarke,” he started, as he yanked her underwear off aggressively, “I’m absolutely done teasing you for the night.” Then, he quickly spread her legs apart, before diving right into her pussy. His tongue thrusting into her without warning, as fingers spread her apart for him.

The scream that escaped Clarke’s lips was enough to give Bellamy goosebumps, she noticed, as she gripped the back of his neck. She clenched her eyes closes, focusing on how Bellamy’s breath felt against her throbbing clit, before he started sucking on it.

“Bellamy,” she moaned loudly, as his fingers entered her.

“I want to hear you, princess,” she heard Bellamy order, and Clarke wanted to roll her eyes. He could hear her just fine. His ego just wants to her moan and beg for him… not that she would ever deprive him of that.

“Bellamy, please,” she pleaded, voice sounding strangled, as she focused on how quickly his fingers were thrusting in and out of her. He chuckled slightly, before lowering his lips back onto her clit. She started panting loudly, moaning his name over and over.

It was like she was cheering him on, since every time she uttered his name, he sped up his pace, sucking harder on her clit. And eventually, it was just too much. She couldn’t even get his name out of her mouth anymore. She momentarily blacked out, not sure what words were even streaming off her lips.

By the time she got her brain back to working properly, Bellamy was taking off his pants, with a smug look on his face, as he eyed her up and down. Clarke sat up, unhooking her bra and tossing it off to the side.

“You’re killing me, Clarke,” he growled, staring right at her breasts. Clarke loved how he looked at her chest, almost reverent while simultaneously depraved… and he did this every time he saw her naked.

Her hands started grabbing her own breasts, massaging them as she waited for him to get a condom on. The look on Bellamy’s face was almost one of jealousy, like that he wished those were his hands on her breasts.

“You’ve got to stop teasing me,” he growled as he climbed back on top of her, spreading her legs wide for him.

“I don’t tease you,” she said, raising her eyebrow. He clenched his jaw again, as he slowly entered her. She bit her lip, watching the pleasure wash over Bellamy’s face once he was fully seated inside of her.

She swallowed, as he began to pick up the pace. Eventually, he leaned back down, kissing Clarke’s lips and cheeks, as he plunged in and out of her.

“Fuck, Clarke,” he grunted into her neck, and Clarke started raking her nails up his back, feeling him slow his pace so he could snap back into her harder.

“You feel so good, Bell. I like how you fuck me,” she whispered into his ear, and he let out a growl against her throat, before biting her slightly.

He let out these beautiful, sexy moans each time he thrusted back into her, and the sound of it was travelling straight to her clit. She was going to lose it any moment for now, but she tried to hold on until Bellamy was closer.

She started lifting her hips to meet his as he thrust into her, earning an almost feral grunt from him.

“I need you to come for me, Bell,” Clarke whispered, and Bellamy started moaning again.

“Fuck, Clarke,” he muttered, burying his face into her neck.

“Yeah, baby, fuck me,” she said with a smirk. “So sexy, how you pound into me like this,” she kept talking, knowing that he couldn’t resist her talking dirty to him.

“Princess,” he moaned, kissing up her neck, picking up his pace.

“You feel how wet you make me? How much I want you?” she whispered, as Bellamy reached down to rub her clit.

“Fuck,” he grunted, and Clarke could feel him start to lose it.

“Yeah, fuck me with that cock. Your cock is so hard for me, isn’t it, Bell?” she whimpered, starting to lose it herself. She wouldn’t be able to keep this up, not if she came undone around him.

“So hard, baby,” he muttered, before letting out a loud groan, and Clarke could feel him start to erupt. She gripped his hair, pulling him onto her lips as he moaned into her mouth. She let herself go, falling apart on his cock, as he kept pounding into her.

She couldn’t focus on what his tongue was going, as she clenched her eyes shut, letting the pleasure wash over her.

It wasn’t until Bellamy pulled her into his chest, that she snapped out of it, realizing that Bellamy had pulled out of her and settled down next to her. He pressed a slow, dirty kiss to her lips, as she lazily threw her arms around his neck.

“God, I could watch you come for me all day,” Bellamy growled against her lips, and she started grinning, as she nuzzled herself into his neck.

“That can be arranged,” she whispered, and she could feel his chuckle vibrate throughout his body.


	6. Crevasses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keys Open Doors part two
> 
> But seriously, keys open doors was my favorite chapter in the last fic, and this one was also hella fun to write. Real angsty, because, you know, Clarke. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!

“Your sister confronted me today,” Clarke announced, and Bellamy looked up from his laptop with a terrified look on his face.

“Please elaborate before I have a heart attack,” he said, swallowing, and Clarke could almost laugh at how much his sister put him on edge.

Clarke was usually pretty nervous on days where she had appointments with Octavia. She was always expecting an interrogation or a confrontation… and today was finally the day, apparently. “She’s mad that I’ve never come to family dinner… which, I have never even heard of until today,” Clarke said, with a raised eyebrow… and Bellamy’s face did not drop the terrified vibe.

“We have dinner at Octavia and Lincoln’s almost every Saturday night. It’s them, me, Raven, and Finn. Sometimes Jasper and Monty tag along. I drag Murphy occasionally,” he explained, brows still furrowed.

“Bellamy,” Clarke tried to say reassuringly, but she could see the panic all over his face.

“I would have invited you. But, you know, Finn and Raven,” he said, swallowing, and Clarke knew that wasn’t the reason she hadn’t been invited. He would have actually talked to her about it if that were the case. This was about something else.

“Bellamy, you can just say we’re not at that place yet. You won’t hurt my feelings,” Clarke said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“It’s not that,” he stammered out, closing his laptop. “You know, they’re usually really boring anyways. You’d hate it.”

“Bellamy.”

“And Octavia really isn’t a good cook…”

“Bell.”

“And Raven and I usually get into fights anyway,” he continued, shaking his head.

“Okay, I’ll say it if you won’t,” she interrupted, grabbing both of his hands. “We aren’t there yet. It’s too soon for you to invite me to family dinners. Don’t worry. I lied to Octavia and said I had plans,” Clarke said calmly, and Bellamy swallowed, nodding.

She would have gone if he had asked… well, and if Finn didn’t attend. She knew everyone there, for the most part… although it was awkward being around Raven and Finn. It wouldn’t be any different than hanging out with her friends on Sunday Funday. Except for Bellamy, it was different. Because it was a family dinner… which had a symbolic weight that he wasn’t ready for.

She understood, especially since these things easily spooked her too. She was running out of lies to get her and Bellamy out of a dinner with her mother and Marcus.

Although, of the two of them, Clarke was less verbal when noticing when they were moving too quickly. She didn’t say a word when Bellamy ended up with a drawer in her apartment, even though it made her feel uneasy to think about. Whereas when Clarke spent too much time in his apartment one week, he started freaking out, saying that it was starting to feel like they were living together. It was kind of irritating, when she thought about it. Although, she’d rather him tell her he was uncomfortable than to stay silent and slowly drive himself insane like she was doing. She made an agreement that the next time she started to get uneasy, that she would follow Bellamy’s example and call it out.

 

“Well, just text me when you get to the airport,” Clarke said, as she picked out a necklace. Bellamy was sitting on her bed, talking to her about driving Murphy to the airport, while Clarke got ready for Niylah’s baby shower.

“What? Like a check-in?” Bellamy snapped, and Clarke could hear that panic set back in his voice. She nodded slowly, hoping that we wouldn’t read too much into it. “Okay, we are not going to be one of those couples that has to check on each other all day,” he groaned, and Clarke slammed her eyes shut out of frustration. Of course, he couldn’t let this one go. It wasn’t like Clarke couldn’t live unless she knew what he was up to all day. It didn’t matter to her. She just felt better if she hears from him periodically throughout the day.

“That’s not what I meant,” she groaned, wanting to add that he knew she didn’t mean it like that, but refrained. “I just wanted to make sure you got there okay, since traffic is supposed to be a bitch today.”

“So, a check-in?” he said in a condescending tone, and Clarke whipped her head around to glare at him. It was one thing when she was suggesting something that made him uncomfortable… but, he didn’t have to be a dick about it. “What? That’s just a little too couple-y, don’t you think?”

“We are a couple,” she snapped, clenching her jaw.

“Yeah, but we’re not like a couple couple, you know? Like checking on each other all day is just a little codependent.”

“Okay, don’t text me then. What do I care?” she muttered as she went to grab her nude heels.

“Clarke,” he groaned, but Clarke was done having this conversation. There was no reasoning with him when he got like this.

“Did you remember to put your clothes in the dryer last night?” she asked, knowing that he definitely did not. He was incredibly forgetful.

“Fuck, no,” he muttered, and she heard him rush into living room.

“I’ll just drop them off at your apartment next time I come over,” she shouted, refraining from adding in, “if that’s not too couple-y for you.”

“Just give me a key and I’ll come back after I drop off Murphy and get them,” he shouted back, and Clarke felt the panic take over her body. Bellamy just asked her for a key. He wasn’t supposed to do that. That was a step she wasn’t ready for. She followed him, stopping at the doorway to get a better look at him, to see if he even realized what he just asked her. “What?” he snapped.

“You just asked me for a key to my apartment,” she stated calmly, trying to remind herself not to blow up over this.

He looked at her, confused, for a few moments. Then, realization struck him and his eyes widened. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said quickly as he walked toward her, and Clarke wanted to snap at him over that. It’s not like he cared what Clarke meant by asking him to text her when he got to the airport. By his logic, intent did not matter.

“And how did you mean it?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Just in a practical way. You know, keys open doors. I mean, it’s just a key,” he said flippantly, like he didn’t even see this for the monumental step that it was. It was one thing for him to have a drawer… but, this was too far.

“It’s not just a key. It’s a symbol,” she muttered, as she turned around to grab her stuff.

“No, other people see it as a symbol. It doesn’t have to be that way for us,” he groaned as he followed her.

“Exchanging keys is a very serious step in relationships, Bellamy,” she snapped, wondering why he wasn’t getting this.

“What is the big deal if I have a key to get into your apartment? It’s not like I’m really going to use it,” he shrugged, and Clarke’s mind started racing, thinking back to the last time she gave a boyfriend a key. She glanced around the room, remembering where Finn would always toss his briefcase, and how he would always leave behind a pair of shoes that she tripped over every fucking morning.

“After I give you a key, you will start having more stuff at my apartment,” Clarke explained, trying to make him understand why this was a problem without having to actually say the words. She didn’t like talking about Finn… especially to Bellamy, who seemed to have more outrage toward him than most people. And, she knew most of that was because of what Finn did to Raven, not to her. So, when Bellamy talked about Finn, and Clarke could see the bitter hatred seeping from his words, Clarke felt almost jealous that it wasn’t because of her. It was stupid, she knew it. But, it was why she did whatever she could to not talk to him about Finn.

“Okay, that is way down the road for us, Clarke,” he said defensively.

“Bellamy,” she sighed, putting her hands over her head.

“And why would it be a big deal if I had more stuff here? I spend most nights here anyways,” he snapped, and Clarke swallowed. She remembered the day Finn came over to get his stuff from her apartment, how empty the entire place felt afterwards. It wasn’t that her apartment was empty… she had plenty of stuff. But, she had moved so much of it around so he could be comfortable, and once he was gone, all Clarke could see the empty spaces she created for Finn.

“Because,” she snapped, “the stuff you leave here is stuff that I’ll eventually have to give back to you if we break up.” She looked at his face, seeing him instinctively flinch, and Clarke immediately regretted saying “if” instead of “when.”

“Clarke,” he said as he moved toward her calmly. It felt like he was trying to stop her from being upset… But, if he got to be upset about her spending too much time at his apartment or her wanting him to check in with her, she got to be upset about this.

“First, I’d be giving you a key. Then, you’d move more of your stuff here. Then, maybe you’d move in, and then, so on and so on. I can’t just do that again,” she kept going, remembering how she started moving out of season clothes into the guest room so that Finn would have closet space. How he asked to move in just a week before Clarke found out about Raven.

“I’m sorry I asked you for a key. I really didn’t mean it like that,” Bellamy said, as he pressed his lips together, grabbing his wallet and keys quickly. Clarke shook her head a few times, knowing that they needed to stop arguing if they were ever to get out of here.

 

She really tried to be a fun guest at Niylah’s baby shower, but Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about her fight with Bellamy. She probably could have kept her cool better. But, he could have too.

Clarke wanted to text him, but was scared it would come off as a check-in text, so she didn’t. It was stupid. All of it was stupid. She knew that he meant the key thing for practical reasons, just like he knew that she wanted to make sure he made it to the airport okay. It wasn’t their fault that they had been programmed to see these mundane things as symbolic steps in relationships.

God, they were fucked up. A normal couple would be excited to move things forward. But, not them. The second Bellamy seemed like he cared too much about Clarke, she freaked out, and vice versa.

She ended up leaving the baby shower early, not really in the mood to talk to anyone… or to celebrate yet another person whose life was actually moving forward, while Clarke cowered in fear over the idea of giving her boyfriend a key to her apartment.

 

When she finally got back to her apartment, the silence was deafening. She forgot that Bellamy would be off at Octavia’s all night… leaving her all alone for several hours.

Months ago, Clarke would have been thrilled to have a quiet Saturday night to herself. But now, she just felt so lonely. Maybe she actually did want to be invited to those stupid family dinners… regardless of what Bellamy inviting her to them was symbolic of.

She swallowed as she went into her bedroom, getting undressed immediately. She fought the urge to text Bellamy, reminding herself that they were both freaking out about these little things for a reason. Maybe it was better if she gave him some space.

As Clarke tugged a t-shirt over her head, she wondered if she could actually give him a key. If she could suck it up and do it, ignoring the symbolic meaning altogether. She let out a breath, resolving to come back to his issue after a good night’s sleep. Maybe if she got some rest, she would be able to let go of her stupid hang ups and see this for what it was: just a key.

 

Clarke woke up to the sound of pounding on her front door. She fell out of bed, as she tried to get up.

“Bellamy, what are you doing here?” Clarke mumbled, as Bellamy walked right into her apartment.

“You weren’t answering your phone,” he snapped, sounding angry. Clarke swallowed, wondering what happened.

“Sorry, I must have left it on silent by accident. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, messing with his phone.

“It’s not nothing. You just woke me up for a reason,” she whined, not in the mood to poke and prod to get Bellamy to tell her what was wrong with him. She was too tired for that shit.

“Well, if I had a key, I wouldn’t have had to wake you up,” he snapped, and Clarke felt frustrated, wondering if he was ever going to let this fucking go.

“I thought we already had this fight. It’s not just a key,” she snapped back, feeling like she was right back to where they were that afternoon when they first started fighting about the key.

“I know it’s not just a key!” Bellamy yelled, and Clarke’s eyes widened, as she jumped. Bellamy didn’t snap like this often… and he certainly didn’t like to admit that Clarke was right. “I know what giving me a key means to you. I know what asking for it means,” he started to explain more calmly, and Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath. “But, I am having a horrible day,” he continued, voice started to crack as he spoke… and Clarke realized that something horrible must have happened. She could see him start to tear up… which Bellamy Blake did not do. She stepped toward him, suddenly overwhelmed as she realized she didn’t know how to comfort Bellamy. What kind of girlfriend didn’t know how to comfort her own boyfriend?

“I think I just lost one of my closest friends and I’m upset. And all I wanted to do was climb into your bed and fall asleep with you,” he explained, and Clarke’s chest started to ache, feeling so guilty for not hearing him call her. He needed her and she wasn’t there. “I didn’t want to wake you up; I didn’t want to bother you. I just wanted to come in. But, I couldn’t do that because you don’t trust me with a key, which is fine,” he said, as he started to rub his eyes. “But, it would have been easier if I just had a key.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke started to say, but she didn’t know what to say. Bellamy never talked to her like this. They never talked about feelings and emotions, not really. And here he was, pouring out his heart to her… and because they had never done this before, Clarke didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted before she could find something to say. “I will be patient and you can give me a key whenever you’re ready. This isn’t about a stupid key, anyways,” he said, and Clarke grabbed his hands.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, and he sighed, shaking his head. “Want to come to bed with me?” she asked, and he nodded into her shoulder. Clarke started rubbing his back as he buried his face into her. She could do this. She could find a way to make Bellamy feel better.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” she asked a while later as he got into bed beside her.

“Raven and Finn are going to start trying for a baby,” he explained, and Clarke felt her entire chest tighten up. “And I told her it was a mistake.” Bellamy tucked himself against her, and she started running her fingers through his hair, trying to stay focused on him being upset and ignoring the horrible feeling running through her body as she heard that Finn was trying to have a baby… a step that she thought she would get to take with him.

“Some people don’t like hearing the truth. One day, she’ll come around,” Clarke said, not entirely sure that was even remotely true. She liked to think she knew Raven because she knew Finn. But, she didn’t. She didn’t understand how Raven could stay with him… Yet, Clarke wasn’t entirely sure she would have been much better if she had been in Raven’s shoes. There was just something about Finn that made her want to keep forgiving him, even while he was tearing her life apart.

After a while, Bellamy drifted off to sleep, burying his face into her skin. She tried to fall asleep, but she couldn’t. Her mind raced, wondering what actually went down at family dinner. She wondered if Bellamy would have been better if Clarke had been there, before reminding herself that he didn’t want her there.

She was struck by a weird realization. While she knew Bellamy pretty well, she didn’t know him well enough to know if this was going to bother him for long. She had no idea if he would be fine by morning and bounce back, or if this was going to make him miserable for weeks. And all she wanted to do was make it better.

 

Clarke couldn’t sleep for long. She was too busy worrying about Bellamy. She woke up early, while it was just starting to get light outside.

She tried to distract herself, remembering that it was Sunday Funday. That should be fun for Bellamy, she thought. Then, she realized exactly what would make him feel better.

She slowly nudged Bellamy off her, careful not wake him, before grabbing her phone and creeping into the living room.

“Yeah?” Wells said sleepily into the phone, and Clarke knew she was being kind of a jerk for waking him up. But, this couldn’t wait.

“I need a huge favor,” she said, letting out a sigh of relief that she had finally figured it out.

 

The first thing she did was scroll through what Bellamy had recorded on her tv, noticing several WWI documentaries. Okay, she could do something with that. They usually went to a museum on Sunday Fundays anyways, at least when it was Clarke or Wells’ turn. As she started searching, she found that the Arkadian Historical Institute just opened a whole new WWI focused exhibit. Perfect, she thought, as she started the Sunday Funday list.

Her mind starting scavenging through her memories, trying to think if Bellamy had really told her about any of his favorite things to do. But, nothing was coming to mind. She scrolled through all of their texts, looking to see if anything caught her attention, but none of their conversations seemed to be about anything.

She started to get frustrated, as she pulled up her lists from previous Sunday Fundays, trying to see if there was something Bellamy would like. She went ahead and wrote down one of her favorite ice cream places, figuring everyone liked ice cream.

A museum and ice cream weren’t enough for a Sunday Funday though. She started to panic, as she tried to think of something time consuming to take up a good chunk of the day. She wanted to bang her head into the counter, wondering why she could ever think this would be a good plan. She didn’t know Bellamy well enough to properly guess what he would want to do all day.

She groaned, as she looked up “fun activities to do in Arkadia” on google, hoping that there wouldn’t be a bunch of touristy answers. Then, she found the theater in Old Downtown, and reluctantly clicked on it. A movie would take up a big chunk of the day… even though it felt almost like cheating. Then, she saw it was showing The Godfather that afternoon… which made something click in Clarke’s mind.

That’s right. That’s Bellamy’s favorite movie. She knew this because she let out a groan when it came on AMC, and he started chewing her out for having no taste in movies. She got a burst of excitement, writing down the time and location onto the list. That still left a pretty big gap, and so Clarke started stalking his Facebook photos, looking for any clue into what Bellamy liked to do for fun that wasn’t sex with Clarke.

It took until Clarke scrolled all the way back to photos from what looked like his college years for her to find something. Once she looked past his greasy hair and thanked God that he had a major glow up, she noticed that he repeatedly had photos from a laser tag place. Okay, laser tag was totally doable.

 

“You better have champagne for mimosas,” she heard Wells yell as he let himself into her apartment. Bellamy was busy helping Clarke get the food ready for brunch, and he seemed to already be in a better mood than he was last night.

“Already chilled in the fridge,” she shouted back.

“Oh, and where did you put the---” Wells started to say, and panic went through Clarke, worried that Wells was about to out her.

“In my room, top drawer of the desk,” she interrupted, letting him know where she hid the list. As he brushed past her, Wells dropped something in her pocket, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief that he actually remembered. Once Bellamy went into the living room, Clarke retrieved Wells’ key to her apartment out of her pocket and tucked it into her purse so she wouldn’t lose it.

 

“Bellamy, did you see the journal pages over here?” Clarke asked, trying to get Bellamy away from Wells before he asked Wells why he picked a history museum for Sunday Funday. She was getting nervous, especially because Wells was notoriously bad at keeping secrets.

“Holy shit,” Bellamy muttered, grinning ear to ear like a kid on Christmas morning. When he was properly focused, Clarke tiptoed away, hoping to get a moment alone with Wells to remind him to keep his stupid mouth shut.

“He’s not suspicious or anything, right?” Clarke whispered, and Wells shot her a look.

“He won’t find out, Clarke. Everything is fine,” Wells reassured, and Clarke glanced back at Bellamy who was very excitedly explaining something to Monty, who was narrowing his eyes back at him. “You know, I do expect you to make me another key.”

“I’m not even sure I should give him yours,” Clarke said, swallowing. She was a bit rattled when she called Wells that morning… especially when she asked him for his key back so she could give it to Bellamy. She didn’t have time to make a new one before Sunday Funday… and for some reason, thought that giving him a key was a good idea.

“It’s just a key.”

“But, it’s not,” she said, shaking her head, and Wells let out an acknowledging sigh.

“You’re right. It’s not. But, look at what you’re doing for him just to cheer him up. If the key is a symbol of letting someone in, emotionally speaking, you’ve already given him a key,” Wells said with a shrug, and that might just be the most insightful thing Wells had ever said.

 

“I didn’t realize having a girlfriend meant losing half my ice cream,” Bellamy muttered as Clarke stole yet another spoonful of his ice cream. She shot him a mock pout, and he immediately caved, smiling softly back at her.

“Thank you,” Clarke said with a smug grin, and Bellamy rolled his eyes. She was trying to tune Monty and Jasper out, knowing that she would get worked up hearing them tell stories from their drunken night. They were still so irresponsible, and it made her nervous hearing these stories… knowing all the different ways they could have gotten into trouble.

“You know, this has been a great day so far,” Bellamy said quietly, and Clarke felt like she could explode from happiness. She knew he loved the museum… but couldn’t tell if it was enough to get his mind off whatever happened between him and Raven. “Who knew I would like Wells’ Sunday Funday?” he said with a shrug, and Clarke could see that Wells overheard that last part, with his eyes immediately going wide, offended by the idea that anyone would dislike his Sunday Funday lists.

“Well, people surprise you,” Clarke said quietly, narrowing her eyes at Wells, reminding him to not make her day difficult.

 

Clarke had to step out of the theater to run to the bathroom. When she stepped out of the bathroom, her heart stopped, seeing Finn standing in the lobby. He glanced up, giving her a look of recognition that told her he came there to find her.

“Clarke,” he said, as he started walking toward her. Clarke swallowed, not sure what to do. Finn wasn’t supposed to be here. She filed that restraining order, and he knew that.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, trying to figure out how he found out she was even here. Then, she remembered getting that notification that Jasper had tagged her in a stupid check in on Facebook.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” he pleaded, and Clarke took another step back.

“I am here with my boyfriend, Finn,” she snapped, and the look on his face was nothing short of horrified. “You need to leave.”

“Why are you even with him? He’s not a good guy,” Finn groaned, running his hands through his hair.

“Excuse me,” Clarke muttered as she tried to step around him, but he grabbed her wrist. And, on instinct, Clarke turned around and slapped him with the other hand. “Get the fuck away from me,” she growled quietly, knowing that she probably caught the attention of some of the people working in the theater.

“Clarke,” Finn snapped, eyes wide as he rubbed the side of his face.

“You are violating your restraining order. Go home,” she ordered, as she ripped her hand from his clasp and moved toward the theater. Once the door was shut behind her and she was in the darkness of the theater, she let herself take a deep breath. She was okay. Finn wasn’t going to keep bothering her. She was fine. She was enjoying her Sunday Funday with her boyfriend. Everything was alright.

Once she got her nerves under control, she moved toward her seat, apologizing to every person she had to bump past as she moved toward Bellamy.

“Everything okay?” he whispered as his arm wrapped around her. She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder as he pulled her in closer. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, that lingered just a second longer than it normally did, and Clarke wondered if somehow, he knew something was bothering her.

She tried to get into the movie, she really did. But, it was no secret that she thought The Godfather was overrated. Bellamy wasn’t as into the movie as she thought he would be, as he kept glancing at Clarke with a strange look on his face. His fingers were running through her hair throughout the movie, which she found relaxing. And, he kept kissing her forehead.

Clarke wasn’t used to Bellamy being this affectionate in public. They reserved PDA for when they were hanging out in each other’s’ apartments. This was… new. Maybe it was just because he was in a good mood from the day.

But, he wasn’t like this an hour ago. Something feels different, but Clarke can’t figure out what it is.

 

It was driving Clarke crazy, as Clarke noticed that Bellamy kept looking at her with this strange expression on his face. She couldn’t read him. It was making her nervous, even as they relaxed at Grounders. He didn’t say a lot, which was fine, but he also wouldn’t leave her side… which was a bit inconvenient since Clarke needed to talk to Roan and Wells about what happened with Finn at the theater.

Eventually, Wells got up and went to the bar, and Clarke realized that a decision had to be made about the key.

“I got something for you,” Clarke said nervously, as she looked up at Bellamy.

“Ooh, is it sex?” he teased, and Clarke elbowed him in the stomach. She found the key in her purse, taking a breath before pulling it out, double checking that she was okay with taking this step. Wells had a point earlier, she had to admit. But, on the other hand, Finn was a nice reminder of what happens when Clarke is wrong about someone.

But, as she looked back at Bellamy, she remembered how broken and defeated he was last night. And the decision was made.

She put the key in his hand, and Bellamy looked at it with confusion and shock dancing across his face. His eyes widened as he looked back at Clarke, and she held her breath, hoping that he hadn’t changed his mind about wanting the key.

“Clarke, we talked about this. You don’t have to…”

“I know,” she interrupted, before swallowing. “But, I want you to feel like you can come over whenever you’re upset, like you were last night. And if giving you a key means that you have a place to go when you’re worked up about something, then I want you to have it.”

Bellamy made that face again, as he blinked a few times, staring right at her. His eyes were wide, like he was searching for some kind of answer as he studied her.

Then, his lips came crashing into hers, and Clarke melted into him. He held her so tightly, and Clarke felt her heart start to pound.

“Thank you,” he whispered against her lips, eyes still closed. Clarke swallowed, looking at his beautiful face. She made the right decision. She could feel it.

She pressed a small kiss to his cheek, relaxing slightly. That wasn’t that scary, she told herself. She thought it would be more terrifying… but, it was easier than she made it out to be.

“I’ve had a really great day, Clarke,” Bellamy whispered into her ear, as he pulled her in by the waist. Clarke smiled up at him, relieved that today seemed to have worked when it came to improving his mood.

“Well, make sure to tell Wells how much you liked his list,” Clarke said, and Bellamy’s jaw twitched slightly as he swallowed.

“Yeah, I’ll tell him he made the perfect list. It was just what I needed,” he said, before kissing her forehead. Clarke rested her head on his shoulder, smiling to herself that her silly little plan worked.

She was slowly getting better at this whole girlfriend thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update gonna be hella angsty, just FYI. If ya'll thought There is not Currently a Problem was rough from Bellamy's POV... it's gonna hurt so much more from Clarke's. It might take me longer to get it up, or I might split it in half... just because there was a lot of the story missing from Bell's POV, since it's a very Clarke central argument. 
> 
> We can all cry together, I guess. 
> 
> Fuck.


	7. The Only Thing that Helps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probs should have split this one into two chapters... but, oh well. There wasn't a great stopping point. So, here I am, a bottle of wine later with smeared eyeliner, posting this at about three am in my timezone. 
> 
> Anyways, if you can't tell, I'm hella emotional about this chapter, so be warned. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! Love ya'll! You're all wonderful.

“Hold on. Just let me grab my shoes,” Clarke muttered as she slipper her boots back on. When she glanced up, she noticed Bellamy staring at her with a confused expression on his face. “What?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy’s eyes narrowed.

“Where are you going?” he asked slowly, as his head tilted. Clarke swallowed, wondering if she was missing something.

“You do remember inviting me to family dinner, right?” Clarke asked as she stood back up, and Bellamy’s jaw dropped slightly… still looking very confused. He didn’t remember that fucking conversation.

Clarke wished she could say this was the first time something like this happened… but it had been happening a lot in the past week. It was like he had a short-term memory problem, or something.

“I don’t think I did, Clarke,” he said, eyes still narrowed at her.

“It was last week. You got off the phone with your sister, and went off on a rant about how happy you were that you wouldn’t have to deal with Finn at family dinner anymore…” she started, hoping to jog his memory.

“Yeah, I remember that part,” he said, crossing his arms.

“Then, you said that I could start coming to family dinner, and I asked if you were sure,” she continued to explain, yet he looked just as confused. “You said yes… we talked about it for a while and decided it wasn’t a big deal. Do you really not remember any of this?”

“Of course, I remember,” Bellamy said shaking his head. “Come on, let’s go,” he mumbled, turning around to walk into the kitchen.

“Bellamy,” Clarke said, following him. “I don’t have to go. It’s fine,” she reassured, and Bellamy let out a sigh. She should have known this was too soon.

“No, I want you to go,” Bellamy said, but Clarke had this creeping feeling that he was lying.

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Clarke said, grabbing his hands, hoping he knew she was sincere.

“Well, I want you to,” he said, with a strange expression on his face. And even though he spent the whole car ride to Octavia’s reassuring Clarke that he wanted her there, she couldn’t help but feel weird about being there, like she was overstepping.

 

“I have got to show you the nursery,” Octavia said almost as soon as Clarke walked in the door, before dragging her down the hallway. Clarke glanced back at Bellamy who had an amused expression on his face as Octavia tugged her by the wrist.

“Oh, this is adorable,” Clarke said as she glanced around the room, appreciating the pale blue walls.

“Isn’t it? I made Lincoln work his ass off on this room,” Octavia said with a smirk, and Clarke smiled back. It really was a nice nursery, and she recalled Bellamy telling her stories about the day he helped paint the room, annoyed that Octavia was hovering and calling out every small mistake he made.

“Well, I’ll make sure to tell him he did a great job,” Clarke said, realizing that this was the first time she had actually been in the home of one of her patients. It was weird… nice, but weird.

“Not long from now, this little guy will be chilling in here,” Octavia said, rubbing her belly, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe Aunt Clarke will visit you here,” she said to her belly, and Clarke swallowed, not sure how to feel about that title. She shook her head slightly, as she followed Octavia back toward the kitchen, justifying that she probably meant it in the way that a lot of people refer to their close friends as their kid’s aunts or uncles.

As the dinner started, Clarke couldn’t help but notice that Bellamy was still in a weird mood. But, it wasn’t like he was talking to her about it, so that probably meant this didn’t have anything to do with her. Bellamy usually had no problem voicing his issues with their relationship, so Clarke relaxed a bit.

She was amazed at how frequently Lincoln or Octavia brought up Finn and Raven, which must mean that their family is pretty close with them. She knew Bellamy was close to Raven… but she didn’t get how close until now.

Luckily, this dinner wasn’t an interrogation like the last time she went to dinner with Lincoln and Octavia. This was mainly because there were other people around, like Murphy and Miller, who Octavia had more urgent questions for.

Bellamy was noticeably quiet, and Clarke wondered if it was because Raven wasn’t here. She knew that whatever fight they had was weighing on him heavily, even though he refused to talk about it.

And as Clarke tried to fall asleep that night, she started raking her brain for any sign that it was Raven he was upset about… or if it was something else.

 

“Oh, and I noticed that we were running low on milk, so I went ahead and picked up some,” Clarke said as she opened up the refrigerator.

“Great, thanks,” he mumbled, and Clarke couldn’t dance around this any longer. He had been acting weird for over a week now, and wasn’t talking to her.

“Something wrong?” she asked, and Bellamy swallowed, with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Don’t get mad,” he started, and Clarke automatically tensed up. “But, have you noticed how weirdly serious things have been getting?”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, tilting her head in confusion.

“We’re getting each other groceries, we have drawers at each other’s places. We check in on each other every single day, and we spend every night together…” he started listing, and Clarke got an uneasy feeling in her stomach. So, it was Clarke that was putting him in this weird mood.

“So? We’re just comfortable with each other now. Doesn’t mean things are getting too serious,” she tried to say casually, hoping that whatever it was that was really bothering Bellamy wasn’t going to cause a big blow up. Despite the weird mood he had been in, things had been going pretty smoothly lately… at least Clarke thought so.

“But, all these little things add up to bigger things. Like, if we keep moving at this pace, and you keep more and more of your stuff here, and then spend even more time here, eventually you’re gonna want to move in…”

“What?” Clarke cut him off, refraining from laughing at the notion that she would move into his apartment when she had such a nice one, while his had a handprint on the ceiling from when Jasper drunkenly climbed up on the counter and high fived the ceiling while the paint was still drying.

“I’m not saying you specifically would, Clarke,” he continued, but Clarke could already feel the frustration start to build up in her body. It wasn’t like she wanted things to move quickly between them. She wasn’t pushing for it. She was just hanging out, just like he was. “I’m just saying that it feels like we are moving way too fast.”

“Okay… So, we’ll just keep things the way they are for a while, not take any more steps until we’re ready,” she said calmly, hoping to diffuse Bellamy’s stupidity before he said something worse. This wasn’t any different than in the first few weeks in the relationship where he would get uncomfortable if things got too relationship-y. She just needed to give him time to adjust.

“Or, maybe, uh, we could take a step or two backwards, you know?” he stammered out, and Clarke’s jaw dropped slightly. “It’s like we’re a little too comfortable together, and now that I’ve realized that, it’s making me uncomfortable,” he tried to save himself, and Clarke just wanted to smack him and ask if he could hear himself.

“We’re too comfortable, and that makes you uncomfortable?” she asked, hoping he would hear how ridiculous he was being so that she didn’t have to spell it out for him.

“Fuck, that doesn’t sound right. It’s just that Jasper suggested last week that we looked really serious and started pointing out all the different things that make us look so serious. And now that it’s been pointed out to me, I can’t unsee it,” he said with his face in his hands. Clarke swallowed, not liking where Bellamy’s head was going.

“Okay, so we’re a little serious. I don’t really see what the problem is,” she said, hoping that she didn’t have to explain any further. Sure, they were getting a little couple-y… but, wasn’t that the ultimate goal? They couldn’t just keep being these commitment phobic people who stayed in every night and never moved forward. That just wasn’t natural.

“You know, uh, I don’t know how we got this serious. Like, I didn’t make conscious decisions to get to this point. When we started out, things were really simple and easy. And this is just getting overwhelming for me,” he said as he shook his head, and Clarke felt like she was going to throw up. He couldn’t really mean that. He was happy with Clarke… she thought.

Before she could say anything in response, her phone went off. She would have ignored it, since Bellamy was more important, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raven’s name.

“Fuck, I have to go,” Clarke muttered as she read Raven’s text where she told Clarke she needed to come over and talk. This couldn’t be good.

“Okay.”

“You’re not going to ask me where I’m going?” she asked, a bit surprised that he wasn’t the least bit concerned that she was taking off while they were having an argument. He should be concerned.

“This is what I’m saying, Clarke. We don’t have to constantly know what each other is doing all day,” Bellamy groaned, sounding frustrated, and Clarke whipped her head around to glare at him. “I just don’t want us being clingy with each other, you know?” he said, and her stomach dropped, feeling sick that Bellamy is accusing her of being clingy. Clarke wasn’t fucking clingy. She was doing just fine before Bellamy showed up in her life, and she didn’t need him.

“I also bought you some tissues since you were running low. Hope that’s not too clingy for you,” she spat as she stormed toward the door.

“Clarke,” she heard him call out to her, but she kept walking.

“Maybe you can use them after you finish jacking yourself off, since you’ll be alone in your bed tonight,” she snapped, and Bellamy grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. And, God, Clarke hated when people grabbed her like that.

“Clarke, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh, what? Were you hoping I’d still spend the night and fuck you since you seem to miss the days where I was just someone you slept with and occasionally hung out with?” she yelled, and she could see the anger start to rise in Bellamy’s face. She wanted to dare him to yell at her. She could go off on him all day.

“You know that’s not what I mean,” he said calmly, which only seemed to make Clarke angrier. Yelling at him wasn’t fun if he wouldn’t yell back… and she fucking deserved to yell at him.

“You don’t get to just ask me to take steps forward, like giving you a damn key, and then suddenly decide to take steps backwards,” she snapped, as she pulled away. And it felt so good to let the door slam behind her as she stormed out.

 

When Clarke saw Raven standing outside her apartment door, any anger Clarke felt in her body just faded away. Raven looked almost devastated, and Clarke had a horrible feeling about whatever Raven was about to say to her.

“I might be pregnant,” Raven blurted out as Clarke unlocked her door, letting them both in. Clarke glanced up, swallowing as she studied Raven’s face. Slowly, she started to process that Raven might be pregnant with Finn’s baby.

“Well, you should take a pregnancy test to know for certain,” Clarke stuttered out, shaking her head as she tried to get her brain in order.

“I can’t,” Raven said with a wide-eyed look.

“I don’t understand,” Clarke started to say, wondering why Raven needed to see her or felt the need to talk to her about her potential pregnancy. They weren’t friends. They were just two girls who shared a boyfriend without knowing it. Raven didn’t have to talk to Clarke… in fact, Clarke couldn’t imagine that Raven would want to talk to Clarke. Yet, here she was.

“Was he really in love with you?” Raven asked, eyes looking like they were about to cry. Clarke watched Raven as she settled down on the couch, looking at Clarke with such desperation in her eyes.

“I think so,” Clarke answered quietly, almost adding in that she hoped so. She really did. If he didn’t, it meant that all that suffering she went through was for nothing. That everything they had was a lie. “Raven, what do you want from me?” Clarke asked, almost pleading in her voice.

“I want to know everything.” Clarke nodded, holding up a finger to signal for Raven to give her a moment. Clarke walked into her bedroom, kicking off her shoes as she turned on the light in her closet. She moved the giant pile of her shoes in the corner, tugging out a box she kept hidden from Bellamy. She let out a sigh, as she picked it up and carried it into the living room.

“He did talk to me about you, I realized later on. But, it was always in a past tense like you were an ex,” Clarke explained as she sat down next to Raven. “When we first met, he was ridiculously drunk and went off on a rant about how tired he was of feeling ‘caged up.’” Clarke opened up the box, pulling out a stack of photos, letters and other ridiculous mementos of her time with Finn. She handed Raven the napkin from Grounders that had his phone number on it. “For reasons I don’t really want to get into, that rant spoke to me. We talked all night, and texted for a whole week.”

Raven nodded, studying Clarke closely. “I should have known back then that something was wrong. Despite telling me how much he liked me, he was really weird about the idea of going out with me. But, he never said he had a girlfriend.”

“Fiancée,” Raven corrected, and Clarke snorted. That’s right. They were already engaged by the time she started dating him. Clarke leaned back on her couch, looking up at the ceiling.

“Right, sorry. Eventually, we did start dating. He was the first real boyfriend I had in years. I had a few relationships back in high school and college, but they weren’t really anything in comparison to Finn,” Clarke said, swallowing. She felt weird saying that, but it was true. Lexa was a great first relationship, but Clarke was also fifteen when they dated. The world was a lot different for her now, which meant that her relationships felt radically different. And, as hard as they tried, Niylah and Clarke never really seemed to make anything serious work.

“Did you love him?” Raven asked, and Clarke sat back up, looking at the coffee table that was now scattered with a few love letters Finn had written her.

“Yes,” Clarke said hesitantly, leaving out that it was the first time she ever said, “I love you” to someone she dated. Raven picked up one of the letters off the table and started reading. Clarke picked up one of the pictures, seeing him pose with her by the table at her birthday party.

In the months following her break up, Clarke went through this box almost once a week. But, this was the first time she had gone through it since Christmas.

Raven noticed her tears before Clarke did, and without warning, Clarke felt herself bury her tearful face into Raven’s jacket.

“I didn’t think I could love anybody,” Clarke muttered, not sure if she was even audible over the sound of her tears. “And no one had ever said they loved me, so of course, I believed him.”

Raven held her there for a few moments, not saying anything. And suddenly, Clarke felt so guilty crying over Finn when it was clear this wasn’t about her. “I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered as she jerked herself up, before noticing that Raven’s eyes were full of tears too.

“I have to leave him,” Raven whispered, and Clarke pressed her lips together, nodding.

 

Clarke had a few leftover pregnancy tests in her bathroom from when Harper overreacted after being a few days late. Turns out, she just wasn’t doing a great job of tracking her own periods, which Clarke had nagged her endlessly about.

As Clarke waited for Raven to come out of the bathroom, she filled her glass all the way to the top with a Moscato she had been saving. And by the time Raven stepped out, Clarke had chugged the entire thing.

“Alright, starting my timer now,” Raven mumbled as she stepped back into the living room. Clarke poured herself another glass. “Clarke, I’m sorry for just showing up like this. I didn’t know where to go.”

“It’s fine,” Clarke reassured, forcing a smile, but Raven wasn’t buying it.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, and Clarke couldn’t even begin to imagine what Raven hadn’t asked her yet. They already covered how she and Finn met, how often they slept together, even how they planned on moving in together.

“Of course,” Clarke said with a loud sigh.

“Why do you still have all of that?” Raven asked, gesturing to the coffee table. Clarke swallowed, knowing there wasn’t a right answer to that question. She should have thrown it all out by now, but she couldn’t.

“I don’t know. It reminds me of an important lesson, I guess,” Clarke muttered, and Raven tilted her head.

“How are you and Bellamy?” Raven asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Fine,” Clarke said, before walking back into the living room, full wine glass in hand.

“Clarke,” she said in a warning tone, and Clarke let out a groan.

“We’re moving too fast apparently,” Clarke confessed and Raven rolled her eyes.

“God, Gina really fucked him up,” she mumbled, and Clarke tilted her head in confusion.

“Who is Gina?” Clarke asked, having never heard that name before in her life.

“The only other girlfriend he’s ever had. They broke up three years ago when she rejected his proposal,” Raven said flippantly, and Clarke’s mind started to race. That wasn’t something that normal people just forgot to share. Bellamy knew about her history with Finn. He should have talked to Clarke.

Clarke wanted to ask Raven more questions, but she was interrupted when her timer went off and fear washed across her face.

Her jaw dropped slightly as she looked toward Clarke’s bedroom, feet not moving. “I don’t know if I can look,” she whispered, before glancing back at Clarke with pleading eyes.

“Okay,” Clarke said, as she set her glass down on the coffee table. She slowly walked into her bedroom, ignoring how it felt like her entire body was shaking. Once she stepped into the bathroom, Clarke could see her own hands shaking in the mirror. She took a deep breath, studying her swollen eyes in the mirror. She could do this, she reassured herself. Raven needed her to, and Clarke fucking owed her.

She swallowed as her shaking hands picked up the test. It took her a moment to see the negative sign, since she couldn’t keep her hands still.

When Clarke walked back into the living room, Raven was looking at her with terrified, wide eyes.

“You’re not pregnant,” Clarke said, and relief washed over Raven’s face.

 

Raven didn’t stay at Clarke’s apartment much longer, but Clarke wished she had. She suddenly felt so alone the second Raven shut the door behind her.

Clarke poured herself another glass of wine, before settling down on the couch. She got another text from Bellamy, but she didn’t bother to read it. She remembered what he said earlier, and she spitefully decided she didn’t need to check in with him anymore… since she didn’t want to be too clingy.

She leaned back on the couch, picking up one of the dumb love letters Finn wrote her. The note itself didn’t make her too emotional. To be honest, Finn wasn’t that great of a writer and his metaphors for love were kind of nauseating. But, it was remembering when she got it. How Finn wrote her a letter for every day that he was out of town that week so that she would have a piece of him every day, in case she missed him.

It was so cheesy, but still such a sweet idea. She knew somewhere deep-down Finn really did love her. Just not enough, apparently.

Clarke really was stupid to fall for him. She knew better. She was a smart girl who knew better than to just fall into a relationship like that, letting things move too fast before even noticing.

Then, Clarke’s stomach dropped as she realized that Bellamy was right. Things were moving too fast. It felt so natural, but Clarke should have known better than to slip into this. After all, this was just how things with Finn felt in the early days. And she ended up falling in love with Finn. It wouldn’t have hurt this badly if she didn’t love him.

Clarke swallowed, reminding herself that she wasn’t in love with Bellamy. Some days, she barely liked him. But, she knew she could love him.

Clarke shook her head as she ran into her room, looking around. Bellamy’s drawer was overflowing with his stuff, and Clarke remembered that morning when made a mental note to clear out more space for him. Bellamy had at least two pairs of shoes in her closet. Clarke had restocked his shampoo and conditioner… without even having to write down their names this time. She walked back into the kitchen, where she opened the refrigerator. She never kept beer in her apartment, and yet, here it was. She swallowed, before starting to go through the cabinets. There was cereal there, and Clarke never managed to eat breakfast before leaving for work. There was no way she bought this cereal.

Clarke grabbed the bottle of wine, before plopping down on the kitchen floor. She was fucked. This was just like what her apartment looked like with Finn. She started drinking straight out of the bottle, too tired to find another glass.

Clarke tried to distract herself, listing off things she could do to take her mind off Bellamy. But, she couldn’t watch anything she wanted to watch on Netflix because she promised Bellamy she wouldn’t get farther ahead of him on any of their shows.

Fuck, when did they become this couple? Clarke started scrolling through her phone, before her phone reminded her about dinner with her parents.

She blinked a few times, feeling a few tears start to stream down her face as she studied the screen closely.

Bellamy was right. He was so fucking right. They needed to take steps backwards. This was too much. They couldn’t do this. This wasn’t what they agreed to.

No one gets hurt, that’s what they promised each other. And now, Clarke is sobbing on her kitchen floor, chugging Moscato like it’s cheap beer at a frat party. This has gone too far.

“Hey, mom?” Clarke said into the phone, wiping her face.

“Hey, sweetie. What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing. But, I forgot that I had plans this Friday so Bellamy and I can’t make it to dinner,” she lied.

“Is everything okay?” her mom asked, and Clarke knew that she wasn’t doing a good enough tone of masking her feelings if her mom could notice just by hearing her voice.

“Yeah, everything’s great. I’m just tired.”

“Okay, well how about you call me back tomorrow?” she asked, and Clarke sighed.

“Yeah, sure. Good night, mom,” Clarke said, before taking another sip out of the bottle.

As Clarke stood herself back up, she glanced back at the coffee table. She decided it was a good thing she kept all of Finn’s shit. It was the reminder that she needed. She can’t go back to feeling like that. Never again.

 

“Clarke?” she heard Bellamy’s voice, and Clarke immediately perked up, walking out of her bedroom to see him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, and Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her, like she was acting strangely. If anything, Clarke was being perfectly normal. Sure, she might have had too much to drink, but she was very calm at least.

“I came to check on you. You weren’t responding to my texts,” he said, looking concerned as he stepped toward her. Clarke totally forgot about him texting her. She wasn’t entirely sure where she left her phone after she hung up on her mom.

“Oh, I’m fine. And remember, you don’t need to check in on me,” she reassured, and Bellamy’s eyes widened. Clarke wondered if there was something on her face or if something was wrong with him… because he was acting really weird.

“No, I’m sorry about earlier. I was being difficult for no reason. You were right,” he conceded as he grabbed her hand. Clarke tilted her head, wondering why Bellamy was caving in when he was the person who was actually right.

“No, you were right. I’ve thought about it, and we are moving too quickly,” she explained before walking back into her room.

“Clarke.”

“No, really, it’s fine,” she said with the most reassuring smile she could muster. “You were completely right and I just can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. Oh, and I called my mom and talked her out of dinner on Friday, so you’re welcome. You just dodged an annoying bullet.”

Bellamy’s jaw dropped slightly as he moved toward her to sit on the edge of her bed. “Clarke, I was fine with going to dinner with your parents. We talked about this,” he lied, and Clarke knew he was only doing this because he felt bad about earlier. But, she really wasn’t upset anymore. They both felt uneasy about moving forward for their own reasons. Clarke, because of Finn. And Bellamy, because of that Gina girl who he apparently planned a future with, yet never told Clarke about.

“Yeah, but that seems like a little much for us. I mean, we just started dating,” Clarke said with a shrug as she walked into the bathroom to start taking off her makeup. Maybe this was why Bellamy was looking at her weird. She looked horrible, all of her eye makeup completely smeared.

“Two whole months ago,” he snapped like that was some monumental amount of time. It was just two little months. That was nothing in the grand scheme of things.

“Exactly. You staying over tonight?” Clarke asked, and she could see Bellamy sigh out of the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, if you’re okay with that,” he said quietly, as he watched her closely.

“Oh good. It’s so cold in my apartment, and you’re like my own personal space heater,” she joked, but Bellamy didn’t bite. If Clarke had been more sober, she would have asked what was bothering him, but she was too tired for that.

Bellamy followed her back into the bedroom as she got undressed. “Oh, and I have an appointment with Octavia later this week,” Clarke mumbled, and Bellamy let out an acknowledging grunt, but she could tell he wasn’t listening. She kept talking anyway, not really liking the sound of awkward silence.

Bellamy finally started to get ready for bed as Clarke climbed under the covers. When he walked into the bathroom, Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath. This was okay. They could easily take some steps backwards, and Bellamy would be fine with that. After all, it was his idea.

And ever since Raven mentioned that Gina girl, Clarke realized why Bellamy freaked out the way he did. He probably saw the two of them taking steps toward a future that he wasn’t planning on having. It’s not like she and Bellamy would ever make it to a place where he would propose to her. No, they were both too broken to have a happy ending to this relationship, she could see that clearly now. So, they needed to put some distance between each other. Yeah, that would help them out in the long run. No sense in getting hurt over a relationship that was doomed to fail before it even began.

“You know, you can talk to me about anything, right?” Bellamy asked as he crawled into bed beside her.

“I know,” she mumbled, as she cuddled up against him. She glanced up at him, but he had this strange facial expression, like he was really concerned about something.

“Is anything bothering you? Are we okay?” he asked, and Clarke buried her face back into his neck. God, he was warm.

“Nothing’s bothering me,” she lied. “I’m great,” she lied again. “And we’re great,” she continued to lie.

 

“I could literally just leave,” Clarke realized, leaning her chair all the way back.

“Don’t be a fucking dumbass,” Wells snapped over the speakerphone.

“I mean, Bellamy walked into this knowing I would always have one foot out the door. He couldn’t really get mad at me,” Clarke said, staring up at her sunroof. Her car was the only place she could have a private conversation these days, and the last thing she needed was the nurses adding Clarke’s personal life to the list of things they gossiped about it.

“But, you don’t have one foot out the door. You haven’t for a while. God, Clarke, snap out of it,” he groaned, and Clarke swallowed.

“I did snap out of it. That’s the problem, Wells,” she snapped, realizing that this whole time she was with Bellamy was like a little trance. All these little things kept pushing them forward, and she didn’t realize it until they were too far along.

“Clarke, so help me God, if you let your commitment issues fuck up your relationship with Bellamy… I don’t even fucking know. Please, Clarke,” he pleaded, sounding incredibly frustrated on the other line.

“You know, I’m the first girl he’s dated since that girl he proposed to three years ago,” Clarke said calmly.

“That means something.”

“I bet he didn’t freak out with her about every little step in their relationship. I bet it didn’t bother him when she sent him check-in texts,” Clarke muttered, before pressing her lips together.

“Clarke.”

“He probably had a long future of check-in texts and cohabitation planned with her, not even stressing out over it.”

“Clarke!”

“You know why he didn’t freak out with her?” Wells let out a loud groan. “Because he saw a future with her.”

“Clarke, that’s not fair.”

“None of this is fair,” she snapped, sitting upright. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want a relationship. How the fuck did I end up in one?”

“Because you like Bellamy.”

“But, the timing was all wrong.”

“Tough shit, Clarke. You found him and whether you want to admit it or not, I know you’ve already pictured your future with him. I know that’s why you’re really freaking out.”

“Are you even listening to me?” she snapped, feeling the heat rush to her face. “The two of us are fucked. It’s just a matter of time before it all gets to be too much and I watch him walk away.”

“Clarke, you’re freaking out because the only experience you have with this part of a relationship was with Finn. Bellamy isn’t Finn.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t know. Bellamy might be kind of an asshole, but he’s always honest. He’s not going to have another girl on the side. He’s not going to string you along. He’s not going to rip your heart out like it’s nothing. He gets that life is too short to bullshit.”

“Okay, I won’t leave,” Clarke sighed, lying back down.

“Clarke.”

“Not yet, at least.”

“I’m going to hang up if you keep acting like this.”

“Okay, I’ll stop,” she groaned, turning on her side slightly.

“You want to be with him. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have slipped so far in the relationship. You ignored all those little steps because you were happy,” Wells reassured her, and on some level, Clarke knew he was right. It wasn’t like she was actually considering ending things with Bellamy. That would break her heart. But, sometimes, it was nice to remember that she could. That there was still an exit ramp nearby.

 

“Hey, I’m ordering Chinese tonight. What do you want?” Clarke asked as she heard Bellamy let himself into her apartment.

“Why didn’t you tell me Raven came over last night?” he snapped, and Clarke glanced up, narrowing her eyes at him.

“I figured Raven would want to tell you herself. I didn’t want to overstep, since things have been weird between you two lately,” Clarke said with a shrug.

He was silent for a moment, as he sat down in the chair next to her. “Well, when I found that pregnancy test in your trash last night, I thought it was yours.”

“Please, I see pregnant women every day. Trust me, I remember to take my birth control. You’re not knocking me up,” she teased with a smirk, trying to ease herself into this conversation. The wine she’d been drinking had helped calm her down once she got home, and she didn’t want to get into another fight with Bellamy like she did yesterday afternoon.

But, Bellamy didn’t seem to be as calm as she did. His brows were furrowed as he studied her, and Clarke knew something was up. “Hey, what’s going on?” Clarke asked with a smile, as she climbed into his lap. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, as if she needed to reassure him that they were completely fine. He swallowed before looking at her closely.

“Raven told me the whole story about you and Finn.”

“Okay,” Clarke shrugged, figuring as much.

“Why was this the first time I heard the story? I’m your boyfriend, Clarke,” he pleaded, as he rested his head against Clarke’s shoulder.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” she whispered, as she started rubbing his back. “I just don’t like talking about that stuff. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“But, you told Raven,” he said with closed eyes.

“Raven needed to hear it,” Clarke said with a shrug. And it was true. It was kind of her business to know anyways. “It seems like it was the final push to get her to leave Finn. So, I had to tell her. It was for her own good,” she continued, before climbing out of his lap.

“Well, maybe I needed to hear it too,” he whispered, and Clarke froze, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Why? It’s in my past, Bell.”

“Clarke, I know that certain steps in our relationship have freaked you out because of how things went with you and Finn. It would have helped to know the specifics, though.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about Finn with you,” she snapped, suddenly feeling the urge to run into her room and lock the door. She didn’t talk about Finn. Not unless she had to. Raven was a special exception because Clarke basically ruined her life by being with Finn.

“Why is it that you can’t even talk to me about him but you can spill your heart out to Raven? I don’t keep things from you,” he snapped, and Clarke felt chills go up her spine. He was really good at lying, and that was kind of terrifying.

“Oh really?” she asked with a forced smile, now beyond pissed.

“Yeah.”

“Then, who is Gina?” she asked with the same forced smile, as she watched Bellamy’s entire face melt into a dumbfounded expression.

“Clarke.”

“You don’t get to be mad at me for keeping Finn stuff from you. Not since you have never told me that I’m the first person you’ve dated in three years. That your heart got shattered when Gina rejected your proposal,” she snapped, as Bellamy clenched his eyes shut.

“That’s different,” he whispered.

“No, it’s not,” she stated calmly. “And now that I know, I am so sorry that I tried to push our relationship forward. Obviously, you’re not comfortable with how close we’ve gotten,” she continued, and she really meant that. If she had known that she was the first girl he had dated since getting rejected like that, she never would have pushed as hard as she did. She would have been more careful, making sure not to overstep and get too clingy. Things could have been better if she just knew.

“Clarke, I am comfortable,” he said as he stepped toward her, as his eyes grew sadder. “I was happy before we had that fight yesterday. Let’s just pretend I never said anything,” he begged, but it wouldn’t be that simple. It couldn’t be. Nothing between them ever was.

“It’s like you said yesterday. Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it. Now all I see are the same steps I took with Finn. The steps that led to him ripping me apart and leaving me broken,” she said, without realizing that tears had already started flowing. Clarke couldn’t remember if she had ever cried in front of Bellamy. Fuck, another step she wasn’t planning on.

Bellamy crossed the distance between them before gripping her tightly against his chest. She let herself have this moment, burying her face into his shirt, as she felt him kiss the top of her head. God, it felt so nice, having him like this for just a moment.

“I’m not Finn,” he whispered, and Clarke knew that. Bellamy was nothing like Finn. Finn was a sweet talker, and Bellamy was always putting his foot in his mouth. Finn wanted to go out every night, and Bellamy would rather stay in. Finn kept big things from her, and Bellamy didn’t. Finn made her feel like she wasn’t enough, and Bellamy had never once made her feel like that.

“And I’m not Gina,” she whispered back.

“I know,” he said, as Clarke pulled back, wiping the tears off her face. “You know, it wasn’t easy. Listening to the story of how you fell in love with Finn,” he said, and Clarke’s head snapped up, wondering exactly what he meant by that. It almost sounded like he was jealous… which shouldn’t surprise her. Bellamy has proven already that he was the jealous type. But, he knew Clarke didn’t want to be with Finn. He knew that was so over.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m still upset,” he whispered as he shook his head, now sitting down at the kitchen table. “You just had this whole future planned with Finn… but, with me, you get terrified when things get too serious too quickly.”

“So do you,” she pointed out, finding it ironic that he was so worked up over the very thing that had been stressing her out about him. God, they made an interesting pair.

“Is it just that you cared about him more than me?” he asked with a desperate, sad look in his eyes, and Clarke felt her chest to ache. That wasn’t it at all.

“I was in love with him, Bell,” she admitted, feeling weird saying those words to Bellamy. “And I’d never been in love before. It was easy to just plan a future when you don’t know how badly you could get hurt.”

And then, it all clicked for Clarke. Of course, she and Bellamy were freaking out this time around when they didn’t in their past relationships. Now, they knew exactly how badly they would get hurt when it all fell apart.

She watched Bellamy closely, as he got up and started pacing. She didn’t fix it. And Clarke didn’t know how to fix him this time.

“You’re mad at me,” she whispered, and Bellamy’s face turned into something sharp, that made her nervous.

“I’m not,” he snapped, and Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath.

“Then, what are you mad at?” she asked, before Bellamy stopped pacing to look up at her. She started stepping toward him.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad that I didn’t meet you first.”

Clarke tilted her head, slightly confused as to what that was supposed to mean. She could see the wheels turn in Bellamy’s head, and opted not to interrupt whatever was going on there.

“I’m mad that I didn’t meet you before you met Finn. Or that I didn’t meet you before I met Gina,” he explained, but Clarke was still confused. “That I didn’t meet you years ago before we both got so fucked up,” he said, voice cracking slightly as he spoke, and Clarke could tell he was about to lose it.

“Bell,” she said quickly, grabbing his hands. He didn’t need to keep talking. It was okay. She just needed him to look at her. She was still here. They were okay. She just needed him to know that.

“I never got the chance to be with you in a world where neither of us got broken first,” he finally said, tears dripping down his face. Clarke immediately reached up to press her lips to his, needing him to feel her there.

For all the times that Bellamy said the wrong thing… she couldn’t believe the honesty and beauty in what he just said to her. No one had ever said anything like that to her.

His arms wrapped quickly around her waist, as he pressed his lips harder against hers. Clarke reached up to wipe the tears from his face, ignoring her own. He gripped her even tighter, and Clarke was so grateful for the reminder that he was really here. That he was really with her.

“We’re gonna be okay,” she whispered as they pulled away from each other. He was pushing the hair out of her face, and Clarke knew she probably looked like a mess. She wasn’t used to crying this much.

“I know,” he said, before crashing his lips back into her. He started moving her backwards until she hit the kitchen table, before he picked her up and put her on top of it.

“Bell,” she said as she pushed back.

“I need you, Clarke. Please,” he said with a desperate gravel to his voice, and Clarke’s heart started to ache, as she searched his sad eyes. He cupped her face gently, staring right back into her eyes. Hearing him say that he needed her had an overwhelming effect. It didn’t make her want to run. No, it just reminded her how desperately she needed him too. It wasn’t just want anymore. Clarke needed him.

She melted into him, running her fingers through his hair, as she felt him run his hands up her thighs. Clarke started kissing down his neck, feeling Bellamy pull off her underwear as quickly as he could manage. Clarke started trying to get his pants undone, but she always struggled with this. And it did not help that Bellamy was distracting her by kissing her on that one spot below her ear that always made her toes curl.

“God, I want you, princess,” he growled into her ear, sending chills up her spine. “So beautiful and sexy,” he whispered against her skin, and Clarke finally tugged his pants down.

“I need to feel you, Bell,” she pleaded desperately. The past two days had been hell, with Clarke not knowing where she and Bellamy stood. All she wanted was a confirmation that he was here with her. His words made her feel better, but now she needed to feel him. “Plenty of time for foreplay later. I just need you to fuck me, now,” she begged, and Bellamy’s expression turned dark, before he plunged into her, earning a loud yelp that escaped from her lips.

She threw her arms back around his neck, practically clinging to him like her life depended on it. He held her steadily as he thrust in and out of her at a punishing pace. And, God, it was just what she needed.

He pressed his lips against hers again, and Clarke wasted no time finding his tongue with hers, as she hungrily crashed her lips into his. She didn’t even try to keep her moans quiet, as she let her eager sounds echo through his mouth.

“You feel so good,” she whispered against his chapped lips, loving the feeling of him stretching her out like his as he slammed into her.

“So do you, baby. All nice and tight for me,” he said, voice low, before biting her lip. Bellamy started slowing his pace, before thrusting even harder into her. She was having a hard time keeping her breathing steady as he did this. It was just so much all at once, and Clarke didn’t know if she could make it much longer… not when he was making her feel this good. Then, screams started flying out of her mouth.

“Bell,” she moaned, as she writhed in front of him.

“What do you need, princess?” he asked huskily, and Clarke couldn’t understand how being called princess started feeling sexy. She pulled herself up toward him, pressing a dirty, wet kiss to his lips, as she held onto his face with both of her hands.

“Come inside me. I want to feel you,” she said, desperate for the feeling of him coming done inside her. It was one of her favorite feelings in the world. Bellamy didn’t say anything, but Clarke knew those words were a huge turn on for him. And, he proved her right, when he started slamming himself into her.

Clarke didn’t stand a chance, as she threw her head back, clenching around his cock as she fell apart.

“Bellamy,” she screamed, and she could feel him tighten his grip around her waist. “Fuck, Bell. So good, Bell,” she whimpered, as his thrusts became more sporadic. Then, he crashed his lips into hers, and Clarke could feel him erupt inside her, growling inside her mouth. She tugged herself closer, grinding harder into him as he fell apart for her. And the guttural noises coming out of his throat had never sounded more beautiful.

 

Bellamy literally carried her to bed that night, and it was so cheesy. Clarke teased him mercilessly, but he ignored her.

Even though they had talked everything over, it still felt like they were both continuing to apologize to each other.

Bellamy was more affectionate to Clarke once they were tucked into bed, running his fingers through her hair, and peppering her face with slow kisses. And it felt so nice. He kept doing this, even after the lights were out. Like he was almost afraid to fall asleep.

And Clarke was holding onto him tighter than she normally did, if only to remind herself that he was still here. He hadn’t left yet. And… maybe he wouldn’t leave at all.

She knew Bellamy wished he had met her before they were both broken. And Clarke kind of wished for that too. But, if she had to be broken, she was just happy she got to be broken with Bellamy Blake. Because he never made her feel like she was broken.


	8. A Rapidly Mutating Virus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get this up last night, but apparently drunk me decided to show up. Oops.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy guys. And, as always, let me know what you think! Love ya'll!

She did her best to put off Bellamy having dinner with her mom and Marcus… she really did. And this wasn’t because she was worried they wouldn’t approve. She knew Marcus did based on the way he talked about Bellamy on the phone, and she couldn’t care less if her mom disliked Bellamy… if anything, that would make Clarke like Bellamy even more.

No, Clarke kept putting the dinner off because she was worried that Bellamy wouldn’t like them, and, in turn, realize that maybe Clarke wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to be with. The rational part of her brain knew this was stupid, of course. But, that creeping fear was always there, driving her insane.

And as hard as she tried to keep putting it off, she should have known that life would intervene. That was just the kind of luck she had.

After a few days of fighting with Bellamy about it, Clarke admitted to having a cold. A small cold. It really wasn’t a big deal.

Yet, Bellamy made a huge deal about it, getting angry with her when she would get out of bed. Which is why Bellamy answered the door when her mother showed up unannounced.

“Clarke, your mom is here,” Bellamy shouted, and Clarke jerked up, suddenly panicked. Her mom didn’t just show up places. That wasn’t like her.

Clarke rolled out of bed, throwing on a sweatshirt so her mom couldn’t tell she wasn’t wearing a bra, before walking out into the living room.

“Oh, poor sweetie. Bellamy just told me you’re sick,” her mom said, grabbing her in a hug… which was weird. It wasn’t that her mother didn’t hug her. No, her mother always did… a little too much for Clarke’s taste. But, she normally wouldn’t hug Clarke if she was sick. The two of them were both germaphobes, knowing all too well how quickly disease could spread. This was… new.

“Just a little cold. I’m fine,” Clarke said, smiling weakly. “What brings you here?” Clarke asked, as Bellamy tucked into the kitchen… which she couldn’t blame him. She glanced over at him, knowing that he was just pretending to be busy doing something so he didn’t have to keep talking.

“I was just in the neighborhood and realized I hadn’t stopped by your apartment in a long time,” she replied, and Clarke narrowed her eyes. That didn’t sound right. Her mom didn’t pop in places. “What are you taking? Your face is practically on fire, Clarke,” she said, putting her hand on Clarke’s forehead.

“Just some cold medicine,” Clarke said, but her mother was already walking into her bedroom to go see what she had in her medicine cabinet. Clarke let out a groan, following her. If she had known her mom was going to show up, she would have cleaned her room a bit. The floor was scattered with crumpled up tissues that didn’t make it into the trash can.

“You know who I was talking to yesterday?” her mother asked, as she examined the various medications Clarke had scattered on her counter.

“Mom, I’m a doctor. Can’t you just trust that I also know how to take care of myself when I’m sick?” Clarke groaned, leaning against the bathroom doorway.

“Lorelei Tsing,” her mom answered her own question, ignoring Clarke’s frustration. “She’s opening a fertility clinic in Mt. Weather.” Clarke was having a hard time paying attention, since her brain was kind of foggy.

“You came over to my apartment unannounced to tell me about what Dr. Tsing is up to?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes at her mother.

“She’s looking for a few more doctors,” her mother explained, and suddenly Clarke understood.

“I’m not relocating to Mt. Weather. It’s too far away and my life is here,” Clarke said, crossing her arms. Although, Clarke had to admit this would be a great opportunity for her.

“Just think about it. I mean, what is really keeping you here?” she asked, and Clarke wondered how her mother could even ask her that.

“My friends are here. I like my patients. My boyfriend is here,” Clarke said, suddenly wondering where Bellamy was. He was probably still hiding out in the kitchen… which was smart.

“Wells would visit you. You can get new patients. And you’ve only been dating this guy for a few months. It’s not like you are that serious about him,” she said, and Clarke felt her stomach drop.

“Of course, I’m serious about him,” Clarke snapped, as she closed the bathroom door, stepping in so Bellamy wouldn’t overhear.

“Then, why won’t you let him come over to officially meet me?” her mom asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because you have a tendency to be horrible to the people I date,” Clarke whispered, and her mother rolled her eyes.

“I was great with Finn. I loved Finn,” she pointed out, as if that made Clarke trust her judgement more.

“Well, that worked out great,” Clarke said sarcastically, ignoring the glare her mother was giving her.

“Is it you or him that doesn’t want to come over?” she asked, and Clarke swallowed.

“I don’t,” Clarke said calmly, and she could see the anger start to flood her mother’s eyes, before Abby Griffin stepped around her and walked out of the bathroom. Her mother immediately looked at Clarke’s calendar on the wall, studying it closely, and Clarke knew exactly what she was about to pull. “Don’t you dare,” Clarke warned, as her mom stormed back into the living room.

“Bellamy, do you have plans this Saturday night?” she asked before Clarke could stop her.

“I don’t think so,” Bellamy answered quickly, and Clarke finally made it into her room, shooting him a wide-eyed look. He furrowed his brows at her, looking confused.

“Great. Then, I expect both of you at my house at 7 pm sharp for dinner. Clarke should feel better by then. It was lovely to see you again, Bellamy,” her mother said, before picking up her purse and heading toward the door. Bellamy’s jaw was dropped slightly, as he searched Clarke’s face for an explanation.

“Fuck,” Clarke muttered, clenching her eyes shut as soon as her mom left the apartment.

“Did your mother just trap me into dinner?” Bellamy asked, eyes wide with confusion. Clarke nodded slowly, before throwing herself onto the couch. “Okay, how bad is this going to be?”

“So bad,” Clarke groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes. “Plus, my mom is kind of irritated with me right now. Let’s just hope she doesn’t take that out on you.”

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” Bellamy said as he crossed over into the living room. Clarke moved her arm so that she could narrow her eyes at him. He nudged her to the side so he could sit down, but Clarke put her head in his lap. “I could handle family dinners with Finn Collins. This should be nothing by comparison,” he tried to joke.

“My mom loved Finn. That’s the kind of monster you’re dealing with,” Clarke mumbled.

“Fuck,” Bellamy blurted out, and Clarke started chuckling, as she closed her eyes.

“Will you scratch my back?” she asked weakly.

“Of course, princess,” he said, pulling up her sweatshirt so he could scratch her back. She heard him turn on the tv, and after a few seconds, she heard the score from Galavant, which is her go-to show to watch while sick.

“Such a good boyfriend,” she mumbled, barely keeping her eyes open as Bellamy scratched her back, trying to keep her mind off the clusterfuck that would be dinner at her mother’s house.

 

Of course, Bellamy was nervous, even though he kept trying to deny it.

“Wait, Thelonious Jaha is Wells’ dad?” Bellamy asked, eyes wide.

“You didn’t know that?” she asked as she fixed the clasp on her necklace. She had tried to calm him down by letting him know that Wells would be there since his dad would be there, but that was doing little to keep him calm.

“I think I’d remember that one of my newest friends is the mayor’s son, Clarke,” he snapped, and Clarke let out a breath.

“Look, don’t worry about him. Wells talks you up all the time, so he’s already wanting to like you,” she said before kissing Bellamy on the cheek. Wells was his biggest cheerleader. Clarke wouldn’t be surprised if Thelonious pulled him in for a hug right when they met, considering how much she knew Wells would talk about him. “And, Wells will be a nice buffer to keep my mom from completely interrogating you,” she joked, but Bellamy was too tense to enjoy her sense of humor at the moment.

Eventually, Bellamy moved into the living room, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts for a moment. It wasn’t like she wasn’t nervous. She was terrified. There was just so many things that could go wrong… and considering how Clarke’s luck has been lately, she didn’t expect the universe to give her any favors.

When she walked out of her bedroom, she saw Bellamy pacing in the living room. God, it was sweet how nervous he was, even though he didn’t really have much to be nervous about. He didn’t need to win their approval. As far as Clarke was concerned, it was them that needed to win his approval.

“This is doing it for me, by the way,” Clarke said, snapping Bellamy out of his weird headspace. She did love Bellamy in a nice suit. Not that he didn’t look good all the time… but his suits just fit him so well. And it took everything in her power not to drag him back into their bedroom right this second.

“What? You have a thing for men in suits?” he teased, and Clarke bit her lip, not even trying to hide how she was ogling him.

“I’m gonna need you to dress up for me more often,” she said in a joking tone, although she was absolutely not joking.

“I feel like you’re objectifying me, Clarke,” he said with a mock stern voice, but Clarke knew he loved it.

“You’re kind of asking for it, walking around with that ass,” she deadpanned, and Bellamy really struggled to keep from laughing. They were going to be just fine, she kept telling herself.

 

“I just don’t understand why you won’t at least call Lorelei,” her mother snapped, as she chopped the carrots. Clarke had been dragged into the kitchen, allegedly to help her get dinner ready. Clarke knew what that was code for.

“Because it’s a waste of both of our time. I’m not leaving Arkadia. We’ve been over this,” Clarke snapped back, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m just worried about you. You’ve been in this rut since you and Finn broke up. And I thought that maybe an opportunity like this would help you move on with your life,” she shrugged, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at her mother.

“I have moved on with my life. I literally brought my boyfriend here. Isn’t that evidence enough that I’m moving on?” Clarke asked, throwing herself onto one of the stools on the island.

“But, he’s not the kind of guy you have a future with, Clarke. And I think deep down, you know that.”

“Elaborate, please,” Clarke snapped, just waiting for her mother to finally say exactly what she thinks of Bellamy. She could see it on her face when they ran into her on Valentine’s Day… but she needed to hear it. She put the knife down, before whipping her head around to look at Clarke, looking frustrated.

“I just want you to be happy. And, he’s not really the positive person that Finn was. Maybe you should be looking for someone more like Finn,” she said earnestly, and Clarke wanted to scream.

“Well, Finn turned out to be a total dick,” Clarke snapped a little too loudly, and her mother’s eyes widened.

“How would I know that? It’s not like you ever tell me anything,” she groaned in response.

“Whose fault is that?” Clarke snapped, before Marcus quickly came into the kitchen and shut the door behind him.

“Can this wait until later? We can hear you out there,” Marcus said, looking between the two of them with a confused face.

“Of course,” Clarke said with a forced smile, and Marcus shot her a pleading look. She instantly felt guilty, not wanting to put him in the middle of their drama again. Her entire high school experience was just week after week of Marcus having to intervene in her fights with her mother.

Clarke hopped off the stool, ignoring the furious look on her mother’s face as she walked out of the kitchen, and she could hear Marcus following after her.

“People make mistakes, Clarke,” he whispered, and Clarke swallowed. “No one is perfect.”

“I’ll go find Bellamy and Wells to let them know dinner is almost ready,” Clarke said, ignoring the frustrated look on Marcus’ face.

“Clarke, can we just have one nice dinner? She invited over your new boyfriend because she cares,” Marcus said, leaning against the doorframe.

“She already decided she doesn’t like him. And you know it,” Clarke replied, and Marcus pressed his lips together, nodding slightly. She let out a small groan as she headed for the stairs.

“There you two are,” Clarke said as she found Bellamy and Wells in her old bedroom.

“Just trying to embarrass you by letting your boyfriend see where you were an angsty teenager,” Wells teased, and Clarke stuck her tongue out at him.

“I’m impressed by the walls, princess,” Bellamy said, and Clarke turned her head to look at him. His eyes were wide as he closely studied the intricate design on her walls. She wondered if this was the first time he saw something she painted. She knew that wasn’t the case, since her apartment was literally covered in her artwork. But, he might not know that she painted all of them.

 

“So, Clarke, how did you two even meet?” Marcus asked, as Clarke took another bite of the ham.

“We met at a wedding, and then, just kept bumping into each other,” she replied, leaving out the obscene amount of sex involved in their early courtship.

“Oh, whose wedding?” Thelonious asked, and Clarke’s stomach dropped. Fuck. She knew there was something she was avoiding coming up.

“Finn Collins,” Wells groaned, and Clarke’s eyes widened as she glared at Wells. He knew better than anyone that Clarke didn’t tell her family everything that happened with Finn.

“Finn Collins had a wedding?” her mom asked, not even hiding the outrage from Clarke. Clarke swallowed, kicking herself for thinking she could get away with keeping this part of her life a secret from her.

“Yeah, about six months ago.” Clarke ignored the confused glares from her mother and Marcus, starting to almost feel guilty for not confiding in them about Finn being engaged to someone else. Marcus got his face under control, but her mother couldn’t even begin to hide her fury. “Mom, I think I smell your pie starting to burn,” Clarke said quickly, cuing her mother to go to the kitchen so they could talk.

“Start talking,” her mother snapped as soon as the door was closed.

“Finn and I broke up because he was already engaged to someone else and I was the other woman,” Clarke explained quickly, keeping her eyes fixed on the ground.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me something like that?” she quietly snapped, clearly remembering that they had guests not too far away.

“Because he was the first person I dated that you approved of,” Clarke said, clenching her jaw as she spoke.

“That’s not true.”

“Yeah? Then what the hell is going on with Bellamy? You already decided you didn’t like him,” Clarke continued, crossing her arms.

“Don’t change the subject. I can’t believe you lied to me,” she growled, bracing her hands on both sides of the counter as she glared at Clarke.

“Why not? I learned how to lie from the best,” Clarke snapped, gesturing at her mother.

“That’s not fair,” she snapped, and Clarke knew that her mother knew it was true. It goes much deeper than her mother throwing out her art school acceptance letters so that Clarke would actually pursue becoming a doctor. No, it was years of lying. Telling her that her father died of natural causes, when he clearly didn’t. Telling her that she wasn’t dating Marcus just months after her father died, when it was clear as day that they were already together. Not telling Clarke about her grandfather dying so that she could focus on her midterms.

Her mother was the master of lying. So, she shouldn’t be surprised when Clarke started lying back to her.

“I didn’t tell you because I expected you to somehow blame me for it. After all, you fucking loved Finn Collins,” Clarke growled, and her mother pressed her lips together angrily.

“Well, he was a better fit for you than this Bellamy guy,” she muttered.

“I will leave this house right now and never come back,” Clarke threatened, crossing her arms, and her mom let out a frustrated sigh.

“What do you want me to say, Clarke? You accuse me of being a liar, then get mad when I tell you how I feel about this new boyfriend of yours. I can’t win here.”

“You’re right. I need you to start lying to me again,” Clarke muttered, closing her eyes for just a moment.

“Clarke,” her mother snapped.

“No, you are going to go back in there and be as sweet as you can be to Bellamy. And if you want me to ever come back here, you are going to sell it. I want to be convinced that you are thrilled about my boyfriend,” Clarke ordered as she started pacing.

“Clarke, come on.”

“And tomorrow, you’re gonna call me and tell me what a great boyfriend I’ve found and how happy you are for me. And I don’t really care if it’s all lies. I really don’t,” Clarke said, feeling a few tears start to build up in her eyes. “You’re gonna lie to me because it’s what I need to hear.” She didn’t care if her mom lied to her every day for the rest of her life, if it meant that Clarke could feel like she was being supported for once. Because, Clarke was so fucking happy with Bellamy. She started picturing a future with him, and she couldn’t have anyone else putting their doubtful thoughts into her head.

“Clarke, you can’t be serious,” her mom said, walking around the counter to grab her arm.

“Get back out there,” Clarke ordered, gesturing toward the door. Her mom shot her a confused glance, but reluctantly started walking toward the door. Clarke took a deep breath, wiping her eyes slightly, as she followed her back into the dining room.

“I would try to hug her and she would push me away and be all, ‘I’m not marrying you. I don’t care what my dad says,’” Wells said as everyone else started laughing.

“Are you two talking about Clarke being married off to Wells?” her mother asked as they walked back into the dining room, and Clarke rolled her eyes. She should be startled at how quickly her mom snapped out of being a bitch, but she didn’t really care. At least it didn’t look like they were fighting.

“Yes, and how freaked out she would get,” Marcus explained, as Clarke made her way back to her seat. Apparently, she wasn’t as good at masking her feelings as her mother, because Bellamy was studying her closely.

 

“Are we going to talk about the fact that you never told your mom about Finn?” Bellamy asked as they drove back to her apartment. Clarke let out a sigh, resting her head against the window.

“My mom just has this ability to say the absolute last thing I need to hear. I was hearing so much horrible shit from my own friends and from Raven’s friends… I didn’t need to hear the same horrible things come out of my own mother’s mouth,” Clarke mumbled, shaking her head slightly.

“But, what Finn did wasn’t your fault,” Bellamy pointed out, and Clarke refrained from pointing out that Bellamy jumped to similar conclusions about her when they first met.

“Yeah, but she’d spin it in a way that it would seem like it was my fault. And I already beat myself up over it enough,” Clarke groaned, and Bellamy pressed his lips together, nodding.

“Tonight wasn’t as fun as my family dinners,” Bellamy smirked, changing the subject.

“Nothing could be,” Clarke said with a smirk, and Bellamy reached over to grab her hand. She ran her thumb over the top of his hand, as he kept his eyes focused on the road.

“Well, we survived tonight. So, I think we’ll be okay,” he teased with a small grin on his face. Clarke rolled her eyes. “And now, I have enough embarrassing Clarke stories to last me a lifetime.”

“Oh, God. What did Wells tell you?” Clarke groaned, and Bellamy just started chuckling.

“Not telling, princess.”

 

When they got back to her apartment, Bellamy immediately started to loosen his tie.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He tilted his head in confusion.

“I’m about to get undressed,” he said slowly, his eyes studying her closely. She started to pout slightly, and Bellamy looked even more confused at that reaction.

“You just look so sexy in your suit,” Clarke said as she crossed over to him, tugging his tie slightly, biting her lip as she looked up at him.

“This is really a thing for you, isn’t it?” he asked with a smirk, and she nodded. “Well, I guess I can keep the suit on for a bit longer,” he teased before leaning down to press a slow kiss to Clarke’s lips. She melted into him, gripping his shoulders, as his hands found the small of her back. He bit gently on her bottom lip, and Clarke closed her eyes, focusing on how great it felt to have Bellamy like this.

Clarke started running her hands up and down his chest, feeling his muscles through his shirt, as Bellamy started kissing her below the ear. Clarke thought back to earlier that day, when Bellamy walked in on her. It was so hot, to have him watch her as she watched him. And now that she was alone with him again, she couldn’t help but feel like that wasn’t enough. She needed him again.

She started pushing him toward the bed, letting the back of his legs hit the edge before she knocked him onto the mattress. She tugged off her heels before climbing on top of him. He watched her closely, jaw twitching as she crawled over him.

“What has gotten into you?” he teased, as Clarke started biting him just below his jaw. He gripped her waist tightly, while his other hand gripped onto her hair.

“I just want you,” Clarke said against his skin, before pressing a wet kiss to his throat. She glanced up at Bellamy who had his eyes closed with a small smile on his face. Clarke was going to make him feel so good. He lowered the hand that was on her waist to start pulling up her dress, and then he gripped her ass tightly.

Clarke moaned against his skin, still kissing and biting up and down his neck. Her legs were straddles around him, and she could feel his erection start to poke her stomach. She lowered herself a bit, slowly grinding on him, earning a few sweet sighs from his lips.

“Maybe I do need to start dressing up for you more,” Bellamy teased, and Clarke leaned up to press another kiss to his lips, this one dirtier than the last as her tongue plunged into his mouth. Bellamy still had a tight hold of her hair, and gripped her tighter as his tongue found hers. Clarke whimpered into his mouth at the sensation, loving how possessive Bellamy could be in the bedroom. He gripped her tightly, as if to remind her that she’s his… and God, it turned her on.

She let one of her hands travel down his body, carefully tracing the muscles on his chest, before tracing the outline of his cock over his pants. Bellamy grunted into her mouth, and Clarke knew he was just turned on enough to let Clarke do whatever she wanted. And tonight, Clarke wanted to take care of him.

She slid off him, loving the sad whimper that came out his mouth from the loss of contact. “You’re fine,” she reassured with a smirk, as she let both of her hands grip his thighs. Bellamy’s eyes flew open as he raised an eyebrow at her, while Clarke slid her hands up his thighs.

“Clarke,” he said, voice low and husky as he studied her closely. Clarke had begun to unbutton the top of his pants, hearing him suck in a breath as she reached the zipper.

“Yeah, Bell?” she asked, biting her lip as her hand traced his cock through his boxers.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned, closing his eyes quickly.

“Soon, I promise,” she teased as she began freeing his cock from the fabric. She ran her fingers up and down his cock, barely touching it… just teasing him a bit.

“Damnit, Clarke,” he growled, starting to sit up, but Clarke pushed him back down with her other hand.

“Be good for me, Bell,” she said with her eyes wide, trying to look as innocent as she possibly could, before leaning down and running her tongue across the head. She glanced back up at him, seeing a hungry look in his eyes. She smirked, before turning her attention back to his throbbing cock.

She wrapped her lips around it, letting her tongue taste him. She felt Bellamy’s hand start to tug on her hair slightly. She leans in further, trying to fit as much of him in her small mouth as she could, before sliding back up. She repeated this a few times, keeping a nice slow pace. She was lost in the taste of him, combined with how urgently he gripped onto her and how desperate his moans sounded. She had him right where she wanted him.

“Your lips feel so good, princess,” he murmured breathily, as she hummed around him. Bellamy began moving hips upward slightly, thrusting into her mouth. Both of her hands gripped his hips tightly, trying to hold him in place as she continues, tongue hot against his cock.

“Clarke, please,” he said, voice pleading. Clarke was honestly surprised Bellamy had let things go on like this for so long. For them, sex was always a battle of who was in control, but Clarke almost always let Bellamy take over. She loved how sexily he would command her, how he would take charge of her pleasure. Occasionally, she had moments like tonight where she would take charge, and she knew it drove Bellamy insane. She knew she would eventually give in and let him have his way with her, but she wanted to make him fight her for it.

Clarke pulled her mouth off his cock, letting her hands stroke him while she studied his face. “Please, what?” She kept her eyes on him, as she pressed small kisses to his cock.

“I need to touch you, baby,” he growled, before Clarke took him all the way in her mouth again, earning a strangled moan that escaped from his throat. He gripped her hair tighter as he pulled her head back, forcing Clarke to look at him, although she couldn’t hide her smirk. “Clarke, I’m going to fuck you.”

She raised an eyebrow, as her hands started gripping him as she pumped faster. “I’m not stopping you,” she teased, knowing that she was. She kept interrupting him, distracting him. And she knew it was driving him insane. Bellamy’s jaw twitched as he watched her eyes closely, and Clarke didn’t dare remover her eyes from his.

He started sitting up, still holding onto Clarke’s hair tightly so she couldn’t finish the job. He pulled her face toward his so he could press a searing kiss to her lips, growling into her mouth as she continued to caress his hardness.

“Did you really think I was going to let you tease me tonight?” Bellamy whispered against her lips, as his other hand moved up her thigh. Clarke playfully bit his bottom lip, feeling Bellamy push her dress up. “Stand up for me, princess,” he ordered, and Clarke immediately obeyed, feeling chills go up her spine.

Bellamy stood up too, turning her around so her back was to him, as he pushed her hair to the side so he could start kissing her neck. Clarke let out a sweet sigh, feeling him pressed up against her back as his lips suckled on her throat. His hands started travelling down her body, as he started to tug her panties off.

“Bellamy,” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna tease you,” he murmured against her skin, before breaking away to pull her panties to the ground. Clarke stepped out of them, leaning back against Bellamy as she did. Then, Bellamy started pushing her toward the bed. “Elbows and knees, princess,” he ordered, and Clarke swallowed, already overwhelmed at the thought of what he was about to do to her.

She looked over her shoulder as Bellamy climbed into bed behind her. He loosened his tie slightly, biting his lip as he looked at her… and it was easily the sexiest thing she had ever seen. His hands started palming her ass as he made eye contact with her, smirking.

“Please,” Clarke begged, which only made his smirk grow.

He entered her with very little warning, and it knocked the breath right out of Clarke. She could feel his body drape over hers as his thrusts sped up. She swallowed, before feeling Bellamy’s hand rest on her throat. He wasn’t gripping tightly or anything, but it felt nice just having his hand rest there.

“You feel so good around me, Clarke,” he grunted into her ear, and Clarke reached back to grip onto his hair. Clarke was panting, overwhelmed by how Bellamy was stretching her out. She was ready for him, of course. She had been soaking wet for a while now, imagining Bellamy taking her like this while still fully dressed.

He sped up his thrusts, now slamming into her as she moaned _fuck_ and _Bell_ over and over. His lips were right by her ear, and Clarke could hear his heavy breathing so well.

“So good,” he whimpered, and Clarke knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

“Bell, come for me,” she begged, and he bit her earlobe slightly. His hand snuck down her, finding her clit with her thumb. He started rubbing furiously, as he started pounding into her even harder. Clarke swallowed, closing her eyes, focusing only on the feeling of Bellamy on her skin.

“So beautiful when you come for me, Clarke. Please come for me,” he begged, and Clarke lost it, clenching around his cock as she had a hard time seeing straight.

She screamed his name, clenching her eyes shut as he pounded into her, feeling him lose himself too as he came undone inside of her.

Clarke must have spaced out, because when she blinked her eyes open, she was tucked into Bellamy’s chest as he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead repeatedly.

“Fuck,” Clarke whispered, and she could feel Bellamy’s chuckle echo throughout his body.

“God, you’re so incredible, Clarke,” he said, and Clarke glanced up to see him beaming down at her, with such tenderness in his eyes. She smiled softly, letting her fingers run up and down his chest.

“If you want to take the suit off now, I’ll let you,” Clarke teased, and Bellamy snorted loudly. She bit her lip as she looked back at him, seeing him struggle to keep from laughing.

“You really weren’t lying when you said this was doing it for you,” he said, laughing as he shook his head.

“Makes you want to dress up for me more, doesn’t it?” she teased, and he swallowed before nodding.

Eventually, Bellamy got up to get undressed, and Clarke did the same. She snuck her favorite of Bellamy’s shirts out of his drawer, before tugging it over her head. It didn’t take Bellamy long to notice, though, as he rolled his eyes while climbing into bed after her.

Her head took its usual spot on his chest as his arm snaked around her. Bellamy fell asleep quickly, but Clarke had too much on her mind. She was looking forward to her turn on Sunday Funday tomorrow, and was hoping Bellamy would bring Raven. She hoped that her mother would wait a few days before reaching out to Clarke.

Despite how miserable dinner with her parents was, Clarke was determined this would be a good week. She would see all her friends tomorrow, and in a few days Octavia would have her baby… which of course would be the most important baby Clarke had ever delivered. And, Bellamy has been such a sweet boyfriend lately. He took good care of her while she was sick, and he took tonight like a champ, hardly seeming phased as her mother interrogated him.

Her mother was just a hiccup. Clarke loved her new life. And it was becoming harder and harder to ignore how big of a part of that was Bellamy’s doing.


	9. Sunday Funday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, more fluffy than angsty. Next chapter the angst will come back swinging hard, dudes. So, get ready. 
> 
> I'm gonna try to wrap this fic up this weekend. I have another fic in the works, but I need to finish the one I started before I can get to that one. So, expect some updates coming at you guys.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for all the feedback. Love you guys. You're all wonderful, beautiful creatures.

“She fucking said that?” Wells snapped, and Clarke let out a groan before getting a paper towel to wipe up the juice he just spilled.

“Oh, yes. It’s like she just assumed we weren’t serious because I didn’t want Bellamy to meet her,” Clarke muttered.

“If anything, that’s a sign that you are serious about him. So serious that you fought off your mom for months,” Wells joked, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Like, how could she say that? She literally showed up at my apartment when Bellamy was taking care of me while I had that cold. That screams serious, right?” Clarke groaned, and Wells pressed his lips together, nodding. She had been waiting all morning to get over to Wells’ apartment so that she could vent. She didn’t want to let Bellamy know exactly what her mother said since she didn’t want to upset him over something that really didn’t matter.

“Husband material right there,” Wells said, and Clarke shot him a glare. “Nope. You don’t get to get all commitment phobic on me right now. Bellamy cured you. That nonsense is officially over,” Wells said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“How’s your love life going?” Clarke asked with a smirk, and Wells made a pouty face.

“Low blow, bitch,” he muttered and Clarke burst out laughing.

“So, it was a no go with Tinder rando?”

“I thought all the stuff he wrote about being into the outdoors and being adventurous was just what everyone wrote to seem interesting. But, he’s like really into hiking and other outdoorsy shit,” Wells said with a sour face, pulling out the bacon from the fridge. “And I don’t really want to have adventures. I just want someone to make out with and ultimately become a boring married couple who never goes out with.”

“You want to be one of the sweater people?” Clarke teased, but Wells nodded, pressing his lips together.

 

“Hey, how’s she doing?” Clarke asked when Bellamy walked into the kitchen. She insisted that he brought Raven to Sunday Funday, since Bellamy was so worried about her since she left Finn. Clarke was a little nervous about it, but she always liked Raven. And they were bound to have something in common since Finn dated them both.

“She’s good. I think. Today will be good for her,” he sighed.

“Damn right she will. It’s my turn,” Clarke said excitedly, and Bellamy started chuckling. He bent down to kiss her forehead.

“You gonna tell me what’s on your list?” he asked with a cute pouty face… and Clarke was tempted to tell him. Just a little bit, at least.

“Fuck no. You gotta wait and see, just like everyone else,” she replied, and Bellamy started groaning. “Want to help me set the table?”

“Honestly, no,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her. Then, Clarke started pouting, making sure to make her bottom lip quiver slightly. “Fine,” he groaned, throwing his head back. “But, I get a kiss first,” he teased, smirking. Clarke let out a giggle before pulling him down by the collar for a long kiss.

 

“Alright, guys. Since it’s my turn, I’m making us bring back my favorite tradition,” Clarke said excitedly. Raven and Bellamy started looking at each other with a confused expression, which only made Clarke more excited.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Clarke,” Roan groaned as he put his head down on the table. Clarke glanced over to Jasper who looked just as thrilled as she did. She nodded at him, and Roan started groaning louder.

“Sunday Funday,” Jasper started with a giddy expression on his face.

“Better than a Monday,” everyone else joined in. Harper was clapping and Wells was drumming on the table. “Can only do it one way, and that is the drunk way!” Clarke kept chanting along, keeping an eye on Bellamy and Raven who looked very amused.

Roan kept groaning, but they only got louder with every time they repeated the chant.

Today was going to be a great day, Clarke decided. The best day.

 

Clarke really shouldn’t have worried about Raven fitting in on Sunday Funday. Sometimes, Clarke forgets how wonderful her friends really are. Raven already knew Jasper and Monty well, and Luna warmed up to her really quickly. Raven seemed to be having a great time. And Clarke was relieved. Plus, Bellamy seemed more relaxed now that Raven was all smiles, which also made Clarke feel a lot better.

“Watching you run around this place is like watching a toddler,” Bellamy joked as he followed her through one of the treehouses. Clarke’s first thing on the list was a park that was covered in treehouses to climb in. Her dad used to take her here a lot, so it was pretty special to her. Plus, based on the squealing and general giddiness coming out of her friends, she’d say she nailed the first stop.

“Is not. I’m having fun, old man,” she teased, and Bellamy grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back slightly into his chest. “Bell,” she giggled, as he started pressing fast kisses to her cheek.

“I’m not an old man,” he said in a mock stern tone, and Clarke started laughing even harder.

“Sure, you’re not,” she teased as she broke away, before running toward the slide as Bellamy chased after her.

 

“You and Bellamy looked super couple-y at the park,” Roan observed with a smirk, as Clarke took another bite of her ice cream.

“Well, we’re a couple,” she said with a shrug, and Roan raised an eyebrow.

“I know that, Clarke,” he replied, narrowing his eyes at her. “I’ve just never seen you this serious about someone.”

Clarke tilted her head in confusion, but Roan kept his eyes focused on hers. “I was pretty serious about Finn.”

“Not like this. You seem actually happy,” he said before something behind Clarke caught his eye. “Son of a bitch,” he groaned, and Clarke whipped her head around to see Finn walking toward the ice cream parlor. “Clarke, you should go toward the back.” Clarke glanced over at where Bellamy and Raven were sitting and laughing, and Clarke knew Finn wasn’t there for her. He was there for Raven. He stopped trying to bother Clarke a while ago, meanwhile all he did was harass Raven. She tried to think if anyone had posted a check in on Facebook or Instagram, but she hadn’t been tagged. He must have found Raven by tracking her phone.

“Nope. I’m talking to him,” Clarke snapped as she quickly walked across the room to where Bellamy and Raven were sitting. “Hey, not to alarm you, Raven, but Finn just walked in,” Clarke said, gesturing her head toward the front door. Raven’s eyes grew wide with panic, and Clarke’s chest started to ache for her. Clarke remembered all too well what this felt like. Clarke swallowed before quickly walking away from them and toward Finn. Finn’s eyes grew wide when he saw Clarke, which meant he had no idea she would be here too.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Finn?” she snapped, as Roan and Wells hopped up from their chairs and followed her.

“I just happened to come by here, Clarke,” Finn snapped back with a harsh tone. “Now, excuse me while I go talk to Raven.”

“No, you tracked her fucking phone. It’s creepy and you should get the fuck out,” she growled as quietly as she could. Honestly, she didn’t care if she made a scene. She wasn’t the one with a restraining order against her.

“Clarke, I just want to talk to her,” he pleaded, as if in a million years Clarke would let this asshole anywhere near Raven.

“Tough shit. She doesn’t want to talk to you. The only way you’re supposed to communicate with her is through your attorney,” Clarke said as calmly as she could, crossing her arms and smirking.

“Finn, what the fuck are you doing here?” she heard Bellamy snap, and Clarke couldn’t help but smirk at how Finn flinched at the sound of Bellamy’s voice. But, Clarke had this one. And she didn’t want Finn getting scared off before she finally got to put this little bitch in his place one last time. Clarke stuck up her hand, so Bellamy knew she had this one.

“All I’m here to do is to have a civil conversation with my wife. This has nothing to do with you,” Finn snapped, looking at Bellamy before returning his attention to Clarke. She swallowed, wondering how Finn could be so stupid as to come in here where Clarke was… given the actions she had already taken against him.

“Actually, it does since I filed my restraining order against you four months ago. Which, by coming here, you are currently in violation of,” she explained with the fakest smile she could muster. “But, you already knew that, since this isn’t the first time.” She could hear Wells sighing behind her, but Clarke really didn’t have the time to look back and see what that was about.

“That’s an overreaction Clarke,” he said as he narrowed his eyes at her, taking a step toward her. Well, Finn certainly has balls, she’ll give him that.

“Maybe. Doesn’t change the fact that until you stop harassing Raven, I’m sticking by her side so that you can’t come anywhere near her,” she growled with the most threatening voice she could muster.

“Clarke, if you don’t stop, I swear to God…”

“Oh, are you going to threaten me in front of all these witnesses?” she asked, thrilled that he finally said something that stupid. She gestured to her friends behind her, smiling at the furious look on Finn’s face. “Because it sounds like you’re about to threaten me, while violating the restraining order I have against you.”

“Go to Hell, Clarke.”

Clarke burst out laughing at the idea that somehow Finn thought he could still get under her skin. Did he not realize that he was nothing to her? Just an annoying memory that wouldn’t leave her alone.

“Oh, sweetie, you forget that I was your girlfriend for six months and repeatedly had to fake orgasms to stroke your ego,” she said with a huge smirk, suddenly grateful that she had yet to fake an orgasm with Bellamy. “So, not only have I been to Hell, I’ve also been bored and thoroughly disappointed there,” she said, before basking in the amused reactions from her friends behind her.

Finn stood there, eyes wide and mouth agape. Clarke recalled how her mother bitched out her high school history teacher who had been overly harsh with Clarke, how Abby Griffin stuck her chin up and looked him up and down like he was nothing. It’s the best thing her mother ever taught her. How to properly put someone in their place.

Clarke tilted her head up, pursing her lips as gave Finn a once over, making sure she looked bored as she did. “You can go now,” she said, waving him off.

“Clarke.”

“Roan, for how many minutes has Finn been violating the restraining order?” Clarke asked with a shrug, and Finn’s eyes widened.

“Almost six. I’d take off if I were you,” Roan snapped as he stepped in front of Clarke. Finn shot her another look, but Clarke kept the same bored expression, not willing to give him a moment more of her attention.

“Alright, guys,” Clarke started as she turned around, ignoring the strange faces everyone was giving her. “Let’s finish up, because there’s a sexy fireman at the Drop Ship waiting to give Monty another lap dance,” she said with a wink, and Jasper burst out laughing.

She glanced over at Raven, who didn’t seem too shaken. Bellamy had walked back over to her, probably checking on how she’s doing.

“Still not as bad as with Ontari,” Wells teased, and Clarke turned around to glare at him.

“I wasn’t even that bad with Ontari,” she groaned, throwing her head back. She grabbed her purse off the table and threw her cup away.

“Yes, you were. That’s why she punched you, Clarke,” Wells said with a smirk.

“He’s got a point,” Luna jumped in, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at Wells.

“That bitch had it coming. And you’re welcome for that by the way,” she snapped.

“Long live Momma Clarke,” Wells teased, and Luna burst out laughing.

“Last time I defend your honor,” Clarke joked, and Wells accidentally snorted.

 

If Monty didn’t think Clarke had the balls to send a stripper over to him, he had another thing coming. She was sitting at the bar, watching her friends gather around Monty, knowing all too well what was about to happen.

“He’s going to kill you,” Roan said, as he plopped down next to Clarke.

“I’m teaching him a lesson. He always bitches when I get to make a list. Maybe another lap dance will shut him up,” she said with a smirk before taking a sip of her beer.

“You’re all about putting people in their place today, apparently,” Roan said before ordering himself a beer.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Clarke shrugged, keeping her eyes on Monty who shot her a furious glare as the fireman approached him. She heard Jasper let out an excited squeal before running across the room to get a better view.

“Not too long ago, running into Finn like that would have messed you up for a whole day. Can’t help but notice that you seem fine,” Roan observed, patting Clarke on the shoulder. She tilted her head and looked at him. Now that she thought about it, she realized that Roan was kind of right. The whole incident with Finn at the fundraiser messed her up for days. But, right now, Clarke felt absolutely nothing.

Well, she felt angry. But, it wasn’t for herself anymore. She was angry that Finn thought he could just harass women like Raven with no consequence. That he was so arrogant that he wasn’t respecting the restraining order. But, not because he broke her heart. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

“I guess he just doesn’t bother me that much anymore,” she said with a shrug, before taking another sip of her beer.

“Probably helps that you’re in love with someone else now,” Roan said, and Clarke started choking on her drink, shooting him a wide-eyed look.

“I’m not in love with Bellamy,” she snapped quickly, and Roan furrowed his eyebrows at her.

“Interesting,” he said, as the bartender brought him his beer.

“What do you mean ‘interesting?’” Clarke asked, and Roan just shrugged, taking a sip of his drink.

“I probably misread something, then. Forget I said anything,” he said with his eyes focused back on Monty.

“Yeah, you probably did. God, I’ve only been dating him for three months,” Clarke said, swallowing, and Roan started smirking at her.

“But, you’ve been sleeping with him for six,” he said with a raised eyebrow. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“What are you trying to say, Roan?” Clarke snapped, and Roan turned around to look right at Clarke.

“That you’re gone. And that’s okay,” he said, and Clarke swallowed again, now looking down at her hands. Clarke knew it was too early for her to be in love with Bellamy. They were close, sure. But that didn’t mean things were that serious. And she could see herself loving Bellamy. But, she couldn’t say those words just yet.

 

“Only you would take us to a strip club, and then a classy art museum, princess,” Bellamy teased as his arm snaked around her waist. Clarke smirked, as she kept her eyes focused on the abstract painting in front of her.

“I feel like it describes me very well,” Clarke joked, and she could feel Bellamy chuckle next to her.

“You know, Wells told me last night that you don’t know how to swim. How the fuck did I not know that?” he asked, with a focused expression on his face. Clarke started grinning, not sure how that would have even come up in a conversation.

“Didn’t come up. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a mysterious person,” Clarke teased, and Bellamy rolled his eyes. She hadn’t spent as much of this Sunday Funday with him as she normally did. But, he seemed pretty focused on making sure that Raven was doing okay, so Clarke couldn’t really blame him. “Hey, how is Raven doing? I know that run-in with Finn couldn’t have been easy,” she continued, and Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows as he studied Clarke’s face closely.

“She’s actually fine, since she didn’t even have to talk to him, thanks to you,” he said in a strange tone. He didn’t seem happy, which was confusing. He seemed almost worried, which made no sense to Clarke. If Raven was doing fine, why was he acting like this?

“Oh, I’ve been waiting to get that chance for a while now,” Clarke smirked, thinking back on the nice high she got from bitching Finn out. It was really cathartic.

“Are you okay, though?” he asked, and Clarke’s head shot up, confused as to why he would ask that. Of course, Clarke was fine. “I mean, I know it’s hard for you too,” he followed up.

“Actually, it wasn’t,” she responded quickly, ignoring what Roan said to her at the Dropship. “It was fun to go off on him, because he has been asking for it. But, I didn’t feel anything really,” Clarke shrugged, before remembering why Roan thought that was. She swallowed, reminding herself that Roan had no idea what he was talking about. Clarke and Bellamy weren’t in love. That was ridiculous.

“Clarke, you know it’s okay for you to tell me that seeing Finn upset you, right?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke pressed her lips together, trying to make sense of Bellamy. Then, it clicked. He was worried about Clarke, which seemed ridiculous to her. He should know that Clarke would be fine around Finn. She was with Bellamy, and Finn was just a part of her distant past.

She pulled him by the hand toward the next painting as she explained, “He doesn’t upset me, anymore. He’s just a bad memory these days. I was more just mad that he is still harassing Raven.” Bellamy shot her a strange look, before quickly snapping out of it.

“Is that why Harper referred to you as Momma Clarke?” he teased, and Clarke started groaning loudly. She didn’t even hear Harper call her that. She was sick and tired of her friends dragging out that annoying nickname.

“Ugh, won’t they just let that nickname die already?” she groaned, before seeing Wells. “You,” she snapped, as Wells tilted his head in confusion. “Because of you, ‘Momma Clarke’ is still a thing in this group.”

 

“Favorite TV show?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke wondered where all of this was coming from. Bellamy had been basically interrogating her at Grounders, because, apparently, he didn’t know Clarke couldn’t swim and is now freaking out over what he doesn’t know about her.

“Gilligan’s Island.”

“They never get off the island, Clarke,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

“No, they get off the island in the movie, and then went on a cruise to celebrate, and ended up back on the same island,” she corrected, and Bellamy started laughing at her.

“You are ridiculous,” he said, and Clarke playfully hit him on the arm.

“Get over it. You’re stuck with me.”

“You’re stuck with me too, princess,” he reminded her.

“Nah, I was thinking about gone girling you,” she joked, and Bellamy leaned into her to bury his face in her neck as he laughed.

“Hey, Clarke. I’m about to take off,” Wells said, walking up to them. He gave Bellamy a weird look as Bellamy tried to get his laughter under control.

“Just told him my plan to gone girl him,” Clarke filled him in, and Wells just shook his head.

“It was nice knowing you, Bellamy,” Wells said, patting him on the back. Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

The week Lincoln and Octavia’s baby was born was absolute hell for Clarke. She was incredibly sleep deprived, after one of her favorite patients went into labor in the middle of the night, while another was scheduled for the very next morning. Clarke had one of her colleagues fill in for her appointments so she could go home for a few hours to sleep.

She felt bad because the most she saw Bellamy that week was the day Octavia went into labor. Clarke spent that entire eight-hour labor very caffeinated, occasionally having to go into the bathroom to splash cold water on her face.

But, it was all worth it. Little baby Augustus was so worth it. Clarke almost teared up as she placed him into Lincoln’s arms for the first time. Augustus looked so much like him.

Unfortunately, Clarke didn’t have as much time as she would have liked to stay with Octavia and Lincoln, since she had to step away to check on another patient.

By the third time she came back into Octavia’s room, she finally spotted Bellamy who was giddily holding Augustus. Clarke glanced over at Octavia who was barely keeping her eyes open. Bellamy was too focused on the baby to notice that Clarke had walked in, which was absolutely adorable. She knew Bellamy had a big soft spot for kids, especially because he has acted as a de facto father for Octavia. But, seeing it was something else. There was a soft tenderness there that Clarke wasn’t used to.

Eventually, Bellamy did notice Clarke was there, and smiled softly at her as she walked up to him.

“Have you held him yet?” he asked, and Clarke had to press her lips together to keep from giggling at that question.

“Technically, I was the first,” she reminded him, and Bellamy bit his lip to keep from laughing too loud. Clarke settled down on the arm of the chair Bellamy was sitting in, putting her hand on the back of Bellamy’s neck.

“He looks so much like Lincoln,” Bellamy said, looking back at Augustus. Clarke leaned in, looking at the cute little baby.

“He still fought me on his way out. That’s all Octavia,” Clarke said with a smirk, and Bellamy started grinning even bigger. Clarke glanced over at Octavia, who was sleepily watching her and Bellamy with Augustus. “How are you feeling?” Clarke asked, trying to sound more like a friend and less like a doctor.

“I’m so fucking tired. But happy. And tired,” she mumbled, and Clarke nodded.

“Your mom did such a good job giving birth to you,” Bellamy whispered to the baby in a soft voice, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at him. “And your Aunt Clarke helped.”

Clarke swallowed, still not used to that title. If Bellamy noticed her flinch at that, he didn’t say anything. Clarke immediately felt bad about getting worked up about that. It’s just what people do. Their close friends become aunts or uncles of their kids. But, she couldn’t help but still be a little skittish about these symbols of seriousness. This evidence that Clarke was very much entrenched in Bellamy’s life. It wasn’t a bad thing. She was happy with where she and Bellamy were. But, it was still terrifying once it was pointed out to her.

 

At the end of the week when Clarke got back to her apartment, she didn’t even make it to her bed. She collapsed on the couch, falling asleep almost immediately.

She woke up to the feeling of being picked up. She blinked her eyes open to see Bellamy carrying her toward her bed.

“Thanks, Bell,” she mumbled, leaning her head against his chest as he carried her.

“I’ve got you, princess,” he said, as he gently set her down on her bed. Clarke closed her eyes again, feeling Bellamy tug off her shoes. She was so exhausted, it was almost like she was drunk. All she wanted to do was lie down and rest. She could feel Bellamy running his hands through her hair, and she barely mustered enough energy to open her tired eyes. “Have you eaten, Clarke?” he asked, and Clarke furrowed her brows, not remembering when she last ate.

“Not in a while,” she mumbled, closing her eyes again as she turned onto her side. She felt a shift in the bed, as Bellamy sat down next to her, now rubbing her back.

“You’re a mess,” he muttered, and Clarke started chuckling.

“Come cuddle,” Clarke mumbled, patting the bed next to her. She opened her eyes to see him pressing his lips together, studying her closer. Eventually, he gave in and laid down beside her. “You’re so warm,” she whispered as she buried her face into his neck. His fingers were combing through her hair, as he occasionally kissed the top of her head.

She slowly fell back asleep, focusing on the soothing sound of Bellamy breathing.


	10. Try Real Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one, dudes. Then, I'll be taking a little writing break as I plan out my next fic (yeah, that's right. I got another idea in the works. I actually have three)
> 
> Anyways, angst angst angst. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think. Love ya'll. Hit me up on tumblr @asroarke

“You’re a fucking cheat,” Wells snapped, and Clarke rolled her eyes, unlocking her door.

“How the fuck would I cheat at trivia?” she groaned, as she walked in. She noticed her lights were already on, which meant Bellamy was probably here.

“Probably checking your phone or something. Or you’ve been studying again,” Wells said, narrowing his eyes at Clarke as he stormed past her.

“Am I missing something?” Bellamy asked as he stepped out of their room, rubbing his eyes slightly. Clarke felt bad as she looked at the clock, realizing how late it had gotten.

“Yeah, your fucking girlfriend has been studying for trivia,” Wells groaned.

“If by studying, you mean reading and learning, then yes, I have been. You should try it some time,” she said with a smirk, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“That’s it. We’re settling this right now,” Wells said, tugging off his jacket and throwing it on the couch.

“I think we just did, when I kicked your ass,” she teased, but Wells was not having it.

“If you thought she was cheating before, what is to stop her now?” Bellamy asked, narrowing his eyes at Wells, tilting his head slightly.

“Easy. You’re going to take both of our phones,” Wells said, yanking Clarke’s phone from her hand. Clarke let out a groan, throwing herself down on the couch.

“Excuse Wells. He’s been drinking and he’s a sore loser,” Clarke muttered, and Wells dropped his jaw, outraged.

“Go get your laptop. You’re gonna quiz us,” Wells ordered, and Bellamy threw his head back groaning before walking back into their bedroom.

“I’m sure Bellamy would much rather go to bed,” Clarke said, raising an eyebrow at Wells, who just narrowed his eyes back at her.

“He can go to bed as soon as this is settled.”

Clarke and Wells seated themselves on opposite sides of the couch, as Bellamy sat on the edge of the coffee table, sleepily pulling up questions.

“What is another word for Lexicon?” Bellamy asked, looking at Wells with an unamused expression.

“Dictionary,” Wells said quickly, smirking at Clarke. Then, Bellamy turned his attention to Clarke.

“Who invented the rabies vaccination?”

“Louis Pasteur,” she replied, not even looking at Wells. He was being a baby about this, and she wasn’t going to stoop to his level.

“What is the world’s longest river?” Bellamy asked Wells, and Clarke let out a groan. That was such an easy question.

“Amazon.”

“Clarke, what is the capital city of Spain?” Bellamy asked, blinking a few times.

“Madrid.”

“Wells, who is the director of the Lord of the Rings trilogy?”

“How the fuck would I know that?” Wells snapped, before looking over at Clarke who just shrugged.

“Peter Jackson, good God,” Bellamy groaned before scrolling down on his laptop.

“Clarke, what color is a Himalayan poppy?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, wondering where the fuck he was getting these questions from.

“She has no idea,” Wells said with a smug look on his face.

“Neither do you,” Clarke snapped, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Blue. What color jersey is worn by the winners of each stage of the Tour De France?” he asked Wells, who just shrugged before glancing over at Clarke.

“Yellow,” she answered, earning a few weird looks from Bellamy and Wells. “My dad used to make me watch it every summer with him. Hella boring. Rather watch grass grow,” she explained with a shrug.

“Well, that wasn’t her question, so she doesn’t get a point,” Wells snapped, and Clarke started groaning. They went back and forth for a while, and Bellamy was being a good sport about the whole thing.

“When did the Cold War end?” Bellamy asked.

“1989,” Wells snapped, shooting another smug look at Clarke.

“What color is Absynthe?”

“Green,” she answered, now feeling a little bit tired.

“Where would you find the Sea of Tranquility?” Bellamy asked, raising an eyebrow at Wells.

“Uh, Europe? What the fuck even is that?” Wells asked, blinking a few times. Bellamy raised an eyebrow at Clarke.

“The Moon,” she muttered, closing her eyes slightly.

“How the fuck did you know that?” Wells shouted, standing up.

“My girlfriend is hella smart. I’m going to bed,” Bellamy said, as he closed his laptop. Wells let out a groan, as Bellamy walked back into their room.

“This isn’t over, Clarke,” Wells groaned, as he threw himself back down on the couch. Clarke glanced over her shoulder as Bellamy shot her a smirk before shutting the door behind him. She was lucky she had a boyfriend that would put up with her and Wells’ childish competitiveness.

“I think it is. Not only did I answer almost all of my questions, I answered a lot of yours too,” she teased, and Wells pressed his lips together, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling.

“Sure, I’ll let you think that,” he said, and Clarke started groaning, before getting up to grab the wine. Her goal for the night was to distract Wells after he had a nasty fight with his dad, and by the looks of things, she was succeeding. Wells followed her into the kitchen, grabbing the wine glasses as she debated which wine to share with him.

“Let’s go with white tonight. I’m on my last bottle of red and its Bellamy’s favorite,” she said, before grabbing a bottle and putting it on the counter.

“Aww. Look at you knowing your boyfriend’s favorite wine,” he teased, nudging her with his elbow.

“Shut up,” she muttered, before turning around to look for the corkscrew.

“We are going to keep Bellamy, right?” Wells asked, leaning back on the counter with a raised eyebrow. Clarke glanced up at him, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Of course, we’re keeping him. He’s perfect,” she said, before turning her attention back to finding the corkscrew.

“Just making sure. I noticed a serious lack of ‘love you, goodnight’ nonsense as he went to bed,” Wells said, pursing his lips afterwards. Clarke was grateful that Wells was using his gossiping whisper, otherwise she’d be panicked that Bellamy could hear them.

“We haven’t said that yet,” Clarke explained, before uncorking the wine.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” Wells groaned, and Clarke shot him a glare.

“Stop.”

“But, you do love him, right?”

Clarke swallowed, blinking a few times as she peered around the wall to look at her bedroom door.

“Yeah,” she whispered, feeling a ghost of a smile creep over her lips. She glanced back at Wells who had an excited expression on his face. Clarke could feel her chest start to feel warm, realizing that was the first time she admitted it out loud.

 

Wells left about an hour later, leaving Clarke to creep into her room. Bellamy was fast asleep as Clarke quickly changed. She took a deep breath before crawling into bed next to him.

Her thoughts were racing, wondering how exactly she just told Wells that she loved Bellamy. It had been creeping into her mind slowly for weeks, ever since Roan brought it up to her on Sunday Funday. And the more she thought about it, the less ridiculous it seemed.

But, she couldn’t believe she could say it out loud. Clarke had been terrified that she wouldn’t be able to say it, even though she felt it in every bone in her body. She loves Bellamy Blake.

Then, Clarke started to panic, wondering if she would regress to not being able to say it in the morning. Maybe she was just buzzed enough to let go of how terrified she was of their relationship to admit she loved him.

“Hey, Bell?” Clarke whispered, nudging Bellamy. He let out a small groan, before rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah, princess?” he mumbled, not opening his eyes. She immediately felt guilty for waking him up yet again, but he looked so cute when he was all sleepy like this.

She could do this, she told herself. It was just three words that she says to her family and to Wells all the time. Surely, she could say them to Bellamy, the guy that has helped Clarke get back to being herself. The guy who was always taking care of her.

“Sorry, I just wanted to tell you that I…” she started, but couldn’t get the words out. She swallowed, as Bellamy slowly opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows at her. “I just missed you tonight,” Clarke said, already wanting to punch herself for chickening out.

“Aww,” Bellamy said with a small grin, before snaking his arm around her to pull her into his chest. “Missed you too, princess,” he whispered, before kissing the top of her head. Clarke wrapped her arm around his waist, tucking her head in between his shoulder and neck. His hand was slowly rubbing her back, and Clarke could tell Bellamy would fall back to sleep pretty quickly. She could still say it, she kept telling herself. But, soon, his breathing evened out and she missed her chance.

 

Bellamy had been all over Clarke all night, and she couldn’t figure out what had gotten into him. They had barely walked in the door after leaving Octavia’s, and Bellamy was on her, crashing his lips fast against hers.

He walked her back against the wall, gripping her face with both hands. He moaned into her mouth as she started running her fingers through his hair.

“Bell, what has gotten into you?” Clarke asked, as his lips found her throat.

“Just want you, princess,” he whispered right into her ear, his lips gently touching her ear as he spoke.

“Then, take me,” she ordered, and Bellamy’s jaw twitched as he studied her face closely.

“Bedroom, now,” he commanded, but Clarke wanted to challenge him a bit more. As much as Bellamy liked being in charge, she knew he liked having to fight for it more.

She gave him the biggest eyes should could, trying to look a little bit innocent. “Make me,” she teased, and Bellamy grabbed her, carrying her bridal style into their room before practically throwing her onto the bed.

He was everywhere all at once, kissing her lips, and her neck, and her chest. His hands were frantically moving all over her, and Clarke just felt Bellamy everywhere. Her brain was becoming clouded, and the only thing she could think about was how much she wanted this man that she loved so much.

“Bell, I’m not complaining, but what in the hell inspired this?” she asked, having a hard time catching her breath.

“Oh, I’ve wanted you all night,” he murmured huskily, and Clarke felt a flush of warmth strike throughout her entire body. He started kissing lower on her chest, tugging on her neckline to kiss even lower.

“Bellamy,” she whispered, pulling his face up to look at her. There was a dark, sexy expression on his face, and Clarke knew this was going to be one of those nights where she was completely lost in him. He pressed a short, innocent kiss to her lips, as he brushed her hair behind her ears. Clarke swallowed, shocked by the tenderness of his actions, while his eyes looked far from innocent.

“You’re just so beautiful and I’ve been waiting all night to touch you.” He kissed her again, this one slower and wetter. Clarke couldn’t help but moan into his mouth, less because of what he was doing to her, and more because of what he just said to her. There was something so arousing about Bellamy wanting to get her like this all night.

His lips travelled back down her neck and chest, and Clarke started moaning softly, enjoying how slow and tender he was being with her. She knew it wouldn’t last long, since Bellamy wasn’t gifted with patience. And she could feel his erection pressed against her thigh. He wanted her too much to be patient, and Clarke was sort of grateful. She didn’t like being patient either.

“I really fucking need you naked, now,” he growled against her throat, and Clarke smirked to herself at how well she knew this man. He pulled her up, tugging her shirt off. Clarke made fast work of undoing his shirt, while taking the opportunity to bite at his neck. Another growl escaped his lips, and Clarke could feel her clit start to throb from anticipation. Bellamy finally unhooked her bra, tearing it off her with a ferocity that she hadn’t seen in a while. He pushed her onto her back before she could finish unbuttoning his shirt, and Clarke started pouting. Shirtless Bellamy was one of her favorite versions of Bellamy. She loved running her hands up and down his muscled torso.

Bellamy gripped both of her wrists as soon as she tried to resume getting his shirt off, and Clarke glanced up at him to see his dark, predatory eyes beaming at her. After a few seconds, Bellamy tentatively let go of her wrists, shooting her a warning look before kissing her chest. Both of his hands quickly grabbed both of her breasts, gently massaging them as Clarke arched her back, moaning at the sensation.

He started to suck on her nipple, and Clarke had to bite her lip to keep from squirming. He glanced up at her, smirking slightly as she watched him. She started running her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. She could feel him moan against her nipple, which gave Clarke goosebumps.

“Bellamy, please stop teasing me,” she begged, as Bellamy glanced up at her, jaw clenched as he watched her with interest.

“Tell me, very specifically, exactly what you want, Clarke,” he ordered, and Clarke started smirking. She could ask for literally anything right now, and he would give it to her.

“First, I want you completely naked,” she ordered, and Bellamy pulled off her with a cute pout. He finally took off his shirt, and Clarke propped herself up so she could get a better view. She watched closely as he tugged off his pants, eyeing the bulge in his boxers. And when he slid those off, all Clarke could do was bite her lip to keep from dropping her jaw.

“What now, princess?” he teased, and Clarke remembered to stop staring at his cock.

“I’m wearing too much, Bell,” she pouted, before hearing a guttural growl slip off Bellamy’s lips. He started tugging her pants off quickly, before yanking her panties down, and Clarke kept smirking at how quickly and desperately he was trying to get her naked.

Bellamy stood by the edge, looking Clarke up and down once she was naked. She swallowed, overwhelmed by the possessive gaze on his face. “I want you inside me, Bell,” she said softly, and Bellamy didn’t hesitate to crawl on top of her, pressing kisses up her stomach, and then her chest.

“That all you want, princess?” he teased against her lips, as his hand pushed her legs apart.

“No. I want you to keep talking as you fuck me,” she said.

“You like it when I talk to you while fucking you, don’t you baby?” he whispered, and Clarke closed her eyes, feeling the head of his cock at her entrance.

“Your voice is so sexy, Bell,” she whimpered, before Bellamy thrust into her.

“What do you want me to talk about, princess?” he whispered, kissing her jaw while he slowly thrust in and out of her. “I could talk about how sexy you look right now… taking my cock like this,” he growled, and Clarke couldn’t even speak. She started nodding frantically, and Bellamy bit her jaw slightly. “Yeah, you like hearing stuff like that, don’t you?” he teased, and Clarke was pretty sure he was trying to kill her.

“Fuck.”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Clarke,” he whispered into her ear, before kissing below it. She closed her eyes again, feeling his hand start rubbing her clit. This was too much. She could feel him everywhere, and he smelled so good, and he was saying so many things that made her feel like she was on fire. “Your moans sound so sexy.” Clarke gripped even tighter on his hair.

“Bell, please,” she begged, before Bellamy shut her up with his lips. His tongue was thrashing into her mouth, searching desperately for hers. He whimpered into her mouth once he found her tongue, and Clarke gripped even tighter on him. He just felt so right, and God, she needed more.

“Let me ride you,” Clarke said, before Bellamy rotated them so she could climb on top of him.

“God, you look even more beautiful like this,” he said, voice low as he spoke. His hands were massaging her breasts as she rode his cock, and Clarke gripped his forearms to keep her balance. “You feel so good around my cock, Clarke,” he continued, voice cracking slightly.

“So fucking pretty, baby,” he kept talking, closing his eyes briefly. Clarke could tell he was struggling not to come, so she sped up, hoping to catch up with him. “Such beautiful breasts,” he continued, eyes fluttering open again. “Love watching them bounce for me.”

Clarke bit her lip, closing her eyes, focusing on how good he felt inside of her.

“Come on, baby. I want to feel you come for me,” he begged, voice sounding strangled. Clarke swallowed, looking into Bellamy’s eyes as he gazed back at her with a lustful gaze.

“I’m close,” she whispered, as Bellamy’s hands dropped down to her ass.

“What a good little princess,” he said with a sexy, commanding voice, and Clarke’s mouth opened slightly, letting out a louder moan. “Making me feel so good. I can’t wait to watch you come.”

“Bell,” she whimpered, before the pleasure took over her. Bellamy gripped her ass tightly, holding her there as she rode out the waves of pleasure that were washing over her.

“So beautiful when you come for me. So sexy, Clarke,” he growled, before Clarke felt him start to come undone inside of her. It felt so good, having her fill her up like this as she lost herself in him.

“That was so good, Bell,” Clarke whispered into his neck once they had both caught their breath.

“You’re incredibly, Clarke,” he whispered, kissing her hair as his hands rubbed her back. Clarke glanced up at him, suddenly wanting to tell him that she loved him. It had been on the tip of her tongue for a while now, and it was all she wanted him to hear. He pulled her in by her chin and pressed a slow kiss to her lips. Clarke melted in his arms, cupping his face with her hands as his lips caressed hers. “So fucking beautiful, princess. God, I…” he drifted off, and Clarke started kissing his cheek, as her thumb stroked the other side of his face.

Bellamy started kissing her forehead, and Clarke let her hand drop to the back of his neck. Eventually, she rested her head on his chest, which was her spot. Even if she didn’t start the night there, she almost always ended up there, with her head right over his heart. She liked listening to it as she drifted off to sleep.

Tonight, Bellamy’s heart was beating faster than it normally did. She focused on how his fingers ran through her hair, how nice it felt when his lips found her forehead. Clarke was so in love with Bellamy Blake. And while thinking about that would normally keep her from sleeping, she found herself drifting off to sleep easily, because it really felt like he loved her back.

 

“Hey, Bell!” Clarke said as she answered the phone. She was pulling out of her parking garage to head toward Bellamy’s apartment for some party he and Raven were throwing.

“Hey, are you almost here?” he asked, and Clarke couldn’t help but notice that he sounded a bit off. Clarke had been worried about Bellamy for the past week. He had been acting strange, almost distant. There were several times where they would be having a conversation, and he would drift off, like he lost his train of thought. She wanted to know what had been distracting him, but he kept reassuring her that he was fine.

“I’m just now leaving my apartment. I had to stop home to change.”

“So, uh, Raven invited someone that I didn’t expect to be here…” he said, and there was something about his tone that worried her.

“Well, it’s Raven. Can’t say I’m surprised,” Clarke tried to play it off.

“It’s Gina.” Clarke swallowed, feeling a strange feeling in her chest that she wasn’t used to. It’s not that Clarke was worried about Gina. That was years ago, she remembered. Clarke couldn’t put her finger on what exactly was stressing her out.

“Okay… you didn’t have to call me to tell me that.”

“I just wanted you to have a heads up. You know, in case you feel weird about that.”

“Why would I feel weird about that?” Clarke snapped, before realizing what her tone probably sounded like. She forced herself to take a breath before following up with, “You guys broke up years ago.”

“I don’t know. Uh, I’ll see you when you get here,” he stammered out, and Clarke felt her chest start to ache more. There was something going on here, she could feel it.

 

“Wait, you what?” Bellamy snapped, and Clarke’s eyes flashed up at him. He had been acting jittery this whole party, and it was freaking her out. Plus, he had been all over Clarke. She loved him, but that didn’t mean she wanted to spend this entire party by his side. Especially not when he was spazzing out all over the place, and keeping an arm around Clarke at all times.

“We moved in together. I thought I told you that months ago,” Murphy replied, and Bellamy had a weird expression on his face.

“Right, right. Just seems like it was a little early for something like that,” Bellamy said, and Clarke pressed her lips together as she looked down at the floor. She didn’t like where this was going. “What?”

“I’ve been with Emori just as long as you and Clarke have. And I love her. It’s definitely not too early,” Murphy snapped, and Clarke’s drink went down the wrong way at those words. She really didn’t need to be listening to this argument, especially since she and Bellamy were in a weird in-between place at the moment. They weren’t living together, but they basically were. Bellamy spent almost every night at her apartment, only going home to get clean clothes.

“It just seems really early,” Bellamy said, and Clarke wanted to roll her eyes. This was so typically Bellamy. He was fine with them moving forward as long as moving forward didn’t involve a new label. “I mean, Clarke and I don’t live together yet, and we don’t---” he continued before stopping himself, but Clarke knew how that sentence was going to end. And she felt so sick to her stomach all of the sudden.

“I’m gonna go get another drink,” Clarke muttered, walking away. Bellamy was about to say that they didn’t love each other yet… which answered every question that had been floating in Clarke’s head for the past week. And that was fine. Bellamy didn’t know she loved him. And maybe it was too soon for her to expect Bellamy to be able to love her. He was still working through some stuff in his own life, probably. Yeah, it was just too soon.

“Hey, Clarke,” she heard Bellamy say as he tugged her arm. She turned back to look at him, confused as to why he wasn’t leaving her alone all night. He was being downright clingy… which is saying something considering how terrified he is of acting clingy. “Uh, wanna go make out in my room? Get away from all these annoying people?” he asked with a grin, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“What is going on with you? You’ve been weird all night.”

“Me? No, I’m fine,” he lied, as his voice went up in pitch.

“Bellamy! There you are!” Clarke heard someone shout, before turning her head to see that girl from Raven’s wedding that cornered her in the bathroom.

“Gina!” Bellamy said with a strange smile on his face as Gina hugged him. Clarke pressed her lips together, suddenly realizing that the bridesmaid that verbally accosted her at the wedding was indeed the only other girlfriend Bellamy Blake had had. “Oh, Gina, this is my girlfriend, Clarke. Clarke, this is---”

“Oh, we’ve already met,” Clarke snapped, keeping her eyes fixed on Gina who was giving her the same judgmental smirk she gave her at the wedding.

“Wait, what?” Bellamy asked, looking over at Gina.

“It was at the wedding, right?” she asked with a forced smile, and Clarke felt her chest start to tighten. Of course, she was pretending that she hardly remembered Clarke. The fucking nerve of this girl to pull this. Clarke glanced back at Bellamy, who looked even more worked up than he had all week. And it clicked in her head finally.

“I think so,” Clarke replied before putting her cup in Bellamy’s hand. She had to get out of there before she blew up on Bellamy. “Excuse me,” she muttered, as she made her exit.

Clarke was halfway down the hallway when Bellamy started shouting after her.

“I’m tired, Bell. I’m going home,” she said, as Bellamy hurried up to her.

“What’s going on with you?” he asked, and Clarke couldn’t believe he was asking her that. She just saw him spaz out over his ex-girlfriend, the girl who messed him up so badly that he couldn’t date for years after she broke up with him. She wondered if he was all over her to try and make Gina jealous, to show her that he had moved on.

And maybe the real reason Bellamy had been so hesitant to go forward in this relationship was because he still wanted to be with Gina. Maybe he still loved her, which is why he didn’t love Clarke yet.

“I could ask you the same question. You have been acting so weird all week, and then this whole party you’ve been just as strange. I didn’t realize why until I saw how you spazzed out over Gina.”

“That’s not what’s been going on.”

“Then, what’s going on?” Clarke groaned, knowing that if she was here even a second longer that she would burst into tears.

“I don’t know,” he snapped, and Clarke started clenching her fists. “Clarke, I’m sorry. I just, ugh. Fuck,” he continued, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Well, you go figure that out. I’m going home. I’m too tired to stay here anyways.”

“Clarke, please.”

“Just let me go home. We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” she muttered before turning around.

Somehow, she managed to keep the tears from falling until the elevator doors closed.

 

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Wells shouted, trying to grab the glass from her hand. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, pulling away before downing another shot.

“Playing a drinking game,” she muttered, throat burning slightly. “Every time I see something in this apartment that’s actually Bellamy’s, I take a shot.”

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Wells snapped, as he picked up the tequila bottle, frowning as he saw that it was empty. Clarke had called him about four shots ago, when it became clear that Bellamy wasn’t chasing after her. If seeing Gina didn’t tell Clarke that he wasn’t hers, that certainly did.

“I think Bellamy is still hung up on that bitch, Gina,” Clarke muttered, resting her head against the nice, cold refrigerator.

“Bellamy loves you, Clarke,” Wells snapped, and Clarke felt the tears start to pool in her eyes.

“No, he doesn’t. It was stupid for me to think he did,” she whined, as Wells put his arm around Clarke’s waist.

“Let’s get you to the couch,” he said, and Clarke leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Fucking Gina. Of course, his last girlfriend was the same bitch that chewed me out at that dumb wedding,” Clarke muttered, and Wells let out a groan.

“Yep. We hate that bitch,” he said in a patronizing tone, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, he still loves her. He wanted to marry her. And he can’t even admit that he’s moved into my apartment,” she muttered, as she finally reached the couch. “She’s also really pretty and I fucking hate her,” Clarke mumbled, burying her face into a pillow.

“I stalked her on Facebook. She’s not as pretty as you,” Wells reassured, and Clarke lifted her head up, pouting slightly as she pet Wells’ face.

“Such a good friend,” she said, and Wells rolled his eyes at her.

“And you’ve got the better boobs,” Wells said with a smirk.

“Right?” Clarke said, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“Plus, you’re a fucking doctor. You’re a catch, Clarke,” Wells continued, and Clarke started grinning.

“Damn right,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “But, a catch whose boyfriend loves someone else,” she mumbled, before the tears started falling again.

“Clarke, if you’re so certain he is still in love with her, why didn’t you break up with him?” Wells snapped, and Clarke buried her face into his shoulder.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Because I love him so much,” she sobbed into his shirt, as Wells started patting her back.

“And, I think there’s a perfectly good explanation for why Bellamy has been acting weird. I bet he loves you too, and things just look bad. Bellamy is a good guy, remember?” Wells said, leaning his head on hers.

“I mean, he’s kind of a dick,” Clarke said, and Wells snorted.

“Yeah, but for some reason, that was part of the appeal,” Wells teased, and Clarke nodded, before lying back down on the couch. Her eyes were starting to feel heavy, and Wells was getting blurrier and blurrier by the second.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she had been passed out, but it couldn’t have been that long because when she opened her eyes, everything was just as blurry.

“Clarke?” she heard someone whisper. Clarke opened her eyes slightly, seeing a blurry figure that looked a lot like Bellamy.

“You’re supposed to be at the party,” she mumbled, before closing her eyes again.

“I came here to take care of you,” he whispered, and Clarke could feel him moving her hair out of her face. “Can you sit up for me, princess?” His voice sounded so sweet and soft for some reason. Bellamy helped her sit up, and his hands felt so warm on her. “You had a bit too much to drink, didn’t you?” Clarke nodded, feeling a little bit dizzy as she did. “Alright, let’s get you ready for bed,” he said, as he tried to help her stand up. But, Clarke felt her legs buckle under her.

“Okay, I’ve got you,” he whispered as he picked her up. Clarke buried her face into his chest as he slowly made his way into their room.

“You don’t have to take care of me,” she mumbled before realizing that somehow, she made it onto her bed.

“I want to,” he whispered, and Clarke closed her eyes again, feeling good that Bellamy was finally there taking care of her. She could feel Bellamy sitting her up, but she kept swaying. She leaned onto his chest as he wiped the makeup off her. “Want to sleep in one of my t-shirts?” he asked, and Clarke felt herself start to smile.

“The navy one is my favorite,” she said before Bellamy kissed her forehead. Everything was getting slightly less blurry.

“I know, princess.”

Somehow, Clarke found herself tucked in bed as Bellamy handed her a glass of water. Then, he got into bed too, and Clarke immediately took her spot next to him.

“Clarke, he whispered, and Clarke looked up at him, trying really hard to focus on his face. “I don’t miss being with Gina. You’re the only person I ever want to be with, okay?” he said, and Clarke felt warm all over.

“Promise?” she asked before he kissed her forehead.

“Yeah, I promise,” he said, and Clarke nodded, feeling kind of silly for being so emotional. But, she could feel tears start to well up in her eyes again.

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” she asked, feeling a warm tear stream down her face.

“Never,” he said, and he kissed all over face quickly. His arms wrapped around her, and Clarke let herself bury her face into his neck, focusing on the how nice Bellamy smelled. “I’ve got you, princess,” he whispered, and Clarke felt herself relax into him.

It was so nice, having him hold her like this… almost like he loved her too. And as she drifted off to sleep, she let herself believe it.


	11. It's Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Woo! It's real fluffy and cute, with just a hint of angst.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for all the love and support during this fic and the last one. These were hella fun for me to write, and also real emotional. I haven't decided where I'm going to go with this series. At minimum, I might do a short one-shot that'll show them being cute and taking another important step in their relationship. At maximum, I might get inspired to do another multi-chapter fic... depending on how inspired I get by the show I based it on this season. 
> 
> So, I've got two fic ideas in the works right now. Taking a short break to get one of those together. And, since it's gonna be about as complicated as Wrecked and Matched, that might take me a while. In the meantime, you can always come harass me on tumblr (@asroarke)
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments. I've loved them all, even if I haven't gotten around to responding to them all. I love you guys! Thanks for putting up with all the angst I've thrown at you. I'll probably throw some more at you real soon.

As Clarke stepped out the shower, she took a deep breath, thankful that all traces of vomit from earlier were finally gone. She still felt terrible, but much less gross now. She threw on some shorts and tugged on a tank top, hair still wet from the shower.

When she stumbled into the kitchen, Bellamy handed her a mug of coffee, and Clarke really hoped she didn’t embarrass herself last night. She never got drunk.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as Clarke searched the cabinets for aspirin.

“Like I single handedly finished off the leftover tequila from my birthday party,” she mumbled, before taking an aspirin, and heading over to sit next to him.

“Sorry, princess,” he whispered, as his hands moved to rub her shoulder. “Want to talk about this now or when you’re feeling more human?” he asked, and Clarke tilted her head slightly. She thought for a moment, wondering if this could wait. But, Clarke was kind of tired of tiptoeing around Bellamy.

“You should have come over here to check on me way sooner than you did,” she snapped, a little bit pissed. She wouldn’t have gotten this drunk if he had chased after her. At least, she thinks she wouldn’t have.

“I was going to, but then Jasper got a concussion and I had to take him to the hospital,” he explained, looking down, and Clarke immediately felt guilty for being mad at him for not coming over sooner.

“Is he okay?” Bellamy nodded, pressing his lips together.

“They boy can’t do a cartwheel apparently,” he joked, and Clarke tried her best to force a laugh. “I am sorry about Gina, Clarke,” he said seriously, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“It’s fine.”

“I don’t miss her. You have to know that,” he kept talking, and Clarke swallowed. “There’s no one I’d rather be with than you.” She nodded, studying his face closely. A few days ago, Clarke would have believed that easily. But, her confidence was shaken after seeing him freak out last night.

“Want to explain why you were acting so weird last night, then?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time,” she answered quickly, narrowing her eyes at him. Bellamy leaned back in his chair with a tense expression on his face, and Clarke took a deep breath in anticipation.

“So, you know that Gina and I dated for a long time and that I proposed… and that she said no. Back then, I really thought our relationship was perfect. We never fought,” he explained, and Clarke almost wanted to laugh at the idea of Bellamy being in a relationship where he didn’t fight with someone. They fought almost every other day, usually about stupid things. “And, it was the first time I ever loved somebody, so I convinced myself it would be forever,” he continued, and Clarke nodded, knowing all too well what that felt like. She thought Finn would be forever. “I can’t really fault Gina for seeing what I didn’t see. She just didn’t talk to me about what was wrong. She’s this really positive person who doesn’t like confrontation, which means that she could never call me out on my bullshit, you know?” he said, and Clarke tilted her head, knowing that this description absolutely does not match up with how Clarke saw Gina. But, people change, and she clearly did since she had no problem confronting Clarke at the wedding. “And back then, I was really negative and cynical, easily jealous…” he started to list, but Clarke couldn’t help but snort.

“Just back then?” she asked with a smirk, and Bellamy bit his lip, struggling not to laugh.

“Anyways,” he interrupted with a raised eyebrow, “She said no when I proposed, and we fought like crazy for weeks afterwards. Her saying that we would never work, and me being completely dumbfounded by all of it. Eventually, we had this one screaming match where she just eviscerated me. Like, remember how you totally came after Finn?” he asked.

Clarke smirked as she nodded, being kind of fond of that memory. “It was about like that. She said some things… I said some things. I told her I was willing to fight for us,” he explained, before swallowing. Clarke leaned forward, sensing a shift in his tone. “And she told me I was hard to love.”

Clarke could feel her entire chest start to tighten at those words. “Holy fuck,” she blurted out, mouth agape as she studied Bellamy’s face. He looked so sad, yet stoic, and Clarke just wanted to hug him and kiss him and make him forget about all of it.

“I don’t really blame her for saying it,” he said, and Clarke felt sick at those words. He should blame her. Even Finn, in all his horribleness, wouldn’t say something that awful. Those are the kind of words that could fuck someone up for life. Then, it clicked in Clarke’s head. This was why Bellamy was like this. This was why he was terrified of moving forward. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to. It was because he was convinced he was hard to love. “Looking back, I know she didn’t mean it. She snapped because I wasn’t understanding that she wanted out. But, still, hearing something like that will fuck you up… and it brought back all these insecurities from childhood, what with my dad leaving and all.”

“Bell,” Clarke whispered, grabbing his hand. She climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pressing a small kiss to his cheek. She could feel his hand start to rub her back, but Clarke couldn’t take her eyes off his face. This was the most that he had ever opened up to her. Sure, they had talked about his dad before, but it was so matter of fact, no feelings coming off his stoic face whatsoever.

“It’s okay. This was years ago. But, it really freaked me out to have Gina there,” he explained, and Clarke rested her head on his shoulder.

“Understandable.”

“And I didn’t want you to talk to her and…” he started, and Clarke could see his jaw clench.

“It’s okay. I understand,” she said, cupping his face to try and smooth out the hard lines on his jaw.

“Really?” he asked, voice weak, and Clarke nodded, putting her head on his chest. She felt him press a kiss to the top of her head, and Clarke let out a soft sigh. She really hoped today could be one of those days where they just stayed in bed all day, so she could hold him and kiss him. Last night was really scary, and even though she knew he was still here, she needed a bit of a reminder.

“Can we got back to bed?” she asked, pouting slightly, and Bellamy couldn’t help but grin.

“Sure, princess. Let’s go,” he said, smile growing bigger by the second.

“I have to walk?” she asked, hoping Bellamy would carry her.

And of course, he did. And he put her down on the bed gently before crawling in beside her. She tucked herself against him in her normal position, as Bellamy ran his fingers through her hair. She pressed sweet little kisses to his cheek, as her fingers traced his freckles. He looked at her with such tenderness that she almost forgot that moments ago he looked so broken.

It made Clarke’s own heart break to think that this entire time they were together Bellamy let himself think he was hard to love. It was so far from the truth. It was almost hard not to love him. She found herself drawn to him immediately, even when she knew better. And then, the universe kept throwing him back to her, and she repeatedly chose to get closer to him.

Clarke tried so hard not to fall for Bellamy. But, once she gave in, it was so easy to slip into. She loved him, far more than she ever loved anyone else. And, one day, she was going to make sure he knew that.

 

Bellamy had been all over Clarke all night, holding her hand at the restaurant, keeping his arm tightly around her as they walked, kissing her neck on the elevator up to her apartment. And she wasn’t complaining. Bellamy was usually pretty affectionate, but this was a bit more than usual.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Clarke teased, before Bellamy pulled her up for a deep kiss, his lips searing against hers.

“Hard not to be when I’m with you,” he said with a smirk, and Clarke bit her lip as she unlocked the door. Bellamy immediately went to get the wine, and Clarke followed him, wrapping her arms around his waist as he grabbed the glasses. Bellamy turned around, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Kiss me,” she ordered, and he abandoned the glasses, grabbing her face with both his hands as his tongue searched for hers.

Then, she heard her front door swing open.

“Fuck,” Bellamy mumbled, as Clarke turned around to see Wells run in her door excitedly.

“Remind me to take away his key,” Clarke said, and Bellamy let out a groan.

“Clarke! Why haven’t you been answering my texts?” Wells snapped with a wild expression on his face.

“We were having date night, Wells,” Clarke reminded, gritting her teeth slightly. She loved Wells, but he had a knack for finding the worst moments to barge into her life.

“Costia and Lexa are engaged!” he shouted, and Clarke’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit,” Clarke said, before running over to grab her purse and dig out her phone. She knew that Lexa had been thinking about proposing for a while now, but she didn’t realize it was happening finally. She needed to call her.

“I know! I knew you’d freak out, which is why I rushed over here,” Wells said, and Clarke glanced over at Bellamy who was pinching the bridge of his nose. Wells walked on into the living room, plopping himself comfortably on the couch.

“Hey,” Clarke said, walking over to Bellamy who looked frustrated. She put her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. I’ll make him leave,” she whispered, and Bellamy just smiled softly, shaking his head.

“It’s fine. It’s Wells,” he said with fondness, and Clarke leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Okay, I’m gonna go call Lexa real quick,” she said, and Bellamy nodded his head, pressing his lips together. “And then, we’ll hang with Wells for a bit before we kick him out.”

Bellamy chuckled slightly, before pressing a kiss to her cheek, letting his lips linger by her ear. “And once he’s gone, I’m going to have you all to myself,” he whispered in a husky tone, and Clarke swallowed, suddenly wondering if she really needed to call Lexa right this second or if it would make her a bad friend to kick Wells out right now.

 

Clarke was sort of avoiding heading home. The night before, she almost let those three little words slip out of her mouth during sex. And, for some reason, Bellamy had been more and more romantic lately, and Clarke didn’t trust herself not to just blurt it out.

So, when her work day was over, she headed over to the new animal shelter that just opened up next door. She honestly just wanted to look around, to kill time before heading home. She had no intention of bringing home a puppy.

Yet, here she was, sneaking a white lab into her apartment.

“Bell, I have something I have to tell you,” Clarke announced as she walked in.

“Yeah, I want to talk to you about something also,” he replied, as Clarke took off her shoes, not setting the puppy down yet.

“Ooh, me first. “You know the animal shelter they just opened next to the hospital?”

“Yeah…” she heard Bellamy answer, as she walked into the living room. His eyebrows were raised as he looked at her and the dog. “What is that?” he asked, and Clarke swallowed. They had talked about getting a dog, and both agreed now wasn’t the time… but, Clarke couldn’t resist this one.

“I know, I know. I said I wasn’t going to get a dog. But, look at her,” Clarke pouted as Bellamy stared at the dog. “I have a puppy now,” she said excitedly as she sat down next to him, keeping the puppy in her lap.

“You just decided, with no planning whatsoever, to adopt a dog?” he asked, as Clarke kept petting the dog. When he put it like that, Clarke realized how very un-Clarke this was. She never did something like this.

“I don’t know what happened. I just went over there after work to check it out, and then I saw her. And then, I played with her. Look at her, Bell,” she pleaded, pouting, before Bellamy finally started to pet the puppy, who started licking his hands. She could see his resolve start to falter, as the corners of his lips started to tilt upwards.

“She is cute, but you said you didn’t want a dog until you weren’t living in an apartment anymore…”

“But, I love her,” she whispered, as she kissed the puppy’s head. Her tail started wagging.

“You just met this dog hours ago. Let’s not get carried away,” Bellamy pointed out, and Clarke started pouting again.

“First of all, she’s a puppy,” she said, and Bellamy rolled his eyes before leaning in to kiss her forehead. Clarke knew she had already won him over. “And besides, look at her. Who couldn’t fall in love with her?”

“Fine, what’s her name?” he asked with a groan, even though he was still smiling.

“She doesn’t have one yet,” Clarke said, knowing that this was the part Bellamy would be the most excited about. He loved naming things. “I was hoping you would help me,” she said, poking him in the side, as the puppy rested her head on his lap. The look on Bellamy’s face was priceless as Clarke could see the wheels turning in his head.

 

Clarke tried to stay focused as Lexa tried on wedding dresses, but it was hard with all of her friends live texting Bellamy’s slow progression into drunkenness. It started with a picture from Wells of Bellamy resting his head on a bar counter at a strip club. Then, there was a text from Jasper saying that Bellamy tried to eat two pieces of pizza at the same time, and then ended up dropping them both on the floor. There was a series of “I miss you” texts from Bellamy that were just coherent enough that Clarke reassured herself that everything was fine. But, when Wells took Bellamy’s phone and texted Clarke from it, that’s when she really started to worry.

By the time Wells called her, Clarke was already on her way to Grounders.

“You are such a good girlfriend, you know that?” he mumbled, as Clarke focused on the McDonald’s menu.

“I know, Bell. You’ve told me a few times now,” Clarke reassured, smiling at him, before turning around to place the order. He was quiet for a little too long, and Clarke saw him texting furiously. She groaned, tugging the phone out of his hands to see a series of texts to Wells saying that he wasn’t drunk. She rolled her eyes as she pulled forward to grab their food. Bellamy immediately started shoving too many fries into his mouth, and Clarke snorted as she watched him. Drunk Bellamy was no better than a child, and it was fucking hilarious.

“Oh, God. I can’t wait to see Cleo,” he said excitedly, and Clarke shook her head as she pulled out of the parking lot.

“I bet she’ll be real excited to see you too, sweetie,” Clarke said, stealing a fry from Bellamy, ignoring how he pouted when she did that.

“I love Cleo. So much,” Bellamy slurred. “Literally the greatest dog in the world.”

“I know, Bell. I love Cleo too,” Clarke reassured, patting his leg, and Bellamy started leaning on the console, getting closer to Clarke.

“That’s so great. I love Cleo, you love Cleo. It’s so great that we can both say that,” he mumbled, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at him, because he was not making any sense whatsoever.

“Bellamy, you doing okay?” she asked, and she could see him nodding frantically out of the corner of her eye as she pulled into her parking garage.

“So great. I love Cleo, and I just want you to know that,” he said, and Clarke glanced over at him to see a very serious expression on his face. Clarke nodded, before pulling the car into park.

 

“Cleo!” Bellamy yelled as soon as they walked in the door. Cleo came running up to him, and Bellamy laid down in the middle of the living room floor, letting Cleo climb all over him, licking his face. “Cleo loves me back,” he whispered, and Clarke decided not to point out that he had a lot of French fry salt all over his face.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Clarke said as she walked over to him. Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at Clarke as he pet Cleo.

“I don’t wanna,” he pouted, and Clarke let out a small groan before walking into their room to get herself ready for bed. When she came back out, Bellamy had sat himself up, but looked really confused. “Where did Cleo go?” he asked. Clarke looked around, but saw that Cleo had snuck past her and jumped onto the bed. She knew it was bedtime. Too bad Bellamy wasn’t getting the memo.

“She’s in bed. Come on,” Clarke said, gesturing her head toward their room. Bellamy let out a groan as he slowly stood up. Clarke ran over to him, stabilizing him so he didn’t fall over.

“You’re so pretty,” he mumbled, kissing the top of her head as they moved toward their room.

“Thank you, Bell,” Clarke said, as she sat him down on the bed. “Let’s get ready for bed.”

“You can’t make me,” he said with a huge grin, and Clarke groaned again, helping him get out of his pants. “Why you trying to undress me, Clarke?” Bellamy said with a chuckle, and Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“You could help me,” Clarke muttered, and Bellamy tugged off his shirt.

“I see you, Clarke. Trying to have your way with me,” he whispered, and Clarke was trying her best not to laugh. “But, you gotta make an honest man out of me first. Maybe I’m saving myself for marriage,” he slurred, as Clarke turned around to grab another shirt for him.

“Little late for that,” she pointed out.

“Not my fault. You’re so beautiful and I just want to touch you all the time,” he murmured, swaying slightly as he patted Clarke’s forehead. Clarke ignored him, trying to get his shirt over his head, but Bellamy kept ducking and dodging.

“Bellamy, you are not helping,” she groaned, as she pushed him back onto the bed, straddling his legs so he couldn’t break free.

“Not trying to help,” he teased, as Clarke finally got his head through the hole.

“Bell,” she said in a warning tone, but he just kept chuckling, as she tried to wrestle his arm into the hole.

“We should make out instead,” he suggested, but Clarke ignored him, pushing his hand through.

“I will if you get your shirt on,” she bribed him, and suddenly Bellamy was super cooperative. It was just like negotiating with a toddler. As soon as his shirt was on all the way, he was holding onto her tightly, pressing a bunch of messy kisses to her lips. He tasted so much like beer.

And, even though he was significantly less coordinated than Clarke at the moment, he was still stronger. So, he flipped her onto her back, as he snuggled on top of her, burying his face into her neck.

“Bell, please don’t fall asleep like this,” Clarke begged, before feeling Bellamy kiss her neck a few times.

“Fine, but only because I love you,” he mumbled, before rolling off her. Clarke sat up, eyes wide as she looked over at him. His eyes were already closed, as Cleo climbed onto his stomach.

“What did you just say?” Clarke asked, heart pounding, not sure if she heard him right. Bellamy reached his arm out to pull her into him, and she gave in.

“When?” he asked, fluttering his eyes open, and Clarke let out a groan. Of course, he was too drunk to be coherent enough to repeat himself.

“Never mind. Let’s just go to sleep,” she muttered, reaching over to turn off the light.

“Goodnight,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head as she settled back down next to him. “Love you.”

That time, Clarke knew she heard him right. But, before she could say anything in response, he was already snoring.

 

There was no way Bellamy remembered what he said to her last night, she decided, since he couldn’t even remember how he got home.

He wasn’t as hungover as she expected him to be, which she was grateful for.

“Can’t handle your alcohol?” she teased after he turned down a glass of wine.

“Apparently not,” he smirked at her, before kissing her forehead. “I said a lot of crazy shit last night, I’m sure,” he muttered, and Clarke glanced up at him, smirking as she studied his face. He looked confused, probably because he didn’t know what she knew. “What?” he snapped.

“Nothing,” Clarke teased, as she leaned on his shoulder. “Just, after I wrestled with you for a while trying to put a shirt on you, you said something really dark,” she continued, still smirking.

“Oh God. Don’t tell me,” he groaned, and Clarke started grinning even wider. He definitely didn’t remember. This was too good.

“You sure? It is easily the most terrifying thing you’ve ever said to me,” she teased, and Bellamy threw his head back, groaning.

“Please, no,” he pleaded, as he clenched his eyes shut.

“Okay, I won’t,” Clarke said with a huge smile, as she leaned back into him. And, technically, Clarke wasn’t going to tell him what he said. “I love you too.”

She could feel Bellamy jerk his head up, before she turned to look at him. She pressed her lips together, as she watched him get his thoughts in order. And as soon as she saw the lightbulb go off, he was on her, bruising her lips quickly. He pushed her backwards, as her arms found their way around his neck, and now he was on top of her, kissing all over her face frantically.

“A sober ‘I love you’ would be nice, though,” she joked. And he didn’t hesitate for a second.

“I love you,” he said breathlessly, before crashing his lips into hers again, gripping onto her hair as she moaned into his mouth.

 

“What else did I say last night?” Bellamy asked, running his fingers through her hair. It was the middle of the night, but neither of them wanted to fall asleep just yet. They were both pressed against each other, still naked after having sex for the second time that night.

“You accused me of trying to take advantage of you when I tried to get you changed for bed,” Clarke muttered, burying her face into his neck as he chuckled.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when I don’t have a shirt on. That’s a legitimate concern,” he teased, and Clarke playfully hit his chest. He grabbed her hand, before pulling it up to his lips to kiss it. Clarke could feel a blush creeping back on her face.

“Well, don’t worry. You put me in my place. Said I had to make an honest man out of you first and that you were waiting until marriage,” she said, and Bellamy’s chuckle grew in volume.

“Well, shit,” he said. “Guess I fucked that plan up.”

“Guess so,” Clarke murmured against his skin, pressing a kiss below his jawline. Clarke closed her eyes, reminding herself that her 8 am appointment did not give a shit if she was in love. She still had to get up in the morning.

She started to drift off, before feeling Bellamy pressing soft kisses to her forehead.

“Stay awake just a bit longer,” Bellamy whispered against her skin, and Clarke mumbled her assent. Bellamy turned himself on his side, holding Clarke to his chest still, as he started kissing her cheek, running his fingers through her hair. Clarke kept her eyes closed, focused on how amazing it felt to be touched like this.

He started to kiss below her ear, breathing loudly, and Clarke arches her back, pressing her chest tight against his.

“I love you so much, Clarke,” he whispered breathlessly, and Clarke let her hand travel to his waist, stroking his side with her thumb.

“I love you too,” she replied with ease, loving how sweet those words felt as the fell off her lips. He pressed a slow kiss to her lips, and Clarke let him in immediately, moaning at the feeling of his hungry lips pressing themselves to hers. Clarke could feel Bellamy’s arousal, and let out a sweet sigh, resigning herself to being sleep deprived at work in the morning. Because now, all Clarke wanted was Bellamy.

As his lips searched hers, his hand started rubbing up and down her side, letting his fingers ghost over her breast. She swallowed, reaching her hand up to run her fingers through his curls. She spent most of her night like that, gripping onto his hair as he made love to her over and over.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for so long that I love you,” he whispered against her lips, and Clarke felt her entire chest start to feel warm at those words. Later, she would ask him for every detail, every time he wanted to say it, and when he first realized it. But, now, that wasn’t as important as how badly she needed to feel how much he loved her.

“Bell,” she whispered, as he kissed her jawline, almost reverently. He glanced up to meet her gaze with such tenderness that Clarke thought she could melt right there in his arms. “I need you,” she pleaded, feeling the burning ache between her legs.

“What do you need from me?” he teased, raising an eyebrow, as he pushed her onto her back. He pressed a slow kiss to her lips before climbing on top of her.

“I need you to make love to me,” she whispered, and all teasing left Bellamy’s face as his eyes and lips softened. She bit her lip, watching him spread her legs apart as he lined himself up with her entrance. He swallowed as he entered her, closing his eyes briefly as he slowly worked his way inside her.

He watched Clarke carefully, as he slowly thrust in and out of her. Her eyes didn’t leave his, as he slowly settled back down on top of her. She loved feeling his weight pressing into her, as if it were a reminder that he was indeed hers. Her fingers tangled their way through his hair, as Bellamy stroked the underside of her jaw, still pressing himself into her slowly.

“Sure you can’t ditch work tomorrow?” Bellamy asked with a smirk, and Clarke rolled her eyes at him.

“You have to go to work too,” she reminded him, and he let out a sigh.

“But, we could spend all day doing this,” he whispered against her skin, as he thrust harder into her. Clarke let out a loud moan, as Bellamy sucked on her neck. She gripped his face, pulling him up toward her as she moaned again in his mouth while her lips crashed into his.

He sped up his thrusts, as Clarke closed her eyes, overwhelmed by how tender and sweet Bellamy was being, while still remaining just as passionate. Clarke started tugging on his curls, needing more friction if she was going to make it. And, Bellamy complied, picking up the pace as he held onto her more tightly.

“I love you,” he whispered breathlessly, and Clarke’s heart started pounding all over again at those words. She wasn’t sure she could ever get used to hearing them.

“And I love you,” she echoed back, lifting her hips to meet his.

“God, you feel so good, baby,” he muttered, before kissing back down to her neck. Clarke leaned her head back, exposing more of her neck to him.

“You do too, Bell. Love feeling that cock fill me up,” she moaned, as he bit her neck softly.

“I know you do,” he whispered against her neck, pressing a gentle kiss to the patch of skin he had been nibbling on. “Fuck, Clarke,” he moaned as she lifted her hips again. He slammed back into her, and Clarke let out a yelp, gripping tighter onto his hair to steady herself.

“That’s good, Bell. Keeping pushing that beautiful cock inside of me,” she encouraged, feeling Bellamy growl against her throat.

“I swear you’re trying to kill me with that sexy voice of yours,” he murmured, and Clarke started grinning, feeling herself start to get close.

“Just want to make you feel good,” she said innocently, before Bellamy crashed his lips against hers, gripping onto her hair to tilt her face up to look at him.

“You make me feel so good, princess,” he said very intensely, as his dark eyes peered into hers. One of her hands started rubbing his back, but she ended up clawing him as he unexpectedly pounded himself into her.

“Fuck, Bell,” she screamed, as he kept up this punishing pace. Her breathing was becoming shallower, as he pressed hot kisses to her neck.

“Come for me, Clarke. You look so beautiful when you come on my cock,” he whispered, almost reverently, and Clarke knew she was lost. She was a sucker for how he talked to her in bed… and combined with how in love he looked as he spoke, Clarke would never stand a chance.

She pressed her lips against his, finding his tongue immediately as she came down on his cock, writhing underneath him as the pleasure took over her.

“I love you,” she murmured into his mouth, before moaning his name over and over again. She threw her hand back onto the pillow, trying to grasp at something as she came undone. Bellamy’s hand found hers, gripping it tightly as he pounded into her. His own breath was shallowing out, as he chased the sounds of Clarke screaming for him.

“So beautiful,” he moaned, still thrusting in and out of her. Clarke’s eyes clenched shut, gripping onto his hand tightly as she fell apart. “I love you so much,” he continued, his voice sounding strangled.

Then, she felt him start to come undone inside of her, hearing his sweet moans echo through the room. He gripped her hand even tighter, as Clarke massaged his scalp with her other hand. He alternated whispering her name and princess over and over, as Clarke peppered kisses all over his face.

He didn’t pull out immediately, just clung to Clarke as they both caught their breath. He was pressing kisses to her collarbone, as she continued to run her fingers through his hair. His hand hadn’t left hers yet, and Clarke closed her eyes again, letting herself memorize this beautiful moment.

After a while, Clarke found herself settled back in her normal spot, burying her face into his neck as he held her close. It was so familiar, since she fell asleep like this most nights. Yet, it felt so different now. So much warmer and safer.

She glanced up at Bellamy to see him already staring at her, with a look on his face that was dripping with love. And Clarke wondered how she could ever doubt that Bellamy loved her back. It was clear he loved her just as much as she loved him. And she loved him with all her heart.


End file.
